Discovered my W affair four weeks ago. Tried to work it out with her, but she
could not get over what she thinks are love feelings for him. Finally after three
weeks of this - I told her that she would have to leave and go find what she wants.
If it is him and it is true love so be it. Well, she called the O M and guess who can't
leave his wife now- and that he is confused and doesn't know what he wants.
My wife is starting to doubt what they really had - but still feels in her heart
that she is in love with him.

My question to you guys - what do I do ? One side of me says that if she is in
love with him and doesn't want to be at home with me and the kids - then I
should move on. One side of me says that since everybody except her thinks
this is NOT love , then she will realize who really loves her and want to work
things out. I did not feel like we had a bad marriage before - some issues
like everyone else - but nothing that would be like this. She cannot give me
any big issues either.

I guess I just don't know what I want and was hoping some of you could
help me see the light thru some of your past experiences.

Thank you in advance !

I'm sorry this happened to you. Can you spell "P-L-A-Y-A"? Or how about CAKEWALKER? She wants this other dude, but since he's having second thoughts so he says, then she wants you around for a sloppy second. YOU deserve better than that - she needs to DECIDE which one - you or him. If she 'loves' him - then she will wait for him and go out on her own. Having her hang out at your place - knowing her heart is with him and not you is just plain stupid!
Harold

If you still want her, wait it out.

If not, leave her.

She needs to come around and pursue YOU. Do not just start to pursue her now that she is "available". Let her sweat for a while and think that she has nobody and she might wake up.

DON'TDERSERVE,

Have you read the concepts associated with this site? They are on the Concepts pages, linked above.

I suggest you start there. There is a progression of actions that takes place whenever one has an A. Please begin reading. Order Surviving an Affair, if you haven't done so.

It is possible to save your M, but it may not happen right away, AND it's important for you to realize you won't be returning to the "old" M you had. That relationship is dead and gone. Your W going out and having OM meet her EN's assures that.

In fact, the odds seem to be in your favor that you CAN save your M. BUT, first your W seems poised to go through "withdrawal" from her addiction to OM. If you know nothing about any of this, then you definitely need to begin reading on the Concepts pages right away!

You will get more up-lifting, positive encouragement to save your M from GeneralQuestionsII forum. Please go over there for more help.

Good luck!

God Bless,

Hi!
sorry about your problems with your wife.

have you been tested for STD's yet?
that is one thing that you need to do.
also she needs to be tested.

maybe she needs to go to councelling to get some things sorted out for herself..and you go also
to an individual councellor to help decide what you want..and she can decide what she really wants and then if you both decide you want to be together then do marriage councelling or go to a retreat together a marriage encounter..there are plenty of them.

if he isn't leaving his wife, your wife probably will want the security of your marriage again.

make sure when you let her in your life again,
that you really want her back and that she stops all contact with the other man..preferebly NOW no calls nothing...it is the only way it will work.

I will pray that you will do what is best for you.
it really is your decision, there are not gurantees she won't stray again..but if you have help with a marriage counceling you have a better chance.the best thing seems to be the marriage encounters..and alot of churches right now are
really into doing things on marriages on wed nites alot of troubled marriages in the world..
it is epedemic..so your not alone..

God bless and keep on keeping on...
let me know how it goes for you.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />