The kids might not like her? Because she had an affair with their father and played a part in breaking up your marriage? DUH!!! He should've thought of that before the affair. I'm with you - there shouldn't be any more lying. If you don't want people to lose respect for you, don't do anything that will cause that to happen. And if you do make poor choices, be prepared for the consequences. A natural consequence is people not liking/having respect for OWs/OMs. It is typical of your WH to blame you for not seeing his kids, instead of realizing that he was choosing OW over them, and again, there are consequences for choices like that. And it has nothing to do with you!
I chose not to tell my very young children that their dad had an affair with my old best friend. They were so young that it didn't seem appropriate. My daughters know that I used to be friends with J but now I am not, and that she left her husband and children. They haven't put two and two together, even though they all spent the night together two nights after we separated.(!!!) They know Dad chose to leave, and that I didn't want a divorce. They asked enough questions to get those answers from me. Someday they may ask more things, and I will be honest and age appropriate.
Good luck. It is so hard to know what the right thing to do is in situations like these. I would suggest praying about it if you are religious, and to try to be honest and to avoid saying negative things. I struggled with that, as there IS such a thing as right and wrong, and I need to teach my children the difference. But I probably don't need to use their father as an example of wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm sorry you are going through this.
Krista
