I've been married to my husband for 4+ years, we have a baby girl, but our marriage has been steadily falling apart, nearly from day one. Things have gotten better but in such a miniscule amount, that it almost doesn't count. I stick around hoping it gets better, but the process is slow and depressing. We went to marriage counseling in the very beginning - and many of the problems had to do with my husband (more on that in a minute) but it was clear there was so much to overcome that the couselor asked (in not so many words) why the heck were we still together. (I think she was wrong on a number of fronts but thats besides the point)...<P>As for my husband - he comes from a family that has kind of a warped way of showing they "care" for each other (if they even do). From them he has learned to be very defensive (his family likes to point fingers of blame for anything) and how to take people for granted. (This among other "learned" behavior). He recognizes that his family is fairly unloving and WANTS to be in a loving relationship - but this transition has been slow and difficult and has put a strain on my capacity to deal with his "angry outbursts" or mean things he can do or say (nothing I'd ever classify as abuse... more like childish). Over the past 4 years I have stifled my frustration of having my partner be sometime rude to me - to point out to him in a calm way why/how he has been rude - and he almost always apologizes - but this doesn't change the fact that he has hurt me.<P>I can go on... and this is already a really long post! but, my main question is with his background of "un-love" how do we get back on track... I'm so sad for the way things have gone... but my love is getting squashed by waiting for things to get better... I want them to get better... He wants them to get better - but his behavior is so ingrained it seems... I don't know what to do...

I would say that you and him need to start a new life together and need some professional help<P>There must be many churches in your area that will be<BR>only to glad and joyful to help<P>It will be a new opening for your life and involving<BR>new and good people in your marriage will definitely<BR>open fresh and new doors for you<P>Consult a local minister today and find a professional<BR>counsellor who is qualified to help you and your husband<P>A new you will be a new him and a new marriage and a new future and life<P>Carol<BR>See <A HREF="http://www.prayertoweronline.org" TARGET=_blank>www.prayertoweronline.org</A> <P>Read <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com</A> throughly<P>It takes time so make some tea and relax<P>