I have been reading the post lately, just trying to work through all the feelings going on inside.

last monday H and I had a serious talk about seperating or divorcing. I dont have any hope this M is going to work. Tuesday farwell party for me after work. I got home at 1am

wed. found out he told boys, brother and mother we were getting a divorce..his ring was off and he was very angry. asked me not to go on planned camping trip. I said ok..youngest wants to stay with me. so plans got changed to each one of us spending quality time alone with one boy.

thurs. he wants to fix things, he didnt go to work. many sexual advances I turned them down.

fri. he didnt go to work, canceled plans with oldest to go camping...ugh!!!! Dont start breaking promises to the boys.
I was so looking forward to just some me time..relax with youngest get a pizza just have time to think.
I went to my brothers by myself till 11

sat. continued on with my orginal plans for the youngest and myself.
sun. he still wants to fix things

MONDAY very very angry....the things he said in front of my boys was unbelivable...my oldest was afraid he would kill the dog when we went to karate...he said on the way to karate what if dad deystroys all your stuff...the damage he did that day...it makes me cry.
I cant live like that anymore afraid...the unspoken rule. Life will be ok if you just do what you should do. What I want you to do.

tues. July 1st I filed...he bought a new truck...was in a good mood wanted to take the family for a ride...UGH

I just hope he does what he says he is going to do and that is to move out monday. He said last night when he was "ok" that he wanted to get a divorce about 5 months ago but put it to the back of his mind and I thought it was about 5 months ago when I could get the sense things were going to crap again.

I told the boys myself yesterday...I said it was not their fault, we both love them, they could still see their dad and I would not talk bad about their dad.
Oldest says but dad says he wants to make your life miserable.....I dont want him doing this to the boys...the selfish &^%$^&*(*()((&%$##@ cant he see the this is hard enough on them you dont stick them in the middle. everything he said on monday that they heard I wish I could take it out of their memory banks.
he actually asked me if the youngest was his....that hurt the worst because he was attacking him as much as me. thank god the boys didnt hear that wonderful comment.

so i filed....

trishcat - when two people are angry, words come out that hurt everyones ears. When one thinks back about what they said, they cringe inside and will think how did I ever say that.

Your husband is afraid, and hurting. As well as you are. Both of you know that divorce is going to hurt everyone in the family. Husband will realize that there is no longer a family unit. He will one day see what he decided to leave. A wonderful wife, a loving mother, and the connection that the two of you had in a marriage. He is crying out in anger with his nasty comments, and his nasty actions. Men seem to use verbal abuse in their anger. I know, I had plenty of it from my x-husband.

Stay on your path of not letting him get to you. Do a plan B, and does he know that you filed? When he finds out, it will get worse. He will use everything against you, and question you on every cell in your body. My husabnd said to me, while he was in his fffoogggg... deep fog, that our youngest probably wasn't ours. He even told me that we should have DNA testing done. He couldn't even remember being in the hospital when the kids were born. That hurt, and still hurts.

Your husband is going to express words that you will be appalled at. They use words to hurt you. And will use the kids against you. My x-hsuband used the kids against me, and still does some. I hear little tidbits here and there.

One, I would tell him to sleep elsewhere, and if he refuses, you move into another room. If need be, buy a comfy little bed, and make you a quiet area that is your bedroom. No sex, definitely no sex. No hugging, nothing. Just be civil, and do the Plan B. Talk about the kids, talk about finances, make sure you get your half of the money. Don't be surprised if your husband hides the money. My x-husband did, and sitll does.

We were counseling with the Harleys, and that was the first thing they told me was to get my money out of the account. I didn't believe the Harleys, and sure enough it happened to me. So secure your money situation. Secure yourself a little place to sleep if husband refuses to leave the bedroom. Secure yourself with counseling. This is going to be hard hon, the verbal abuse is so terrible. Get a good companion to express your hurt and loss to. A good friend, or someone from church. You will need to have someone to talk this over with.

I am not saying that you should of filed. I am against divorce, and against the verbal abuse. You can delay the divorce for a long time. And see if husband will go to counseling. But if this is what you feel you should do, then you have to take action to protect yourself. This is going to be war, and a big battle. My x-husband wanted a amicable divorce. First he would not admit to having an affair, and sex. Then the lies continued, and continued. Found out just recently he lied again. Hon, we all are here for you. Work on yourself, and work on giving yourself strength and power for every day.

If this is what you think you should do. Be prepared for the worst. Be prepared to walk away sometimes, as long as the boys are taken care of, and take time for yourself. Good luck.

Get a counselor to help you through this.
Also, I suggest you read "the verbally abusive relationship" by patricia evans, which will probably explain alot about your M.

I know what you mean about the memory bank comment. We've been separated 1.5 years and the girls still remember him calling me the maid, and encouraging them to do it too.

You will go through many stages now. Read or seek counseling to help you through this. You will help your children best if you are getting help.

Also, get "Mom's House/Dad's House" and books on how to speak to children about divorce. These books help when you can't find the words.

AS faith has said! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We were counseling with the Harleys, and that was the first thing they told me was to get my money out of the account. I didn't believe the Harleys, and sure enough it happened to me. So secure your money situation. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">this also happened with me, they seem to manage to take all the money out thinking they deserve to have it all. and they have outstanding checks out yet..depending on whose signature is on it, is responsible and it costs a ridiculous amount of money to pay by the time it gets back to you.the bank fee can be up to 22.00 a check then the people who you wrote it to also wants 18.00 or so..so it gets expensive..you can go to the bank though and take half out..as half is yours.. but then make sure there is something left for the checks.. Be sure to listen to your attorney on these things.and protect yourself and ask WHAT DOES THAT MEAN..of them..
God bless and I will be praying and know we are thinking about you...I am so sorry it has turned out this way..but you will be ok..you will survive, even though it is the worse thing right now, it will be ok soon...Keep on keeping on.
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