Some of you know me on the just found out thread.
I have been doing a lot of thinking and trying to figure out my husbands actions to why he cheated.

It has been months and he still shows very little signs of working on us and frankly, I am tired of this!
I don't want to be in a relationship where I have to compete over a memory of a person who slept with my husband. In other words he won't let her
go. He is lying to me every day and saying that he is upset over something else, his job loss (do to his actions with the ow) but I know it is her.

I am going to quote in an e-mail that he had written to me and need some other imput!
This e-mail kept me up all night thinking about going to my attonery and get the D papers.

I have kept off MB to rethink and figure out what I am going to do in this mess.

Read RandyRails e-mail to me. Why he is using second persons in beyond me!..... READ ON

No, Ali is livid that I want to "even up the score" with the whore in McAllen. Sometimes I think Ali would be happy if I showed no signs of hurt and not a single ounce of anger regarding the loss of the job and the whore. After all, the whore got away with murder and got to keep her job.
Ali does not allow me to show any emotion at all regarding what happened in McAllen. Not the job, not anything at this point. All she wants to talk
about is "us" which is not going anywhere because there never is an "us" with the kids around and everything else surrounding the relationship.

I don't feel like talking to her because I just don't know where we are headed. I look at our lives and what took place in McAllen with my freedom and being able to do the things I wanted to do, and I just resent her even
more.

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I do love, Ali. But it's not the same as it was before the kids.

I know I am a lousy husband and person for what I did to her. There must
have been a reason.

I do love her. If anything happened to her, I think the loss would be too great to imagine. She doesn't think so, but I know she is wanting to give up on us. Who wouldn't???

I think these cross signals might be a hint to go ahead with a divorce.

opinions please!
Ali

Hi Ali,
I got your long e-mail this morning I will respond to it later today..

I think you put up with alot of BS from Randy and waited long enough and have been humiliated beyond belief.

you have every right to move on with your life.
I imagine you are emotionally drained.

you have a big responsibility with the boys..
put Randy aside and let him take care of himself.
he is not about to see things other then what he wants to see..I am concerned he might even do something he will be sorry for..but then again that is his choice..

I am sure you are eligable for some certain type of program with your sons being disabled..so look into that.with ss..

I will be praying for you, I hope you get into a church and have fellowship with other women who will surround you with their love and compassion..

you have a long life ahead of you, and need the energy to direct it to the boys..they will take so much energy, so please take care of you..

as far as randy goes, he is already off on his own road and I think he is a drama queen even though he is a guy..he is too selfish to see you and the boys need to be a family.

I think you do need to move on The bible tells us..divorce is ok when one has committed adultry.

another thing they use to stone people for adultry so letting him have his own life, he is lucky..

I think he is oblivious to what is really going on..and I think perhaps life is too difficult for him..and he is not equipped to be a father or a husband..

you will do well..and with God with you and your boys to love you..you will be ok..I have no doubts that you are strong enough to do this..you have youth on your side..so trust God..and keep walking in the light he gives you..and love those babies...and I will pray that God pours His love and blessings and keep you safe..and give you wisdom and knowledge in how to handle Randy..and what to say to him..to bring closure in the marriage..
Keep on Keeping on..
Dottie..SadEyes... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think ali that it was written for you to find. Like he was writing it to himself...

What an idiot. With the references to the kids and life not being easy, this guy is shrugging his responsibilities. Almost sounds like a form of rebellion to me.

And the reference to the w$ore? Did he call her that or did you? I am not sure if he's being cruel to you because I know for sure I called monkeyho what she was and have called Family Values what she is to her face...Hey, I am not a liar ok? If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

He doesn't want blood on his hands so he's kinda pressuring you to do something. That's what my x did too.

It's crazy. They can't be man enough and do what they want to or will drive you insane enough to force their hand or make you decide.

Either he commits to MB reconstruction techniques and to healing or else.

HE sounds like a kid rebelling against a hard life.

Well my son was a preemie. He was on two different kinds of monitors. That's not easy. Then he caught a virus when he was 15 mos. old and required 3 days in hospital. I walked on eggshells worrying about what could possibly happen to him for two years. Jethro started messing around when my son was a year old. Seems some of them don't like the responsibility of having little ones, especially when difficulties arise.

But do we decide one day to up and run off? That we've had enough stress? That our being stressed out and working our tails off day in and day out as moms, the hardest and best job in the world, makes us any more privileged and thus we are justified to run off and satisfy our desires and away from our kids and marriage just because things got tough and there wasn't enough fun anymore? Some men run off and some women do too when the going gets rough.

Stress doesn't give one a license to cheat, party or be less than a marriage PARTNER.

He will regret what he's doing. I say in the meanwhile, show him you mean business. By all me
ns, keep the email as it shows his negligence as a father and his wishing to run away and abandon his family.

You will know when enough is enough. You can always file for a legal separation and send him a plan B letter/letter like one in Love Must be Tough.

It's time to make this player see the fruits of his playing. Work on you and focus on the kids. We're here.

I hate to say divorce just yet. But believe some steps are necessary to keep things in order financially and legally for the kids. Legal separation is what I'd do. HE will see the writing on the wall and have one last chance to work on HIM and show what he's made of.

Like Dr. Phil says, watch actions. Words are empty. Watch the actions.

Oh, in the email he blames you for everything...the stress..the no fun...the kids even.

Like you were all alone in the fun part which is the making of the kids.

What an [censored]. Tell him that it is sure fun to make the babies but it's the character that comes into play when you raise them.

Hey Ali! I hadda come back, got to thinking about all my ole buddieZ here and missed all y'all. I'm sorry this is still going on - please do know you and Randy are still in my prayers.
Peace, Healing, Happiness and Joy to you and Randy.
Harold