In the past 4 yrs I have had sex w/4 other women. My wife and I have been together for 23 years. We tell each other everything. Yes, I tell her about these events. We talk openly and honestly about why. Then we work on building trust again. What I think I am trying to fill is a void of acceptance and intimacy that I feel I did not receive from my emotionally distant parents. I tried to talk w/my dad b/4 he passed but he skimmed over the issue of emotional abuse. My mother is a bit selfish and thinks she lived a wonderful life and cannot see anything different with anyone's else life. Are there any suggestions as to how to achieve these missing feelings? I really feel that I'm cheating my best friend in the world.

I must admit your partner is very tolerant<P>If you were my partner I would have dumped<BR>you on the spot, no matter what your excuse<BR>for sleeping around<P>If I were your partner I would have been already<BR>in a new place and definitely keep a betraying<BR>person like you out of my life<P>It is abusive for you to even be so relaxed to<BR>tell her all this and still blame your parents<P>Carol

ManyQuestions,<BR>Dont let the veiw of one speak for the voice of many. God sent his son to die for our sins and forgive us. Who are we to be any less?<BR>You have some serious issues and definetly will benefit from counseling both couple and indivdual.<P>Carol, I dont think Many?'s is very swayed by your bashing. He obviously came here seeking help. I wonder how helpful your post was? You had my support back on the oral sex post but i can see a hidden agenda surfacing.<P>Again, manyquestions Carol does not represent the majority of those on this board. LEt me be the first to say WELCOME. Read every bit of info on this site and ask God to give you wisdom how to proceed. I dare say very few will make it through this without God leading the way. If you do not have a personal relationship with Christ now is the time to start one.<P>Hope to hear from you soon.

Carol and Heart: I agree with both of your posts. Many?'s: if you are looking for support, you came to the right place. If you came for opinions, you came to the right place. Everybody's got one. <P>Heart is right about Jesus dying for all of our sins and what a perfect time (ANY time is a good time) to put all your trust in HIM. However, if you truly want to repent you must also desire to follow him and leave your old ways behind. Thus, no more infidelity. If you belong to a church, go there today and ask for help. If you don't belong to one - find one now. Christians are always willing and happy to help a soul in need. Hate the sin, love the sinner.<P>Carol was right about using your parents as your excuse. You are an adult. You make your own choices. Just because someone was mean to me as a child doesn't mean I go about bullying people as an adult. (I'm not bullying you here, am I? ) <P>Many physically and emotionally and mentally abused children grow up to be perfectly loving adults. I heard a saying once that said the difference between a smart man and a wise man was that a smart man learned from his mistakes while a wise man learned from OTHERS mistakes. Which do you aspire to be? What kind of man doesn't even learn from HIS OWN mistakes? <P>There are lots of good counselors out there (Christian or otherwise) who would love to help you. Find one - and take your wife with you to let her know how much you want to change - for her sake as well as your own.<P>Good luck and God bless.<BR>

Carol and Heart: I agree with both of your posts. Many?'s: if you are looking for support, you came to the right place. If you came for opinions, you came to the right place. Everybody's got one. <P>Heart is right about Jesus dying for all of our sins and what a perfect time (ANY time is a good time) to put all your trust in HIM. However, if you truly want to repent you must also desire to follow him and leave your old ways behind. Thus, no more infidelity. If you belong to a church, go there today and ask for help. If you don't belong to one - find one now. Christians are always willing and happy to help a soul in need. Hate the sin, love the sinner.<P>Carol was right about using your parents as your excuse. You are an adult. You make your own choices. Just because someone was mean to me as a child doesn't mean I go about bullying people as an adult. (I'm not bullying you here, am I? ) <P>Many physically and emotionally and mentally abused children grow up to be perfectly loving adults. I heard a saying once that said the difference between a smart man and a wise man was that a smart man learned from his mistakes while a wise man learned from OTHERS mistakes. Which do you aspire to be? What kind of man doesn't even learn from HIS OWN mistakes? <P>There are lots of good counselors out there (Christian or otherwise) who would love to help you. Find one - and take your wife with you to let her know how much you want to change - for her sake as well as your own.<P>Good luck and God bless.<BR>

Read read read, Many?. There is lots of wisdom on these postings. Harley's principles on the MB website are definitely where you need to start if you haven't already. You want to know how to have certain needs met? Harley's principles are designed to show you and your wife how to achieve that! His basic book is titled His Needs, Her Needs. Read and learn. Pray. and take the other advice given here also - go to a counselor. Don't beat yourself up. You have enough guts and enough desire to be better by jsut coming here to begin your search. Take another step and read read read. Hang in there!<P>------------------<BR>Faith1