I just need a little advice. My WS and I have an initial conference set up in a few weeks. We tried mediation to negotiate the sep agreement, but he stopped going because he said it was a waste of his money.
He said he just wanted the courts to decide what type of support I get, and what assets I get. But I thought that we had to agree on that stuff, that the judge didn't do that.
He doesn't want me to bring a lawyer into this, but I feel like I need someone who will protect my rights in this. But I don't want to piss him off.
He did say that he may consider mediation later, that he wants to see where the initial conference leads.
Please let me know if I am correct about the court deciding issues, and what the initial conference might be about. I know laws vary from state to state.
I just don't know what to do.

Harmony

In my state, the courts don't get involved except in custody cases.
In order to go to court, you probably had to complete a CIS (client information statement) which states your income, assets, expenses, etc. If you and your H are in agreement to these values, there are formulas which are utilized to set child support. Alimony is more difficult. In my state, unless you are married 10 years, you get next to nothing, and then only if you were at SAHM with young children.
So, I don't know how you are going to court without a lawyer, but good luck toyou.

The judges don't really want to see people. They want them to come to their own agreements to that they feel they had input to the process.

worry about pissing him off?

What a guy. Not doing the right thing like alot of WS do.

Let YOUR lawyer decide. Let him go before judge unrepresented.

Sure he doesn't want lawyers. They will be agressive. And he wants to get out of this cheap and maybe not give you what you deserve.

Say, yea hon. I will see you in court. Bring your checkbook. WS eat cake and it usually goes in court too. Think they deserve everything and the icing on the cake too.

{{{{{harmonyj}}}}}

I don't have much time to write but your post struck me. I've been in your situation. My final hearing will be in a few days. I've felt the butterflies and anxiety your are going through. It is normal, if that helps any.

Yes, the process varies by state. You really, really need to get a lawyer to protect your rights. Don't assume that your WS will do that. On the contrary. If you're lucky, you can get the court to order your WS to pay for your legal expenses. Be carful in selecting an attorney. Shop around. Most offer a free initial consult. You need help. Did I mention that?

My initial hearing was also scary. We discussed the facts of the case before a judge. If you don't have an attorney with you, I'm not sure how you can expect to have a hearing before a judge. Don't expect that you can use the same attorney that your WS will use. No way. My lawyer knew what was needed to bring out the truth from my W. Of course I did present my attorney with lots of evidence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I was in the witness box for about an hour I guess counting the time I was questioned by my attorney and my W's attorney. And here I was the BS! Made me angry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> There were no other witnesses at our first hearing. A few days after the hearing, the judge ruled on temporary living arrangements for the family, custody issues, etc. There were not temp orders for child support or spousal support. We continued to live under the same roof with the children.

Seven months later, my final hearing is later this month. I'm about as anxious as I was before the first hearing. I would recommend mediation if at all possible to reduce the number of decisions you put in the hands of the court. In our case, we haven't been able to agree on anything. Don't agree to anything without an attorney looking over your agreements.

Good luck to you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

HoFS

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: HofFenceSitter ]</small>

Ok, so lawyer it is, I just can't think about getting screwed. Him walking away with 75,000/year, me with 25,000/year. Him walking away with 25,000 in 401k, me with no retirement plan because he never wanted me working full time.
It was an 10year marriage, and 13years together total.
This sucks.

You haven't mentioned kids. If you have none- you should be able to get back on your feet faster.
But after ten years of marriage, you should qualify for at a minimum "rehabilitative alimony". That is alimony for a temporary period to get you into a better paying job. Usually 203 years.
Good Luck.