Hi all

I have posted here before under various names...all during the time that h and I were "attempting" to repair the damage done to our marriage due to his last A, and each time he would "discover" me and get upset and feel betrayed. Funny isn't it? HE felt betrayed that I posted anonomously here. This time, I no longer care. This board has been a tremendous help to me over the years of dealing with his infidelities...the last one having actually turned physical shortly upon his moving out.

The thing is to this day he denies his affairs were anyting but MABYE innapropriate..hmmmph! I have finally seen the light. He lives in a state of denial. And lies and deception come very very easy. After he moved out, I wanted him back so bad. We even attempted to get back together. he would come over to see the kids and we would do "family" things, but yet all along he was continuing to work with the OW and tell me he had ended things, but I had no way of knowing if he really had. I wanted him to bring me to his work and he said i might "cause problems for him." Then I asked if he told OW we were getting back together and he said "she might cause problems." He said, "trust me." That's a joke! Three EA's in 6 years of marriage tell me this man cannot be trusted. He probably could if he convinced me he wanted to be trusted.

Anyway, we were on our way to being very good friends because of the children when I told him I just could not continue to go on playing "family" while we lived in separate homes. He, of course, feels like I have done him a terrible terrible thing now and basically is back to treating me no better than a piece of dirt. He hangs up if I call and try and talk to him about things, ignores emails, and won't give me the time of day.

Anyway, I am finally getting over this man. I feel fairly confident I did all that I could. I tried not love-busting, I tried the questionaires...emotional needs, etc...he would never complete them...I tried counseling, he would develop excuses for not showing up to appointments...and the entire time this was going on he would tell me how much he loved me! And even worse..i actually wanted to believe he really does. Also, he was always looking for proof that I loved him.

My heart still aches for what could have been...for my children having to grow up in a divorced home and my failure to make it work with this man....but i at least have some peace in my life.

Just wanted to get this out...thanks for reading

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Cha - this is painful, and I feel your heart ache. Seems you have done everything posssible to mend this marriage. Just continue on with cousneling, and counseling for yourself and the kids. Maybe one day this man will see the loving kind person you are, and see what he left behind. Don't know. But you stated that you are moving on, which is good. He will see a confident woman, who is able to care for herself.

I am proud of you, even though I don't know who you are. But your post is strong, and encouraging for many of us in the same situation. I believe in you, and you believe in yourself. That is the start and you have gone well beyond the start.

God loves you, and take care.

I recently ended a 20 year marriage in which my x left 28 times in the last 2 years of it. We did the counseling, I lived on this sight, and even re-newed our vows, but the long and the short of it.....he was already emotionally divorced from me and all my efforts proved that sometimes you just can't change people when they choose not to change. He cheated again and is now living with a friend of mine and I have moved on! The reason I say this is that I tried EVERYTHING to keep my marriage for my 2 kids. I was like you, I didn't want them to be from a broken home. But, it has been over a year and they are doing REALLY great. They were fortunate to see me fall in love with a man who had also suffered a divorce and a cheating spouse and my son told me that for the first time in his life he saw his mother happy and that meant so much more than me staying in a dysfunctional marriage. Unfortunately, after 10 months the relationship ended and they miss this guy terribly, but we all are thankful to FINALLY know what it feels like to have true love in our life and it is so much better than constantly living with a man who has no respect for you and breaks his wedding vows over and over again.
There is such a better life out there and NO ONE deserves to live with less than being loved completely.....including your kids! Hang in there and KNOW that change doesn't always mean that it is bad.....kids adapt when they see you adapting! Good luck!