We've been separated now for nearly a year.<BR>He filed for divorce at Christmas.<BR>No recognition of me for birthday, Christmas, or even Mother's day.<P>He's still with the OW. She's even done some of his paperwork for the divorce.<P>He's been making unreasonable requests that would impact our daughter negatively. When I'd ask him to change, he'd get belligerant. I had to fall back to our Temporary Orders, which flat out said that what he was doing was wrong and that I was right. (Which didn't improve his attitude any.)<P>He's been blaming me for everything.<BR>I've gone out and gotten help for my depression, medication and counselling, and have recently gotten a new job that will start in another month.<P>He refused to see D or call her after he left.<BR>He refused to get help --- would not commit to working on marriage in counselling, then refused counselling. Has probably quit seeing his therapist. Would not go to Retrouville, Marriage Encounters, PAIRS, or any other marriage seminars.<P>Accuses me of keeping him from our D.<BR>Accuses me of turning our D against him.<P>I've realized that we were in a codependent relationship --- I could no longer express my true self to him, he would deny my thoughts and feelings. Years of being subjected to this caused me to fold into myself....caused my depression.<P>And yet he blames me for everything.<P>I have a lot of resentment and bitterness building up. Sometimes I can let it go. But this week it's building up because at the end of this week I have to turn my D over to this man, this person who I am now viewing as emotionally abusive. Who I already know has told my D (age 3) to lie and not tell me when he takes her around the OW. Who has violated the trust and honesty of the relationship that I had built of with my D through his actions.<P>I am so worried about what he may do this time to mess up our D's psyche. He didn't support potty-trainning until I got onto him about it. I was the one who had to tell him that she thought her room at his place was "icky". I had to forward him articles about what he was supposed to be doing to make our D's stay with him more comfortable. And he still hasn't bought her any toys, nor will he come to the house to pick up any to keep over there. Not only will he be keeping her for one month, he's also tried to change her daycare for one month. I had to pull out the temporary orders to stop that one, but he still may try to do it anyway.<P>The OW has tried to get me fired by telling lies about me to my supervisors (no I don't work with her). And she basically succeeded in preventing me from transferring to a higher paying job within the company. I had to look outside for a new job.<P>And I also know that he's living with his parents, but he has been lying to them too.<P><BR>I don't know what to do anymore.<P>Part of me wants to get this divorce done and over with.<BR>Part of me wants to be rid of him forever --- most likely impossible since we have a daughter together.<BR>And part of me still wants him back. Wants to see him became the man that I know he can be. The man that I'd catch glimpses of every now and then.<P>He looks horrible of late. Like he's not eating properly.<P>I got a phone call from his credit card company.....got the impression that he hasn't been paying his bill.<P>Got a letter from the courts because he didn't show up or pay off a traffic fine --- he had one more chance to show or else a warrant was going out for his arrest.<P>It sounds like he doesn't have his stuff together....at all.<P>And he hardly talks to me. And when he does, it's generally very rudely.<P>I'm at a point of saying to L with him, let me get on with my life.<P>But I know that there are some MBers out there who have gone through divorce and gotten back together. I know that there are one's who have gone to the brink and managed to pull it back.<P>Considering how he has treated me and our daughter. Considering that he shows zero inclination to even consider working on the marriage. Why should I continue to try to salvage it? Should I even try?<P>~Amy
