Stop laughing!!! I use to be really good at it too. But that was a long, long time ago!!!

Perhaps with the right person it will come back naturally, kind of like riding a bike thing. But just thinking about it scares me and then I can't think of how to do it!!!

I never flirted will I was married, I was married and married people didn't/shouldn't do that!!! Should of told my xH that I know!!!!

Anyways, thoughts, help would be greatly appreciated!!! Tomorrow is Friday and a GF and I are going out!!! HELP!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Coming from a man's point of view, all that a woman needs to do is show a little interest. I would recommend, IF you see someone that you are at all interested in, Just LOOK at him. Smile before you look away. He will get the hint. If you look quickly away without showing any interest at all, he will feel rejected. UNLESS you immediately look back at him or allow him to catch you looking at him soon afterward.

The trick, from a man's standpoint is, Most of us guys are willing to take the initiative... but we want as much 'cushion' that we won't be hammered by an abrupt denial or rejection, as we can get. Therefore, if you smile and glance at him a time or two, maybe look at him and lean over and tell your friend something while watching him, he will most likely find the nerve to come up and talk with you.

One thing that I would hesitate about however is touching. That is SUCH an ego builder, when a woman touches you, usually by grasping his arm while laughing or to 'bring home a point'. This changes everything in a man's mind. Make sure that you want to see this guy or get a call from this guy BEFORE you touch him at all. And if HE initiates the contact, then you should blow him off.

I don't know any self respecting man who will initiate touching. I mean, I won't even push a lock of hair out of her eyes unless she has touched me before hand. However, if she has and I like her, there is nothing better to show your interest than a light, purposeful touch on the back of the hand.

Laugh, joke, make small talk but be careful about what type of innuendos are joined in. Some less than savory men have a tendency to get racy in a 'test' of what a woman is thinking. Those type of guys are best to be blown off quickly.

Also, again from a man's point of view. An easy way to 'save face' for a man that approaches you that you are not interested in is to say, "I am in a relationship." EVEN if you are not, and I am not an advocate of lying. However, it is easy for you to say, you are saying you 'can't be interested in him' rather than 'don't want to be'. He walks away thinking, 'If she wasn't with someone, she would want to be with me.' You get a quick way of saying that you are not interested in his advances.

ALSO, DON'T lead a guy on. You can be friendly without being TOO friendly. It is better to be brushed off nicely than to be mislead. If you are just wanting to be fun and have a good time talking, then be sure to watch where the conversation leads and DON'T touch him.

OK, that is from a guy's point of view. Remember, all we want is a little 'hope' that you would be willing to talk with us for a few minutes. We don't necessarily need assurances, but a smile and a glance will definitely help us to get up the gumption to talk.

I'm not sure I remember, either. Sometimes I think I do and sometimes I think I don't.

My x left 8 years ago this month. We've been divorced something like 4.5 years. I'd have to find the papers to know when. Not an important date in my mind.

Yesterday, for the first time, for the first time - mind you, a man asked me for my phone number. Now, it's not like I'm a heinous looking creature. Not like I have no sense of humor. I don't know what is going on. But no man has point blank asked me for my phone number since I was 18. Unless you want to count two guys I went out with from personal ads. I don't know that that counts because they responded to my ad - not me to theirs.

What he really wanted though, was to see if we could get our sons together to play sometime. They are friends at day camp.

I am so glad that neither of you laughed out right at me!!!!

Formerly, thank you so very much for a guys input, very helpful!!!! I will not touch promise!!!!

Cin, did you give him your phone #?

My OD was 14 or so and she was playing co-ed soccer and some dude asked her for her digits on the field, she laughed at him and the next pass he took she slide tackled him!!!! I wasn't going to her for any advice!!!!!

I guess, I am just looking to have a little fun, get to meet and know some new people, I am not looking for anything more then that right now!!! I did look at some personals on line in our area and they were already to be committed, UGH!!! That is not what I want right now!!!! I fell like I missed a great deal of dating by marrying when I was 18!!

Wish me luck tomorrow night!!!!!

dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If you want a man's attention, you don't have to say a word at first. This always worked for me when I was single.
You glance at him until he notices, then look away. Then you look back until your eyes LOCK, then, the most important part, you gently whisp your hair back with your hand and look away.
This is the ultimate mating call.

Hi Daybreak,
I am not laughing either... was wondering the same myself. Didn't I see one of those "Dating for Dummies" books somewhere!
I am also 40, married when I was 17, had been with the same man for 24 years. Geez, where to even start. Well, atleast I have some time to read, observe, listen, and ask questions as I am not yet divorced. I have two kids 20 (D) and 15 (S), and although their dad may think it is OK, I do not want to date until I am divorced.

