Man, I am beating this younger men thing to death!

The last couple of months there is a man in my church that I have felt such a strong attraction to. It's the strongest attraction I've ever had to any man. It's odd because it's not really sexual. When I see him I just melt. It's this feeling I get that he is the most kindest, compassionate, sweetest man on earth. I have nothing to back this up with other than I saw him last week give a woman a certs when she was coughing and help another woman find her place in the song book, but I keep bringing myself back down to earth because I don't know this man at all.

Anyway, I see him usually sitting with a woman and a kid. The kid seems to like him alot. I told a good friend of mine that maybe I'm kidding myself but I just won't believe he's married yet, I just can't believe there is this big connection, more than I've ever felt with a man and he'd be married; besides he looks at me like he's attracted to me as much as I am to him and I just don't think he'd look at me that way...and oddly, I told her that I just can't see being this attracted to a man that's married; whether I know he is or not. She says, "Then who's the woman and kid?" I told her, "I don't know...maybe a sister or something." I wonder if I coming across a little nuts right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So, okay, this week he finally comes up to me and says, "Hi, I think it's time we meet each other, I'm "J"." I introduce myself. I can tell he is a lot younger than he looks from a distance and I'm a little disappointed.

I am more nervous than I have ever been, and when he says where he lives, I tell him, "oh, my ex's dad lives there." Then embarrassed I say, "I mean the dad's kids live there..." then more embarrassed, I say, "Oh sheesh! I mean the kids father lives there!" I want to crawl in a hole at this point, I am sure he thinks I'm a dingbat, so I try to fix it and add, "Well, it's all still so awkward." He says, "I know, I went through the same thing." So, I say, "Oh? How old are you? You look so young to be." (He probably knew I was trying to get his age and that was a line to get it...) He says, "31". My heart sank! I'm 40.

He has no children, I am through with children, yet he probably wants to have some some day. IF he would have even said 35, I would go for it, but 31! I just can't see dating a guy 9 years younger.

I know so many of you will say I'm losing out if I don't take a chance on this and I should go for it but I can't. I am so disappointed though, but then at the same time, it did give me hope. My instincts were really, really close. He was attracted to me too and I knew he wasn't married. Sooooo dang close and I bet he is very nice!

ANNA

Oh gosh...I forgot one more very important thing...the kid and the lady...she was his sister and the kid was the nephew. I was even right about that one and it was just a guess.

ANNA

Hmmm. I wouldn't mind a somewhat younger guy...I am 34 and would think 29-33 a good age...It would be nice as most don't have baggage at that age and aren't divorced yet.

I have a wonderful girlfriend back home who is 7 years older than her hubby and was divorced with a five year old when she met him. They are very happy.

It's ok. I am thinking that Jethro went a way bit too young though. I couldn't handle 25. Too wild. But hey, 30 is ok. He's outta the party boy/college scene by then and has lived more and seen more of life as we know it.

You never know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Anna,

Don't know if you are interested in this or not, but there is such a thing as age appropriate behavior.

If you are seriously looking for a life mate, the limit seems to be eight years one way or the other, so for a forty year old person that makes the brackets from 32 to 48. That is a pretty good sized field, but it doesn't contain a whole lot of blushing virgins.

Until you find someone that fits the mate criterion, there just isn't anything I know of that says you can't have a dinner and a movie with a person outside those brackets. A person doesn't have to be a potential mate for every date. Not every date is a potential mate, and doesn't have to be. Sometimes you just need to get out on the dance floor and have a little fun, and let it go at that.

Bumper & Peachy,

Thanks!

I think what would be wrong about going out with a guy that I know I don't want to marry is that I could end up falling in love and then getting hurt because he would eventually see the difference; or then falling in love and not being realistic and marrying him.

Right now our age doesn't seem to be too big of a difference...but I just can't imagine when I'm 50, being with a guy that is 41...

I have never, ever been attracted to a guy younger than me; even the 25 year old I wasn't attracted to, just flattered; and yet I am so very attracted to this man and that is concerning me a lot.

ANNA

Anna,

How is it that you keep getting hit on!!!! I am jealous!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now our age doesn't seem to be too big of a difference...but I just can't imagine when I'm 50, being with a guy that is 41...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">UGH!!! Midlife crisis time!!!!!

I am sure that you will be praying about this, listen to what your heart hears, you'll know what is right!!!! God's Blessings!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He says, "31". My heart sank! I'm 40 </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AAAANNNNDDD???? My h is 32 and I am 44 (ick!). Age is nothing but a number and only a problem if you let it be.

So, you're telling me that you feel this guy is fabulous, wonderful, turns you into puddin' with a look and you are gonna walk away because he's not an old fart????

And you know, you really have NO RIGHT to do his thinking for him. Maybe he doesn't want kids at all...maybe if he falls in love with you--that won't matter...why don't you let him speak for himself, sweetie? Obviously, he's interested or he wouldn't have introduced himself.

Ya know, Anna, my little self-sabotaging sweet patootie, our lives rarely turn out the way we think they will. Why don't you follow this and see where it goes? It might be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

And, gee, how flattering that a younger guy thinks you're gorgeous enough to seek out.

