Recently divorced and tried dating. Fell hard for the first person I met and still pretty stuck even though it is over and it ended badly. It felt right, but it felt wrong and I believe that too much life got in the way and too much of the past baggage from my failed marriage. I have lost all confidence in my judgement of people and not sure how to trust anyone again. Can someone trust after divorce?

livnlife - this is a good question? I am wondering how one trusts someone again. Or like you stated, how do you trust yourself in any relationship. Those of us who were deceived, and betrayed, and physically and emotionally abused by our spouses have a hard time overcoming this. I for one was physically abused as well as emotionally. And still am being emotionally abused. I am divorced for 1 month.

Have you thought of counseling? I think the first thing is you have to work on yourself, and figure out what makes you happy. Find out what makes you feel secure. Find out what makes you want to live. If you are only dating to fill in that gap of loneliness, it is not going to work.

I am starting counseling tomorrow again, to find myself, and work on myself only. Life is very difficult wtih my x-husband making 80K a year and I am getting a pentence of 12K a year for alimony. Not much money to live on, poverty level. I am not able to work yet, and this is hard. But that is his life of deceit and lies.

Have you looked into yourself and do you find yourself happy and able to continue on with life without thinking of your x-husband. That is when you will beable to see the future and work on the future. Yes, we have been beaten, and laid to die. But with the endurance of life, and God in your hands, we can make it. We can make a better life and have a good life with God.

Have you joined a church, and found christian friends and a 2nd family? I have found a great church, and I have started making friends there. We are going to have a really great class starting this fall at church. I am signed up for the class.

Yes, I miss the interaction my x-husband and I used to have. I miss the talking, and holding. But he is not the man I married, this man is who he is, and it is not appealing to me. He is not kind, he is selfish, and there is too much to tell here.

Yes, our security of choosing someone else that will be good to us, and we will be good to them, is a part of life. God wants us to be with him first, to live by his words, and walk his path. That probably should be the first goal of your life. To live Gods word. Then the other things will come along. I love my Lord, I love life, but am so unsure of men in general. I don't trust a man, to have contact with a man is not in my life right now. But in the future, I may look forward to that time.

This ? was asked before, and there will be others here tohelp you who have gotten the trust back. Good luck, and work on yourself.

livnlife,

Yes you can trust again, just be prepared to be hurt again as well. But if you don't trust and have faith and take chances, you won't get very far in this life...

I was married and she left... Now divorced. Since then I've dated a handfull of women, with the most recent seeming to have just ended about a month ago (we dated for about 1.5 years). She too was divorced. We were nearing getting engaged, but I think she lost her nerve and she lost the ability to 'trust' me because of a few things I did that reminded her of her X.

So here I am "hurt" again. And hurt pretty bad. But because I lived through my divorce, at least I know that God can throw just about anything at me, and I KNOW I can get through it with His help and guidance...

I believe you have to do your best to treat every new person in your life as just that - "new". They are NOT your X, EVEN if they should do something similar to what he or she used to do. The new person in your life needs to be given a fair chance and that means you don't punish them because of your past. Is it tough? YEP! Whenever I feel upset at the other person, I try to think about why I'm upset... Is it because of something my X did? If so, then I give the other person the benefit of the doubt and I sit and explain to them why what they did, upset me... That actually helped "me" a lot...

This past relationship, did it feel wrong because this person was being judged by how your X used to be? Is that/was that fair to him? If it felt right, I think you owe it to yourself to at least talk to this person and explain what you were/are going through... Then see if the relationship was supposed to end.

Mike

Hi Faith & Mike~
Thanks for your input and advice! I have done the counseling route and it did have it's time and place and may have it's place again, but for now I am pretty much over my past 20 year marriage and I believe I am on solid ground in most areas of my life. I guess Mike's suggestion to analyze what happened in my last relationship and see if parts of my issues within my old marriage may have affected the outcome of this one is a wise move. As I reflect on the time I was with this new man I believe that my insecurities, caused from being abused by my x-husband, made me lash out when I should have been more understanding. I loved this guy for 10 months. We had BOTH been through cheating spouses and divorce and he had made a sacrifice to move 3000 miles to come live with me. Yet, I constantly questioned his love for me......how insecure is that?! He has returned back home and now we are just friends, but my heart wishes it was different and my head says that I need this time to make myself a better person so that if ever I am given another chance like this, I don't mess it up again. Trust is a tough one when you have been lied to and abused and you need to be a detective to find out information that should have been forth coming out of love and not have to hear about it from another source. That fear made me do some things I am not too proud of and will forever regret, but mistakes were made so that the future gets better and I plan on making mine better. Thanks for replying to my post!