* Nickname for ClaireL's divorce mission

Please review and comment/advise.
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Phase 1
Task: To divide matrimonial property.

List separate property/matrimonial property - add to X file.
Consult Lawyer with X-file. Establish what my legal entitlements are.
Set up a friendly coffee meeting with WH to negotiate division of property/assets. Will get one of my uncles to accompany me. (Dad is 8 hrs drive away)
Pursue unresolved issues via legal channels if nec.

Endpoint: Both parties have received their rightful entitlement of matrimonial property

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Phase 2:
Task: Go Overseas

Run concurrently with Phase 1, but do not complete until Phase 1 is completed.
Quit job
Book airline tickets
Store/sell possessions
Relinquish tenancy of house

Endpoint: When I am on the plane to South America!

_____________________________
Phase 3:
Task: Re-establish separate identity

To be run con-currently with Phase 1& 2
Maintain current interests/hobbies
Cultivate new interests/hobbies
Final goodbyes to inlaws
Divorce paperwork (Feb 2005)
Church liturgy

Endpoint: When I view myself as Claire again, rather than MrL's wife whom he cheated on.
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It is sad to now be posting here on divorcing/divorced, but I have had as much as I can take.

I am a first-timer at this adultery/divorce thing, please add your comments on this plan.

Man! You really are putting some distance between STBXH and STB In-Laws, aren't you? South America? Going to Rio De Janiero?
I think it's probably best though - after my Divorce, although I didn't leave the country, I did leave her up in Alaska with everything we owned...
Texas is 3,800 miles away - I feel fairly safe down here...
Harold

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Divorce paperwork (Feb 2005)
Church liturgy</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't understand the Feb 2005 why would you wait that long??

you do have it all planned out..is that where you are from? Another country?

I wish you well..hope this works out for you the way you have it planned..take care and God bless you..

What is the church liturgy about?? I don't understand that either??

The house if it is owned by both of you. someone will have to sign off of it so it can be sold then both will have to sign off..
other wise if a rental or lease then it's easier.

also the vehicles need to be transfered or sold or divided with who makes the payments on what...

lots of things to consider here...
take care..

In my country, you can't get a divorce until you have lived apart for 2 years!!!!!! Backward or what.

We don't own a house ..... WH wanted to spend his money on PlayStation and computer software and cars.

In our case we were married in the church. Being married was not simply about a legal position. It seems right to consider a religious ceremony as part of dissolving the marriage.

Has anyone else considered a religious ceremony as a final goodbye to their marriage?

Clair what country do you live in.... I am in Australia .. and I think we need to be seperated for a certain amount of time here as well..

I live in New Zealand. We have "no fault" divorce laws, and a 2 year wait in separation purgatory.

<small>[ July 13, 2003, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: ClaireL ]</small>

Does a funeral service count??

mine died
separated 4/01
dies 9/22/02

but we did a legal separation with no remarriage clause.
that was to protect my medical and pension.

as far as the state goes it is a divorce
as far as the goverment goes it is legal separation..now isn't that special..

I don't get it..lol..either..hrmmmm..but now he is dead..so I am a WIDOW...and free..

but I don't want anyone else..I loved him very much..but evidently he said he lived a lie...

what did that mean???
hrmmmm....

wow those are strict laws you got there.
but maybe they are good ones because at least the wayward spouse might wake up and come home..

well good luck with all that stuff it would really make you think..hey can you go to a different country to divorce? like mexico?

what does the divorce church thing involve?
is it alot of people? or just the two of you?
I would not want to even see him..

when we did the mediation for us instead of court I didn't even see him..I hadn't seen him for 3 years if he made a court appearance I didn't.
I was afraid of him...if I had to be in court he wasn't there..
I thank God we did not do a 2 day trial..spared that one..

hope things go well for you..take care..Keep on Keeping on...

Claire,

I LOVE the name you've given your divorce process - hope you don't mind if I steal it!! I am in a very similar boat to you. STBX left our DS and I to go across the pond to his country of origin to "visit" his family - has now been there a month, is living w/ OW and does not plan on coming back to the US until first week in August. I filed for D on our 3rd Anniversary. Don't want the D, but STBXH has left me no alternatives. We were married in the Catholic Church and if I ever want to remarry, I will have to file for an Annulment, first. That takes anywhere from 18 months to 2 years.

Regards,

Brits Brat - BS/42
STXBH - 43
DS - 21 months
Status: Filed for Divorce on 3rd Wedding Anniversary

<small>[ July 15, 2003, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Brit's Brat ]</small>

Sad Eyes:
I guess that a funeral service does count??? Sorry to hear that you had to go through that on top of the separation situation. What is a "legal separation with no remarriage clause"? I'm sure we don't have that in NZ.

The liturgy is not a ceremony or service in its own right. Could be done during a weekly service, I gather, or in private. WH doesn't have to be there. Since he's an unbeliever these days, he won't be there. It's a two phase process, basically prayers that ask God to release you from your marriage vows and give you the grace to move on. I've never seen marriage as simply being a legal agreement, it is an agreement between God and two people first and foremost. This is an important part of the divorce process for me.

Brit's Brat:
Of course you can share the codename! In my case, it's quite fitting. I am part Chinese, and OW is full Chinese. In old Chinese culture that makes me "No1 Wife" and OW the Concubine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I would love to be able to boss her around as No1 Wife!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (BTW, WH is "pakeha" the NZ term for a person of European origin). I didn't get married to WH because of race, although I suspect that race may have been a factor for him in marrying me ... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Moments of clarity Hmmmm.

We were married in the Anglican Church (I think it's known as Episcopal in USA?) by one of WH's uncles who is a vicar. He has another uncle who is a vicar, and a 3rd who is a bishop.

Would love to hear how you are getting on as you go through this important process. Have got your address and will be in touch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Need to meet with WH to discuss splitting of relationship property. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> When he left with the things he wanted, WH neglected to take into account the Relationship Property Law. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am removing his name from the lease on our flat. Posted him a form yesterday with a Post-It flag saying "sign here". No negotiation required on that.

I am not looking forward to meeting with him concerning my claim against what he regards as his property. I guess I have the law to back me up, .....

We have been dug into defensive positions now for 8 weeks, having gone into Plan B back in May. There have been a few occasions when he has fired tracers at me (via text message) which served no other purpose other than to tell me what he was up to (remember - tracers work both ways!)