Well, I've been working on me - my appearance, my spirit/faith, my life/schedule, taking care of my children, spending time with friends, and I'm feeling pretty good on most days now.

I'm working on forgivenss towards my WH and OW. I say a prayer before every encounter that I have with him, to treat him with love, respect and kindness. If I have an angry encounter with him (which is rare now), I apologize - the anger is usually on my part, not his. All of this is working for me. I feel much more at peace. I'm not tied up in knots, and I feel confortable and confident that I must file for divorce in August.

There is one hurdle that I still haven't been able to clear. That is, OW. It still makes me really crazy that my WH still has a relationship with her (I really have no idea the extent or anything going on with them now, but I know that they still have a relationship) and that she is still out there giving him company and companionship. I have a feeling she'll be in the picture for a long time - they both left spouses,friends and family to be together. Who else do they have to hang out with?

How do I put my mind at peace about her existance?
How do I leave her behind in my mind?

Does anyone know?

some things just take TIME.

I think everything you are doing is wonderful and I admire you for it. But some things just take time.

Also admire you for taking the high road with OW. However, I too have forgiven OWomen. However, it doesn't mean I will forget what they did or like them or have to have contact with them.

I am under no circumstance gonna enable my xh and do the thing he wishes...be a good buddy and all friendly with them.

He broke up our family to be with her. And he wants to pretend our d didn't happen that it's in the 'past" which it is, but the facts will remain facts. Forgiveness is great, but you have to decide that it's not good to be a martyr.

Stay strong and in control around him. You can treat him kind and nice but remember that enabling him is like giving cocaine to an addict. I quit enabling. I am the only person he knows who isn't enabling him and since there's NC and only contact via attorneys and email, I still make it plainly clear that I will not enable. He calls me "broken record" and whatnot.

So keep being kind butremember you don't have to be perfect or a doormat all loving and accepting all the bull they toss our way. That's what they WANT us to do btw.

No, I don't think WH wants me hanging out with him and OW or anything like that and acting like we're all hunky dory. But my process towards forgiveness and acceptance has started to give ME a good measure of peace.

I'm not going to be inviting WH or OW to Christmas or anything like that and I'm not happy about the way things have turned out. But my WH did what he did for reasons that I can't understand - but he was compelled to do them. Did he hurt me? Yes. Did he hurt my children and family? Yes. Has he hurt himself? Yes. I can't change that. He did what he did because something inside him led him to make decisions that weren't in my best interests. He must have felt they were in his best interests. I can't stop that.

I'm not going to be his wife any more but I will try to honor the fact that he is a human and deserves respectful and kind treatment. How can that be bad? I'm having a really hard time extending those same feelings towards OW though and these feelings towards my WH are challenged when I know that OW is in the picture.

I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for me.