I don't mean to be harsh but don't let a chance pass you by..the Lord truly does work in mysterious ways. BTW, some of the happiest marriages I've ever seen were older women/younger men.

Give it a spin, baby! Happy comes in all kinds of packages.

<small>[ July 20, 2003, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</small>

Go for it! I mean, it's not like it would have been 10 or 15 years ago. Like, I was 41 and dated a lady who was 29 - we got along pretty decent. Now if I were 31 and she were 19 that would present a big problem. Let age have nothing to do with it. If it's love, then it's love and don't fight it. Soul-Mates can come in different ages.
JMHO. Harold

Frankly my dear,

I don't mind you telling me your opinion and your not being that hard on me.

My instincts have been right so far about this guy, and there's an attraction I feel, I don't usually have that with younger men, so if, and only IF he can't have children, and if, only IF, he ask me out, then I've decided to go.

Ya know something, again, this is all just a feeling, but just like the feeling that he wasn't married and that was his sister with him, I have a feeling he can't have children. Well, it's not totally just a feeling. There's something minor wrong with the right side of his body. He walks with a limp. He is so incredibly manly to me but he has small handicap, and I can tell it's permanent but don't know what happened yet. Anyway, some how I think it was an illness and perhaps he can't have children. Also, he's 31, just divorced and so it's very possible he and his wife couldn't have children.

Actually, I hope I'm wrong and he can have children even if that would mean we wouldn't be able to date because every man needs to know what it's like to be a blood dad.

Oddly too. I wanted someone very active. Some one that is athletic. My ex was capable of being active but never did the fun things I love to do. I know he can't do some of the things I would enjoy another person doing but I think there are trade offs and if he is kind and lovely, then exercising with me won't matter, and we can come up with other common interest.

Well, I am definitely counting my chickens before they hatch. He may never ask me out...

Dawn,

You are soooo funny!

Well, my heart says yes but my mind says "YOU ARE NUTS!"

I think Just Learning's post on Who Am I Now's thread, made a heck of a lot of sense.

c'ya'll,

ANNA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Right now our age doesn't seem to be too big of a difference...but I just can't imagine when I'm 50, being with a guy that is 41...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since I'm almost 52 and dating a guy who's 44, I take offense! The age difference is even less significant as you get older. And, by the way, the first guy who hit on me after my WS left was only 25. I was definitely not interested though. He was the son of one of my employees who's a few months younger than I am. But I have to say it was flattering after my WS left me for a girl who was 21 at the time (28 years younger than me!).

I understand your concern about getting too serious about someone with whom you don't think you could have a lasting relationship. But isn't that always our worry at the beginning of any relationship? There are no guarantees if you're two years apart or ten years apart.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, I hope I'm wrong and he can have children even if that would mean we wouldn't be able to date because every man needs to know what it's like to be a blood dad.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There ya go again, honey, doin' his thinkin' for him. Not every man needs to be a blood dad. My h has no bio kids and does not feel the need to have them yet he's a good parent to my very obnoxious 14 yr old dd.

Anna, if you turn out to be right about his limp--I'm gonna scream. That would be just too freaky.

And, honey, honey, he might be 'ex-tremely active'---ya never know. And if he's not, but is perfect in every other way, you won't let that stop you, right?

Just stop putting the brakes on before you even get in the car. Ya only go around once, grab that gusto!!!

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</small>

Anna2000 - Who cares about the age difference - age is only a number - now if he were 18 or so that might matter - but he is 31 and divorced.. I say go for it - and he is the one that came up to you - so you start flirting and maybe drop a hint about a date - and go for it - and enjoy !!!!

Don't think just cuz a guy would be 35 or older he wouldn't want kids.....I dated a fantastic 35 yr old man who broke up with me cuz I"m "too old" (41) to have children (not that he asked me). He's chasing twenty somethings now. (Maybe there's hope tho, we're still good friends and he did say he'd marry me if neither of us found someone in 10 years. LOL) I also met a 41 yr old man who's never been married or had children and still wants to start a family.....with a woman his age.

So ya just never know. Oh, and that 23 yr old still wants to go out with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Women outlive men by about 7 years anyhow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Anna2000!
My gut instinct tells me you need a better reason than age difference to discount this guy as a possibility! As for the attraction you feel, well, I think it might be wise to reflect on how you linked up initially with your now-ex. So many people end up with not just one abusive relationship, but two or more! I believe the key is to learn our lessons so we don't have to repeat them. I am sometimes dismayed at the daydreams I have when I realize they would be a repeat of things I did many years ago and I should know to envision wiser choices at this point.

Say, do you still have my email address? I'm venturing your direction the weekend of August 8th. heh heh, maybe I could go to church with you and give a real life opinion! Seriously though, I hope we can visit this time.

Anna,

Nothing is wrong with the guy being younger! My hubby had just turned 28 and I was 32.5 when we met. I'm not 34 and he's 29 (almost 30) and we've been married for over a year. I honestly didn't know how old he was for a little while after we met. I just assumed he was around my age (Wrong!! LOL) But it's been great!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi all,

I will reply later as I have to leave for work but wanted to quickly respond to Lonesome heart.

I have your email addy and will email you and I'd love to get together with you. I will send you my cell number. Also, perhaps other mbers might want to get together too.

c'ya,

ANNA