My ex husband hadn't paid child support in 3 months, so I finally applied for public assistance. So now he suddenly decides to pay $800 (he's behind $2,000), but I can't have it because I'm on public assistance, which pays me $220 a month!!!!!!!

AAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh! Did I mention that the only job I've been able to find is part time, so I make about $800 a month and have 3 kids.

Is there any state that actually helps you get on your feet, rather than pulling you up so it can stomp you down???

Annavon - family assistance is slow, really don't care, and you will have to fight the rest of your life. I know, am in the same situation. I called family assistance today, haven't received alimoney and childsupport for 2 months now. Has to go through the system, they are taking their good old time. Family assisatnce still hasn't called me back. Been there 3 times to fill out paperwork. And my x-husband buys computer stuff, gourmet food, etc. Where I am not making it.

I don't know the state you are in, I am in Michigan. All I know is that as soon as I can, I am getting out of this big house. Moving to something small, and economical. Yes, I got this house, while he got the house in Arizona for him and the other woman, and the stocks, that stocks and house were bought from my settlement money from an injury at work. Which I will have to suffer the rest of my life with.

Government aide is not really good. Seen it for myself, and I feel bad that I applied, but I am in the need of government help. Husband doesn't give one sh*t about me, does the kids, but still doesn't give them money to pay me. He gives them money to buy gas, treats, grain for the horses, etc. Shows were his love is, in his pocket. I know he loves his kids, but I love them just as much. And I am standing up for myself, and not letting x-husband or the kids walk all over me. I have been walked on for many years, by x-husband, and the kids saw how it was. Now they think they can walk over me, no more. If they don't like it, too bad. They can move out.

Anna - have you asked for assistance from your church? Also, I made a call to the judge today that finalized our divorce, and told her the delema I am in. She gave me a # to call. It was not the judge, it was her secretary. So tomorrow I will continue on the path of getting financial help.

Just keep calling, and seeing what you can get. Go throught he phone book, and the betrayed spouse is the one who gets hurt physically, emotionally, financially, and it sucks. SNL is still on the war path that this house that I got is still $15,000 his. I told him the house he got in Arizona is all mine, and the stocks are all mine cause that was from my settlement money. He is still on the warpath with his insane talk, and trying to prove how right he is.

As you see, on the boards, he still is the same. This man will never change, and that is sad. Yes, he is causing a lot of disharmony in this house.

Yes, you are getting a lot of stress. I wish that we all could get together and brand these men for good. But God will get them back in the long run. My x-husband is so out of control with his mouth. So out of control with his actions. We all are experiencing the same scenario. If I can think of anything else to tell you tomorrow, I will, after I make my call from the secreatary. Hold on girl, this is so wrong, and we are the ones who get hurt plenty.

Praying for you Anna, and your kids. Keep posting, and maybe someone else has some ideas for you.

Hi!
What state do you live in? I am on PA at this time because of my H's job losses and his old company failed to give us our cobra rights. I have been on it for almost two years. I was pregnant at the time and when H found a job PA would not and still won't allow me to get off. November is when I will be on H insurance if we are still together. I was humiliated at first because my H makes a pretty good buck, but know I see all the beneifits that it has to offer and I am really grateful.
Illinois has wonderful programs that help people like you and I who need help! Have you heard of WIC? I am not eilgible, but it is where you can receive free food. Like four gallons of milk. Free formula, cheese juice, vegetable and so on. I
talk with your case worker. That does not sound right that you cannot receive $$ from your ex and not receive from PA as well. Three kids?? And not allow extra help???
I am not sure what your skills set are and where you live but a lot of the larger companies that have an inside free day care!!! A friend of mine works for one of the largest office supply companies and she utilizes their day care.
To be a single parent with children is very hard. The system should really consider a bigger break for single parents trying to make ends meet.
I hope this helps...
Ali
OH yeah I got all my info from my kids Peditrician. The Doctors have so much insite. Don't be affraid to ask!

One last thing!
Do not use credit cards if you are ever in trouble. Unless you know you can afford to make the montly payment. Do not use tehm for anything!!!! I would keep just one and a store card to keep your credit scores high. Establish a good credit history for yourself! That will also get you ahead! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

One other thing --- even with state aid you are allowed to have a Christmas fund or vacation fund, put something in a 'savings fund' of some kind every month, until you have several hundred in there for emergencies. Even if you put only your change in there every week, it will soon build up to enough for some kind of emergency fund.

