I thought I would get the best advice from those who have run or are running the "guantlet".

My marriage is seriously on the rocks... W has had 3 EA's for sure, she's told me about every one of them from the moment they started (Our history is too long to easily paraphrase). About 2 years ago she asked for more feedom in meeting people, from there things have progressively spiraled out of control. That's academic at this point.

My quandry is this, she says she wants out, "marriage is too much work, I want too much from her", but she also says "she sees me as her future". As long as I treat her like a roomy, things are civil, when I broach the subject about us, she treats me like her most recent EA treats her, Cold and nasty. (We still sleep in the same room except when her "gay" freind stays the night.) She has told me she wants me to do things for myself (I guess setting up for a future without her, ect.), when I do these things she takes on the attitude that I am not trying hard enough to keep our relationship working, however I have been the one working the hardest to save it (I need a woman's point of view on that one). If there is not going to be a future for us... how do I present this to her without the extremes she works herself up to?

I am ready to move on with my life, with or without her (begining to lean towards 'without'). If without her, I want it to be as pleasant as possible. Should it come to full separation, and I move into the spare bedroom (or she does), any ideas on how to keep things... civil?

(Before it is brought up, financially I cannot move out yet, we would have to be true roommates for a couple or three months first.)

Thanks for 'listening'.

S.W.

Ummm... I'm going to say this as quickly and politely because I know this is on EVERYONE'S mind who reads your post SW.

A relationship is like a business partnership. YOU have chosen someone to go into business with you to open a flower delivery service... but SHE has opened a gas station... except she's not sure she wants to run a gas station ALL the time, so she put a Subway restaurant in it, but not everyone like sub sandwiches, so there's also a Taco Bell, a Burger King, oh... and sometimes people get tired so they'll need a place to sleep - so there's motel/shower lodging available...

And you're trying to set up a flower delivery service in the middle of all this chaos. It's nice to have you around because, since your flower biz is tanking, you can help with all the other stuff.

Nothing clarifies like ACTION. Leave her. Do what it takes to move out. Actually, move out and don't move back in and don't let her move in with you. YOU need to learn about BOUNDARIES and set them for yourself. Either that or embrace the chaos... you should find a nice lesbian friend to have over every once in a while. LOL - I'm kidding.

I ran the gauntlet, only it wasn't 3 EAs, it was one PA. It was the worst year of my life and I am glad the whole thing is over.

LEAVE HER NOW!!! She will do this to you over and over again.