i wanted to know if someone can help decide if i am overreacting me and my husband was trying to buy our first home together,but my name is not on there because reestablishing credit which will be ok by 2004. my concern is my husband is not concerned about how to get my name on the house but he is concerned about how much money he needs from me for closing cost thats not until dec 14 2004. When i brought up putting my name on the house he went ballistic and said he don't need my money for the closing and to do what i want to with my money

Red Flag signs are going up. Don't buy a house without your name on it. If you don't want your name on it then okay. Not much info, you have given us, so that is all that I have to give.

If you are married and living in a community property state, I dont believe it matters if your name is on, its still half yours. But I thought that that legally they had to have both names of a married couples on unless you sign a quit claim dead. My H bought land in his own name when we were seperated and it was still mine, but the lawyer told him he shouldnt have been able to get it in his name only.

But his anger seems red flag on its own. Why is he so angry about it? Had you deceded to buy the house together? Can you talk to him and see what the real issue is? I have to tell you that it seems sometimes after buying your dream house that the marrige falls apart... I dont know why... maybe one person thought the house would improve the marriage or their unhappiness and when it doesnt they want to end the marriage.

Good Morning Jed,

Well true there is way to little information here to really tell what applies in your situation.

Normally it is best if a married couple buys their house as tennents by entirety. Both names are on the deed, but in theory, both own one hundred percent of the property. The reason for this is to protect the home against all claimants, such as a catastrophic auto accident where one or the other is at fault. Those suing one can't take the house from the other. It affords the couple important legal protection.

For some reason, you seem to think your credit is not good enough to buy a house. That sounds all wrong. If between you and your husband, you have a twenty percent down payment, you credit history isn't quite so important. The Mortgage company just wants to protect its investment, and the twenty percent down payment does that. Having a substantial down payment makes a lot of past credit sins very forgivable.

What Lara is referring to is something called a dower interest. The spouse has a legal interest in any property acquired during the course of the marriage. That doesn't mean every pair of dirty socks is jointly owned, but it does apply to significant property like furniture, houses and cars.

I recommend that you do not contribute any money you owned prior to the marriage toward any significant property that does not have your name on it. That money is still yours alone. Your husband probably has a joint ownership of any interest that money earned since your marriage, but not to the principal you owned before marriage.

The fact that this issue engendered an angry response isn't merely a red flag, that is Maggie's drawers flying at full staff. Do not, repeat, DO NOT get involved in any real estate transaction where either of you is experiencing anger. You can't take real estate back for a refund.

I would like to thank u all for ur reponse but i spoke to my husband about it early this morning about my name being on the house he admits that the time of closing my name will be on the house but there are other issues with him he seems to want to take control of everything and don't want to speak about issues because he hate discussing things in the marriage he wants to walk around like nothings wrong and when i decide to mention a problem like i did with the house he gets angry and don't want to talk things out and i don't think its fair because it is tearing me up emotional and i think i am to a point where buying a house is not going to make me happy with him anymore. I don't think he wants to have a wife it seems that all he wants is a roommate that help pay stuff around the house i mentioned about kids in the future he always says if we have enough money we can have kids but i don't think so i am 31 yrs old and want a baby by the age of 33 not after and he doesn't even want to talk about that he just shuts down or give me the cold shoulder and just act like he's so angry so i want talk to him so our issues is bigger than just buying a house we only been married for 1 year. He is 38yrs old. I don't know how to get him to communicate and i am about to just leave and talk to a lawyer about divorce because his ways are really making me weak

Hi Jed,

I don't blame you. He isn't including you in one of the biggest decisions in your life. I see "red flags" also.


Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hey Jed,

This site exists to try to save marriages, divorce is a last resort. Have you checked out and read the basics that Dr. Harleys has posted on the site? It really sounds like you two need to do some serious work on your marriage before you start investing in a house.

That you husband is 38 years old and still relying on his temper and anger to get his own way is a matter of real concern. It is also typical of the abusive spouse. You both need to consider professional help.