So, Good Luck and keep us posted. I, for one, need to learn everything I can about what the "dating world" is like these days!

I find it interesting that you happened to post this, just after I've talked to two of my closest girlfriends this week on the same subject.

They are both really good flirters, always have been. One is the go and get 'em type sending signals like crazy... the other sends them out by just being, well, naive and sweet! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I started asking them, "How do I flirt? I don't know how... I don't think I ever did for that matter. And even if I did... their signals always overpowered my own".

I haven't been in the dating circle for 8 or 9 years now. That's not very long by some standards... but since I didn't date too much prior to that... I don't have much practice or know-how.

Formerly-Confused: Thank you for taking the time to write out the man's point of view on flirting, and "how to". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That's helping me out immensely. Now to put it to practical use... just like Dawn! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Karen

Flirting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

I used to be really good at this; however I'm not sure I remember. Guess after all these yrs I need to finish this divorce & then maybe it will all come back to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

About the guy who wanted the phone number...he didn't look at me. He was looking at Nate. Remember, it's about friends for the boys. The guy looks a little too young - like 10 years younger than me. That's one of the things that happens when you have children late.

Formerly,

I had to go back and print out your post, I couldn't remember everything to share with my friend. So we are going to read up and then try out your suggestions tomorrow night!!!!

Cin,

Well 10 years younger might be a little to much, but again perhaps he is well preserved!!!!! What we don't do for our kids, though huh!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>About the guy who wanted the phone number...he didn't look at me. He was looking at Nate. Remember, it's about friends for the boys. The guy looks a little too young - like 10 years younger than me. That's one of the things that happens when you have children late.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what's wrong with robbing the cradle? If the chemistry is right - go for it!
About flirting - how about batting your eyelashes some, flipping your long hair around some, and if you're REALLY feeling bold - wink at him! You just never know...
Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It's also important to note your body language. Shy guys respond well if you smile and say something/anything first. I'd suggest "Hello" rather than, "Do you like peppermace?" as a starter. More agressive guys just need you to be in "I'm open" mode.

Open mode being "on the prowl" of course! I also hate it when I can't see if she has a ring. So flash some body language that involves your hands! LOL. The hair flip is good... but even better is the "accidental bump" that you repeat a few times... after the second or so, he'll get the clue that it's not just an accident.

Conversation can be flirty too. For example, which of the following topics are flirty?
- Your last tax return.
- How you love to french kiss and just can't get enough of it.
- Your ex-spouse.
- Your concern that you'll never get rid of those pesky tan lines.
- etc etc.

I agree with Lyxa as well. Most guys just need a little encouragment from a woman. Anything that shows that you are interested will do. The bump is great, but then again, you have to be walking around in order for that to occur. You also can't be too blatant, although, if you like the guy, being blatant is usually not an issue.

Guys enjoy talking just like women. The only problem is, that within our system of courting, we are usually the initiators. Many women pass up great men because they feel that it is the 'Guy's responsibility' to initiate the conversation. That is all fine and dandy, however, there are alot of great guys out there that are shy, and just like Lyxa says, a little "Hello" will get the ball rolling extremely well. Usually, at least from my standpoint, I believe that I would probably enjoy talking with ANY woman that walked up to me and introduced herself. Even if I didn't really find her attractive, I surely would not shut her down, although I might allow the conversation to lull or turn towards some innocuous line, showing that I really didn't want to be with her. I would NEVER just say 'NO' or something.

So ladies, I recommend you being a little more forward. Don't go with the old school thinking that you have to be coy and the men macho. Yes, it is still the fact that most women must look open and inviting and then the men will come calling. But if you find a certain man interesting, even if only physically, which, lets face it, will be the initial interest in almost every case; show that interest. You will loose nothing by smiling and looking at him. If he is not interested, then he will not respond in kind or will not approach. If he is interested, you will have shown him that you are semi-safe to approach.

There have been women that I have seen in the bookstore that I swear were there looking to meet someone. But they had their head buried in a book and would only look over it briefly. They made themselves unapproachable. Even by being in the right place, they were shutting off the world by how they were portraying themselves. Closed body language will halt any advance. Also, and this one might be hard for you ladies, but being in a big group pretty much makes you off limits to most men, except for some very aggressive ones. Usually, large groups signify a 'girls night out' which means that the interest is on talking to one another about the guys rather than talking to the guys themselves. So if you are in a large group, you will have to be very overt in letting guys know you are interested.

