Hi, folks. I have a problem with my h of 20 years. He has a rather unusual sexual proclivity. I truly believe that anything we do together that is mutually enjoyable is fine. The trouble is - I am not in the least interested in what he wants. This has been on-going for some time, but now with the internet he has available to him other people who share his tastes. He says I should trust him and he will do nothing that compromises our marriage. I feel that just by signing up for these chat rooms he is violating our marriage. Please help. This is probably the most serious problem we have faced in 20 years and I don't know what to do.

what are the taste differences?? Are they just really out there?? I would seek counseling or try for that compromise. Getting a need fullfilled anywhere else but within the MARRIAGE will put your marriage at risk!!<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

Dear Child Bride,<P>Sexuality is a very complicated issue. Most people consider the sex act as an intimate expression of their devotion to one another. When we marry, we expect our spouses to be exclusive to us sexually. So, I understand why you dfeel the marriage is violated by his signing up for a chat room. However, what if he liked photography and you didn't and he joined a photo club? YOu probably wouldn't feel violated. My advise is to try to discuss this openly with him. Try to expand your "tolerance" of his activities. After 20 years, if he promised that he wouldn't do anything more than just chat and perhaps look at photos, you should be able to know if you can trust him on it.

Dear Childbride,<P>This is a very touchy issue for me. My H was surfing porn for over 2 years and that eventually lead him to a cybersex affair with his sister's best friend. I would not recommend that your H go to online sex chats. No matter how much you trust him and he trusts himself he may be setting himself up to fail. My H never thought that he would go as far as he did. It was never in his mind to betray me the way he did. <BR>Is sex your H's #1 EN? If so think about how it will be for another woman to be meeting that need. People often send nude pics of themselves back and forth in these chatrooms. Suppose he finds someone that is exactly what he wants sexually and they are also a good listener. Then he receives pics from her and she is also attractive. Do you see where this could lead? <P>IMO, both of you should go to counselling. Is your H wanting you to do things that go against you morals and values? Maybe things that you feel are degrading? Sex should be something that is enjoyed and cherished in a loving relationship. Not something to make you feel uncomfortable and certainly not to be obtained outside of the marriage bed. <P>I have told my H about your post and he says that he will post to you later when he gets home. His opinion is the same as mine. But I thought that it would mean more coming from someone that has been there.<P>Take care,<P>NM<BR>

Hi,<P>I read your post and I'm replying to it from the "other" side. I was the one that was looking at the pics and had a cyber affair. My wife is NewMe2001. <P>This is a very touchy subject. You see I thought as long as I didn't touch or get involved it would be okay.. but I didn't tell NM about it. I hid mine.<P>Sex should be within the bounds of marriage with both parties agreeing. I wasn't happy with my sex life either but as it turns out, I wasn't satisfying NM EN either. Wonder if the two go hand in hand...hmm. <P>My two cents are... have him stay away from it. It is an empty, shallow thing with nothing but liars. If you play with snakes enough you will get bitten and this is nothing but a snakes den. Talk to him.. read the EN and things on this website. Then look deep within yourselves. Usually there is something amiss if people are doing this. <P>Phantom