...separated, although not legally! Lord, I never thought that I'd be part of the status quo insofar as my marriage going down the tubes. I am not making light of this situation because I am, in fact, extremely upset with myself and my WH. I can't even begin to describe my despair at this moment. My tears are gushing and my heart is physically pained. And, I thought that my inner healing was going so well. Until I found out that my hubby, who moved out to get his addictions under control, has a sex toy. His leaving was to encourage his growth from addiction and NOT to be act like a bachelor and go "boing" another hobag! His last hobag lasted four (or five...lost count) years into our marriage when we were still living together. And, he knows that the pain and frustration that has caused our relationship from the start of that ordeal. Hell, we haven't even gotten over that humongous hump and here he is waxing someone else's kitty.

I'm overwhelmed with grief and pain in the knowledge that he doesn't give a fat rat's [censored] who he hurts as long as his needs are fulfilled. Damn....I haven't be truely loved in so many years that I'm scared to even ask for what all people deserve. I only want my deservance legally, with my husband. I'm too moral...and so emotionally deprived. Am I the only one out here who hasn't had sex with anyone besides their husband?

((((((((( GeezLouise ))))))))))

I don't know what to say... but I did want to offer you some cyber hugs. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Karen

Hi, I really hate that you're going through this too. We go to court in August. We've been separated since last November. No, I too have only been with one man, and that is my husband. We were married for 20 years. He left me for another woman he met online. I have good days and bad ones. I believe that everyone should know what it feels like to be truly loved by someone. I hope one day to know what that feels like. I hope you do too. Don't give up, I'm told that it will get better with time.

Dear GeezLouise,

Sorry to hear about your painful situation. Life does tend to throw a lot of curves at us doesn't it?

Things do get better...and with time you will realize again what a special person you are--and that you deserve to be loved and respected. It will happen....I am sure of it.

In the meantime, hang in there. You are going through one of life's worst situations. It is ok to feel-- sad, angry, hurt and upset. It is ok to feel betrayed and lost for the time being. This is not something that you get over quickly. Try to develop some close friends for support, join a support group if there is one, do something just for you. This whole situation tends to be so self-esteem crushing. I don't know if the pain ever truely goes away completely--but it does dull.

Life is still full of promise...and the further I get away from my ex and his addictions--the more healthy I feel. Take care of yourself....Pat

Ladies...thank you for your wonderful hugs and advice. Both are desperately needed and appreciated. I'm literally sickened by the direction in which my life is headed. I waited so many years for my hubby to "get it" that I inflated my dreams beyond the reality. I'm truly heartbroken by this newest revelation yet I'm also appreciative of the fact knowing this information while I still have time to change things. I don't want him back. I want to be a "better me" so that I can go forward with my head held high without feeling this tremendous weight upon my shoulders.

This is not our (me and hubby) first rodeo with pain and suffering (mostly on my part); therefore, I want to break the cycle and in order to so that, I need to rid myself of my pain...HIM. This sounds callous yet it is THE truth. I can no longer carry the burden of his addictions and sickness. I need to work and concentrate on ME for a change. I deserve it and I will achieve it. I just wish that it didn't have to derive from a broken heart or home...