Jan

Not Michigan.

I have to be careful to not accept any job that pays just a little too much, or I'll lose medical and child care assistance, and there is no way I could afford to work without those.

There seems to be an invisible hump. You either make do with very little income and keep the assistance, or you have to really jump income classes from low-middle to middle-upper to be able to get by. If you're stuck in the middle, you generally don't make enough per hour to pay for the things you need, that you no longer can get help with from the state because you make "too much".

I don't like being on assistance, but at this stage in my life, it's a necessary evil. It won't be forever, and at the end of two years, I'll either be over that hump or struggling to make my way.

I'm in Iowa. Here it seems that if you make over $1,000 a month, you don't get much assistance. I'm pretty frugal, but I still can't support 4 of us on that!

I did get into credit card trouble because when my ex was paying child support, I wasn't eligible for medicaid, and I'm diabetic, with $150 a month in medical expenses.....I had no choice but to put them on a cc. At least now I get medicaid, for the moment anyway.

My church has been great.....they have paid my rent several times.

Unfortunately, my mom and brother have the attitude that I should be on my feet by now, and mostly lecture me....I would appreciate it if they would at least be encouraging, even if they don't help financially.

Also check to see if your area has a "displaced homemaker" program. They offer training for returning to work, computer training, and they can advise you of programs for food assistance.
Don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Someday you'll be the one in the position to give it.

With the WIC and food stamp programs, they now have debit card like cards. So it's not as much of a stigma. I was behind someone in line at the grocery and noticed it. The woman behind me just rolled her eyes. But I thought, at least this woman's child will have the formula and cereal he/she needs to grow up strong.

Keep praying, and May God bless you and your family.

hi!

did you ever think about moving to a state that can give you the proper help?
If you are a family of three or four and your income is less than, i believe, 36 a year, you are eligible for benefits!
i love Illinois because there is a lot of large companies and i believe our state takes good care of you, if you don't cheat the system that is.
a friend of mine, get this, got married had a baby, got divorced and was eligible for free tuition at our local jr. college. that was ten years ago before i knew her. so never mind going straight out of high school to get aide, get married, have baby get divorced, then get free tuition for school. oh yeah plus day care! not bad!
newly, i cannot believe someone would be that insensitive to roll their eyes when someone needs help! I grew up on the north shore in the chicago subs and never really was subjected to the reality of what people are going through just to survive. like i said before i was humiliated everytime i had to go to the pharmacy or a new doctors office. but now i understand. but i never placed a judgment to begin with.
when i see actions like that, i am quickly to defend that person and politely chew them a new one! unreal!
check into what your state has to offer. maybe your ex will consider to let you take you kids to the next state over so you can get your help since he's not helping!!!!
Ali

My x still owes me over 12k.

I know what it's like. But child support is child support. That shouldn't affect your needing public assistance. I am not sure.

I say get legal aid asap. Help you with this quagmire. I will pray. This situation is tough for us. I know it. You know it firsthand. We will make it through.

And the funny part is that my relatives are the very same. Always coming up with advice and wanting to be "verbally supportive."...Heck. I took (back when I had dough) my sis and bro in law (he's a doc) on a cruise and paid for their cruise and for their daughter to cruise. Do you think they ever loaned me a dime when I needed it? Do you think they ever came to help when I needed extra money to legally fight my x? Nope.

My grandparents who supported sister and hubby when he was in med school haven't given me a dime either. Have a wealthy aunt in CA and nothing either. But loads of "good advice" and always "if you need to talk I am here stuff." No real help, just lip service. Same with some old friends too.

Last time I spoke with the Outlaws, they told me that "I was doing a wonderful job with my son and raising him so well...that they wanted to know how I was doing (like they ever pick up a phone and call me whom they've known 10 years)and asked about my job...all the while they had OW's son with them at the church/school easter egg hunt). So I told them the truth. That things were really hard and very tight after not receiving payment from their son and that he left us in a bad way.

I don't tell people what they want to hear anymore. Let them calm their own conscience.