Most of us BSer's out here are working on ourselves, improving ourselves, licking our wounds, recovering, getting on with our lives. I think you get the picture.

Most of us are trying to take care of all of the above things, plus our kids and the daily grind.

What is it our x's are doing? Oh yeah spending money and free time with the OP/new spouse and having visitation with the kids,(this is so different then parenting). Continuing to let us take care of a house and kids.

Is is just me tonight or does this just not seem to be fair? When do we get "our" turn to be selfish? Oh yeah we weren't/aren't the selfish ones, we were/are the upstanding one that was part of the duo!!!

I guess it hit a little hard tonight as I had to call xH about some parenting stuff with the 18 YO kid/not kid (anyone with one of these knows what I am talking about) and I could hear "her" in the backgound going "what is it now?" I am tired, so very tired of doing it by myself, sometimes I just want some one to embrace me and tell me with sincerity and feeling that it's going to be ok!!!

It's been a longgggggggggggggggggggg day if you know what I mean!!!!

Good night,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm sorry to hear you were having a bad night last night Dawn. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I hope you're feeling better today.

On one hand, I think it's great that you continue to talk to your x about the kids, and parenting issues... but from what you've posted on here, he doesn't seem to be all that interested. Am I right? If that's the case... then why bother filling him in?

I know that it's different for me, b/c my boys are so young... but ever since I went to shelter, and have had NC with stbxH, I'm finding my parental duties EASIER to handle. But maybe that's just me? Our situations are far too different to compare.

Is there a possibility that any of the kids could go and live with dad for a while? That would sure put a kink into his new life, huh? Ooohhhh... reality bites at times, it really does. Do any of the kids want to go there for an extended length of time?

Karen

Dawn I can understand your frustration. My H. has not filed for D. but is living with a pg OW#2. has been gone for a yr and living with her for a few months. I have an 18yr old son who was just in a serious accident and cancelled my plans to go camping with my oldest son in another state. And did it willingly and knowing I would not leave him alone even if someone came over to help him out. But H. went to OW's father's house by lake Mi. and was gone 3 days, and told me I should still go camping, that son would be fine! Maybe so, but he needs all his food blended up, and strained-he has a wired jaw-and he has a broken knee cap and a broken left leg, which had surgery on. He is still in a lot of pain and I would not leave him and enjoyed being home with him. Watched lots of movies! So I understand how you feel, but am trying to let go and figure it is between him and God, and I can't control him, just me. I was po'd but hey, I am glad I am here for my kids, it makes me feel good and I don't have any regrets, and he has many. He's still too proud to admit he is wrong and is upset with OW's exH. because he's making remarks about the baby etc. Which may not be right to do but he is still trying to justify things. What he does is just as bad as what I am doing kind of thing. Anyway, know you are not alone and I hope you can get out a bit and enjoy yourself. Hugs!!!

Hey, did you steal my question????????

Did you?????

Admit it. That was my question first!!!!!!!!!!

If i had a quarter for every time I've asked that question, I could spend the night in a Holiday Inn! Then I might be really smart!

I might even know the answer to the question.

Seriously, I think it will be my turn after the youngest child - who is 10 - grows up and settles down.

I get really tired. Tired of the whole routine. The children were only 4 and 2 when their dad left. Leaving me to do all the work for how many years.

He's earning $90K compared to my $26K. And I'm raising the children.

Oh well, maybe they'll remember who was there when they were sick. When they had bad dreams. When they cried. When their friends moved across the country. When their friends transferred to other schools.

Meanwhile, I have 8 million honey-do jobs around here that I could use help on.

daybreak - our turn will come when we go up to heaven. Our wayward spouses will have a hard time facing the gates.

I know whwat you mean about the to do list. I am trying to do many things, and getting short on time with school starting for me. But I hired a plumber that I met at my garage sale a few weeks ago. He came today, and worked on the tub and faucets. He is going to work on the downstaris toilet, and he has someone coming to look at the shower downstairs. Also, he is going to get the laundry tub done right. It has been on pieces of 2x4 with garbage bags for counters. I am excited, and just trying to do things as cheaply as possible. SNL was over, he paid the young guy for the work he did today. I was pleased with SNL, no hassle, andhe is going toget the parts to get the downstaris toilet fixed properly. Also, he will have to pay for the leak upstairs and the shower. I just want this house looking nice for putting it up for sale. But SNL did his part and did good. Thanks SNL.

Our turn is working on ourselves, and making our lives more easier and that is why we all have to downsize and move into something economical and cheap. I am looking into a smaller home. Just want a nice place to have the kids stay with me for awhile. And want a nice place to have dinner parties, and invite church people over for dinner and for cell group. I want to have x-mas dinner at my house this year. It will be my house only, and Iw ant to celelbrate with being my house. SNL of course will be more than welcome, to join the family.

I am finding that us bs's have been given the rotten end of the stick, and that is the way it is. The wayward spouse have money galore. SNL makes big K's. And right ow I have nothing. But I will survive, and be a better person for who I am.

Life is not fair, and the wayward sposue will get their payback in the end. I would never want to be in my x-husband seat ever. What he did was morally wrong, and deceitful, and a big liar.

Thank god we weren't that way.

Try to look at the good in you and the good in your life. I am glad that I have my house, and have my kids living with me. I love my kids and love their interaaction. God bless my children.

{{{Dawn}}}

I don't have an answer for you, either. I think we do the best we can and enjoy what moments we do get!

I'm kidless for a month, but am so busy with work that I haven't had time to even miss them yet. I just put down my old dog last week and that left a very empty spot in my heart and house. Now with both girls gone it is so quiet (how can 2 dogs, a cat and 3 ducks be quiet?).

I don't have to talk with my ex regarding children at all, matter of fact, if he pursues visitation with the younger daughter when she comes back from vacation, I will be getting her a child advocate attorney to state her wishes and stop the nonsense. It is different for me... my ex can't have anything to do with the kids other than support them. When they are older, I can only hope they remember who was there for them and be there when I am old and feeble.

Lori

Like Cindy said, if I had a dime for every time I asked myself that question....I'd probably have 2 NIGHTS at the Holiday Inn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

One week ago, I moved from my beautiful old home ( 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, hugh deck, game room) to my beautiful new home ( a 2 bedroom rental house in a quiet old neighborhood). I am making this new home beautiful and I have great landlords who understand my situation and have allowed me to paint, stencil, do whatever I want to make this MY HOME. I spent yesterday hanging pictures and mirrors and "artsy-fartsy" stuff that I love. I have enough furniture to be comfortable without being crowded. My STBXH got most of the rest (king size bed and suite, pool table, formal living room furniture, you get the picture) simply because I have no room for it and no $ to store it for future use. It's just part of the letting go process for me. "Stuff" is important to him and the OW...it helps define who they are. I KNOW who I am, with all my warts.

Daybreak, it does seem like they walk away with everything, no price to pay, no remorse. But in my heart I know the price they will eventually pay is not one I want any part of. We can continue to stand tall and proud of the efforts we made regarding our former or almost former spouses and know that the price we pay for doing the right and true thing is small compared to the inevidable price they will pay.

It takes courage to deal with the real world everyday...and that you have a plenty! Take care.

I'm really struggling with that right now.

x just had knee surgery. children are used to seeing him almost every day. he does the afternoon pickup during school year so I don't have to pay for after-school care. so I have to pick them up from him. and he wanted to continue picking them up in the afternoons this summer. They need to know and love him. He's not ugly to them.

But, with him unable to drive, the children want me to take them to x's every afternoon. so I have to go n too or look like the one who can't rise above it all.

So, this afternoon while he visited with the children, his w and I talked in the kitchen. and, every now and then, she says something innocently or asks a question or the discussion drifts to something that hurts me. Just issues that still hurt. It happened tonight and I've been on the verge of tears a lot tonight.

Things are just feeling so raw lately. Wouldn't it be nice if it turned out I was just suffering from a bout of hormones. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />