I haven’t been on the boards at all for a while now, about six or so months. It is part of me learning to move on. However I am down due to a situation that I just encountered here recently. The situation with my ex-wife and me is all in the past. I have moved on because she is no longer the same person I once knew. I have been on my own now for over a year. All of this started over two years ago. I am at that point that I want to start seeing other people. I have as best as I can healed and am ready to move on in life. The part I noticed I struggle with is the way I am towards people because of what my ex did to me. I was kind of seeing someone who is younger than me. We were getting along great and all but I am the type of person it is all or nothing. I give it my all I can and I don’t hold back. I am not a player or cheater or a liar like my ex was. However I have noticed that I treat this new person I was seeing a bit different. How do you learn and tell yourself this person is different and this isn’t my ex. It is hard thinking that you wouldn’t be lied to or played with in a bad way. I guess you can say I am here because I want to be happy again in life. I am creating my own happiness with doing things, however I would like to find someone that is as into me as I am in to them. I don’t think it is going to work out between the person I was seeing and myself because I want a relationship and she just wants to have fun so to speak. At first she wanted something serious but now she doesn’t. I think it is that way because she is younger than me and she wants to date around.
Well back to the point, do you ever sit there and ask yourself if and when you might find someone again? Do you feel sometimes you are pushing things instead of sitting back and letting it come to you? I think one piece of the puzzle that is missing for my happiness is having someone there for me and to be in a relationship again. However it seems that no matter what path I turn things just don’t work out in the end. It is very frustrating and I know people will say it is part of life. But I ask when is life going to get better? One would think after going through a divorce that the cards might fall our way for once. I just hope one day I find that one….

My storyline condensed........My wife divorced me.... I started going out immediatly trying to replace her. Met a ton of wierd, crazy, drama having woman. Decided to just chill out and not push dating any more. Next thing ya know, this woman whom became a friend....just friend....no phone calls, dating or anything came into the picture. She was actually a divorced friend of a friend.........I would see her all the time at Chuck E Cheese with her son and at various places. Well, she actually came to me......not literally, but she approached me and asked if I was dating or anything like that. To make a long story short......started dating this woman over a year ago and just got married to her 3wks ago. Best thing that has happened in my life since the birth of my children. I couldnt be happier......moral of this story is???.....dont press....let relationships come to you. Whenever I pressed I would meet the no-no's. Once I just chilled and waited.....the woman of my dreams came into my life. Trust me.....It will happen.

<small>[ July 14, 2003, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

I just went through a similar situation after my marriage ended. I met a great guy on the internet on Beliefnet.com last year....we both had survived the same pain with spouses that cheated and left us for other people even though we tried everything to save the marriages. Like what you experienced with issues from your past interfering with the present relationship, we both carried baggage into our new relationship and unfortunately we didn't make it and actually JUST broke it off. The real heartbreak was that he moved 3000 miles to live with me, sold his company and only stayed a couple of months. He couldn't let go of wishing his life was like his old one and I held onto my constant fear that I was not loveable. This man treated me great, but I would still be looking for when the shoe dropped and one day he would walk out on me.....just like my x did.....and sure enough my issues with trust most likely caused him to leave. He claimed it was his need to see his 2 children, but when he went back he never bothered to call me and cancelled his e-mail account. It has been 2 weeks and I have looked at how I can improve on the mistakes I made in the realtionship so I don't repeat them again with someone else and that is about all the advice I can give you towards your post. Learn from the past and don't let it control your future to the point there is none....I wish you the best. I feel your pain and loneliness, but better days are coming and you will soon work it all out!

Wow chuckie cheese is a popular place for meeting]people and getting together..rofl I know 4 other couples that go there..so kids have something to do and they can visit..lol..hrmmm..it really is for familys

why not go to church and join a recovery group
most churches also have get togethers at parks etc for singles and day trips and plan things so people can socialize..it is non threatning because most people are in it to meet others and have a good time..they go to fairs etc..

take care...oh plus some communities have camera clubs and walking clubs..look in the local paper stay away from the bar scene...really you don't need to pick up with a bar fly or what ever men are called..who hang out in bars those are meat markets..

Keep on keeping on... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadEyes:
<strong>Wow chuckie cheese is a popular place for meeting]people and getting together..rofl I know 4 other couples that go there..so kids have something to do and they can visit..lol..hrmmm..it really is for familys

why not go to church and join a recovery group
most churches also have get togethers at parks etc for singles and day trips and plan things so people can socialize..it is non threatning because most people are in it to meet others and have a good time..they go to fairs etc..

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My current wife really went after me, after I met a woman at Chuck E Cheese when she was there. There was a group of us and I walked off and met this woman I thought was attractive, I even went over to my NOW wife and asked her for a pen. I didnt do that to be mean or anything, I had no idea she was interested......even though I thought she was sweet and attractive. Anyhow, dont limit yourself to meeting someone from church also......even though there are alot of good spouses to be found there, you would not believe how many affairs I have seen take place within the church. My EX who was a devout christian started dating a married guy in the choir before we even signed our divorce papers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My heart goes out to you my friend. I know where you are coming from and I know your pain.
I am scared to death of a relationship and I let no one in. It is just a natural defense that your mind puts up. We will both soften up and start tearing that wall down soon enough.
I am just now getting comfortable around women again. I am starting new friendships and I am starting to flirt again. I to long for a relationship, a woman who will love me and me love her in return.

I have to tell you what a dear friend told me that has been through this also: "Steve when you get to where you don't need a relationship, than is when it will find you! You will never see it coming and it will hit you like a ton of bricks."

I have hope that he is right about that. Hope is something that I have never given up on. Hope is what makes me go through this day and look forward to tomorrow.

<small>[ July 16, 2003, 09:00 AM: Message edited by: Roughneck ]</small>