I just found this board and the messages and responses have really helped me. My problem is: Married for 12 years, 5 children. This is the second time my husband has left--first time for 13 months, this time has been 5 months. I've tried everything I know humanly possible to try and save my marriage. I am a communicator, while my H is definitely not. During our last conversation, H told me that he has not loved me for awhile, and does not know if he ever did?! How did I miss that? He basically told me that he did want a divorce, but knowing his personality, I knew he would never file. H is a pretty passive guy. I felt after all this time I had no choice, so I got an A and served him papers.

Now I am regretting my decision. H seems very sad about all of this, but won't really talk to me about anything. I feel in my heart that we are meant to be together, but don't know how to get passed all of this. We tried MC for a couple of months, but H won't go back. I know he's hired an A as well, but I think H is very confused about whether to sign or not. What is my next step? I am so very confused. Any advice/help would be much appreciated.

Hi Auntielala,
Welcome to MB. Without knowing more, my initial suggestion is to try another counselor. It could be that the first one wasn't a good match for your husband. (It sounds like your H is an avoider, with his non-communication. It would be great if he saw someone on his own, in addition to marital counseling.) Regardless, a new counselor might be akin to a "fresh start" towards working on your marriage. If he's sad, as you say, he might be open to it. Is your H experiencing any other issues? (evidence of affair, depression, etc.)

My personal view is to not jump into filing for D until you feel you have exhausted EVERY avenue of hope for your marriage. This includes serving papers, initiating separation, etc. That way you won't have any residual guilt or second thoughts down the road. It's hard to rebuild bridges that have been burned already. So proceed as slow as you can without going crazy. Are you getting financial support from him? Keep us posted.

Thanks for your replay and encouraging words. I asked my H about returning to counseling, with or without me, and his response was "no thanks". So that avenue is not an option anymore.

I don't really know if he is "depressed", but I know he is very confused, as he should be, since I served him papers, now have told him I don't want a D. I don't think pushing the idea of talking to him right now about things is the way either. I guess right now I just have to be patient, and pray that he chooes to give our marriage and our family another chance. I am receiving support from him, so that is a blessing. He is very responsible financially, just is emotionally bankrupt.