For example, I took my boys to a local restaurant for dinner. A couple tables over, there were about 12 or so women meeting and laughing it up. They seemed to be having a really fun time. Several were married (rings) and a few were not. A very lovely looking woman (no ring) was being 'goaded' into talking to me. The whole table was looking at me and my children. Now I make it an absolute rule that when I am with my children, I do not talk with women, in that way. So I could do nothing. However, she was very obviously interested and would have been very approachable otherwise. Her friends were apparent in their support of her, and did not 'hold' her back within the group. After we finished supper, we walked past the table, and every single woman at the table, including her, was looking at me. Had I a way to show my interest and leave a number or get a number in that instance, I would definitely have done it. But my boys are much more important to me, so I smiled, nodded at her, and kept walking.

I guess what I mean to say with this is that, if you are in a group and find someone interesting you have one of three options. You can break away from the group and continue to look at him, showing your interest. You can be much more obvious about your interest leaving an 'opening' for him to get to you, (there is nothing worse than to have to 'run a gauntlet' of women in order to get to the woman you are interested in sitting at the far corner of the table.) Or you can simply wonder why he doesn't approach you and wish that he would.

Oh, there are so many things you ladies control, you just don't understand your power. We (men) are at your mercy. We want to be liked, and we want to be appreciated. While we might have a 'perfect' woman in mind, most of us are willing to look at women for who they are.

A sexy and enticing woman for me is someone who walks with her head held high. Who will look me in the eye and not immediately look away. Who will turn towards me... who will smile... who will look up at me, watching my eyes when I speak with her, instead of looking down or off and away. She doesn't have to be a 'goddess' physically to be a knockout in other ways. Sure, the very first thing you notice is their looks, but believe me, that is not what most men REALLY want in the end. We want someone who makes us feel good inside.

Ladies, you can ask us men on this board anything. I and 'we' will answer. The more we let you know how we work and think, the better we will be able to work and think with you. I am just an ordinary guy, with a little more gumption than most and probably a lot more confidence. Every man on here has a way of thinking about this though, and every man on here represents thousands of others in their opinions. We are not that different and yet we are all unique in our perceptions. I would just encourage you all to open your eyes, glance around and don't be afraid of men. You control the interaction. We take our ques from you. Some of us might push, but we still take the information that you give us to form our next move and thought. Show us you're interested and we will show you if we are as well.

<small>[ July 13, 2003, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Ok didn't even get the opportunity to try ou any of the great stuff Formerly gave us, this weekend.

Where are all the guys my age at? My GF and I have tried the care races, communtiy events, church, support group, the bar. We are not meeting any guys, we are not dogs by any means. We are still on the heavier side, but dress well and make a nice appearence. We have no friends that have tried setting us up. I work at a school, am not meeting the public on a daily basis, she owns her own hair salon in her home, so she is not out with the public either.

Any suggestions? Something that worked for you!!! Neither of us are looking for anything serious, just want to meet some guys that are fun and interesting to be with. We did look at the personals in our area and they are already for a commitment!!! UGH!!! I am not!!!!

Help!!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,
You sound good! Long time no see.

Have you been going to the music festivals, Bluegrass, Heritage, this weekend Spearfish, Days of 76 soon, next mo polka tent at the fair? Hesitate to recommend anything about the Rally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but there will be a lot going on.

My church has a singles group outing on the 19th. I work today, or 10-2 tomorrow if you want to call me for more info.

Hi Lor!!!!

We've hit some of those things and plan on doing spearfish and the christian music this weekend. We leave on the 24th to hike the Big Horns with our church. Had started a divorce support group at church and am trying to start a singles small group bible study at this time. So we are out there, it's not that we are desperate, it's just kind of discouraging on our road thru recovery!!! If that makes any sense.

I've never had my self worth tied in with someone else and don't ever plan to, I guess it would just be nice to know that I stilll got it!!!! I've probably lost another 20 lbs since I last seen you. Am to a size 18 almost 16 if I didn't have hips!!LOL! So not that much further to go!!!

It is nice to have a firend to go thru this stage with, her divorce was final about the same time and we meet thru church I had her son in my class on Wed nights. We are expanding our circle of single friends, all female at this time!!!

Oh Well!!! I will try and stop by tomorrow if I get a chance am suppose to be putting a pond in my yard this week!!!

Take Care, BTW how are things going? how has your family's summer been?

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />