As we have been divorced since June 6 of 2003. X-husband and I still talk, some, not much. But x-husbands half/brother, which he hasn't seen in probably a good 10 years, and doesn't talk with him on the phone at all, sent an invite to my home with my name and x-husbands name on it. Do I go to the wedding, which is out of state? Sounds like a really fun wedding. At copper mountain, Colorado. Just how do you go, and act like a normal person?

And for the other thing, as many of you know, SNL x-husband, hasn't given me my child supoprt or alimony. Courts are so screwed up here. And I won't beable to live off this money, and he knows it. Also, I am dealing with healing from the surgery on the shoulder, and the whiplash pain. So x-husband, told the kids that he wanted to take a vacation this year. WE haven't taken a vacation since we all went to Arizona and that is where he had his bimbo in bed with all of us around. Then the kids told him about the wedding, and now he is going to pay for the kids to go, and have a vacation. Of course I wasn't invited. Just that he was going to make it into a vacation. Makes sense, that I get no money, and he can vacation, that is where the betrayed spouse really gets screwed again.

I have made a call to the mother of the half/brother. I left a message and hopefully she will call me back this week. I wanted to talk to her anyway, cause she is a nice person, and she just lost her husband almost a year ago. SNL's father. Which SNL didn't go to the funeral. I wanted to know her feelings, about what has happened to SNL and I, and find out what her son thinks. And I will discuss that if I am invited to go with SNL, that I have very little money. And talk about that issue also.

Just so hard, and I don't know if the invite was sent out of them not knowing that we are divorced, or what? So I thought that I would find out and congratulate her on her sons marriage. He has a child through a girlfriend that he lived with for years. It is not like this family is dysfunctional. But I don't want to condemn this marriage. Maybe this marriage will work, but I know that they are not christians. So there is the thought that it might be a short term marriage also. SNL's half sister, sister to the guy who is getting married, she got married about 2 years ago to a guy, and the marriage lasted 9 months. The family is dysfunctional big time, and I feel sorry for the kids. Their dad, SNl's father, was a horrid drunk, and mean when drunk. Cussed and swore, and smoked. He was a bull headed man, that ruled everyone. His opoinion was the only opinion he wanted to hear. His wife put up with this man for years, and I give her praise that she did this. She cared forhim, while he was really sick, and she is a caring individual.

Anyways, back to the problem. SNL and I talked a few sentences about the wedding. So I will see what the mother of the groom has to say. Just more of the tension of the divorce, and the tension of SNL can do whatever he wants, and don't have to worry about finances. And of course, doesn't worry about me. Which he doesn't, but sure would of been great if he said like he did here on marriage builders, that he would always take care of me financially and emotionally. The emotionally, has really fallen through the cracks, and looks like the financially is following the same path. Yep, us betrayed spouses really get stuck with the crap. While the wayward spouses, move on with their life and money, and no worries about their spoues of many years.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.(James 1:19)

take care and please be careful remember what the bible says about the tounge...and how hard it is to tame..but it needs to be done..try prayer tell it to the Lord...

..you got an invitation to a wedding not an invitation to critic the family..

God bless you this was done with love not hate in my heart but to help you..and to keep you from doing it anymore..because it isn't right is all...ok...

just send your brother in law a card..and send a card to the mom..if it has a rsvp then let them know if you can or cannot make it..and let hubby answer for himself and children..but don't start putting them all down..and making you look good cause it comes out the other way on their end..ok don't say anything..just keep it happy for them..it is after all a happy and joyus occasion for their family and your not part of it now..sorry as that is..but it is what you feel and know, so be careful when you do call you aren't sure what they already have been told..so you could be hurt big time from them..too...take care take care of you..do not depend on him...for anything..but
go through the courts
...and make him..pay you what he owes you take him to court for it...and get it..
keep on keeping on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ July 20, 2003, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: SadEyes ]</small>

Yes, I realize that words could of come out stating how either one of us was victimized. So I was going to be brief, and just state that SNL and I are divorced, ask her if she knew. Cause SNL does not talk to his family. And go from there.

The invite was a painful reminder to me. Cause I am sensitive, and that the marriage is over. So if they knew we are divorced, why didn't they send 2, or call to get SNL's temporary address? Just more pain for the betrayed spouse, and the betrayer just moves on without pain, without guilt, without remorse.

Thanks Sadeyes - how are you doing? Haven't been on the boards much, been so busy with getting things done here, paperwork is so unreal during a divorce. Getting the house in my name, is such a mess, we don't have a title on the house! How are you doing in getting around?

Are you able to get outside, and enjoy the weather and talk to the neighbors? Just been wondering, and praying for you. Your words are truthful and to the point. Keep up the good work here helping all of us, and the newbies that are just starting on MB.

I did go to the flea market, this past Saturday, and it was an experience that made some money. Not a great amount. I went and my mother went with me. For one, it started at 7 and I was there around 6:45. There is a line for reserved spots, and unreserved. Was in the wrong line then had to go in the unreserved line. God was looking out for me, I was the last one to get in. And then the spot that was left, the owner helped me get in it. It was small. They have one table for each spot. I talked with the guy across the road from me, and hes been doing this for 3 years. Said this year is slow, the economy is slow. And he only comes on Saturday. The greatest amount of people come on Saturday. My mother and I took turns going in each direction and seeing what people bring. Getting prices on things to sell. And it was okay. People start leaving around noon and by 1 the crowd dwindled down to nothing, and half of the sites were empty. It only stays open till 3. So it was interesting, and now I know how the flea market works.

I am surviving, life is sure short, and the stress has caused health problems. But I will make it, and be a better person in the long run. Already I can see that I have changed, and I like some of the changes. The one thing is that I hate, is I don't trust men, and I don't trust their words. Even talking to the guy across the road, I said to myself, yeah, wonder if he thinks I am a stupid idiot too. Just like SNL, thinks I am crazy, and all. But just working on getting through this with counseling, and getting the kids to go for one session, will be helpful.

Thank you for your words of knowledge and trust.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Focus On Jesus come and see us on chat..
and visit with us when you get lonley and need prayer..

if no one is there keep checking back..we are just starting up and people are there at different times..but there are also people who come in who are just people looking for trouble so if an op isn't in the room and somene gets nasty leave for awhile..hugs..talk to you later..

Sad Eyes - went there. Will see if it will help. Counseling seems to be the best in group therapy. Just more of selfesteem issue, to deal with. SNL has lowered my selfesteem, with his coerce unthoughtful words. And comparing me to the other woman made me cry, crying now.

I called the mother of the groom. No one answered, so I left a message. Just not going to go. Not right, I am not married to this man, and yes it is not right that he can sit there and take the kids on vacation, and I am trying to find ways to put food on the table. More of the betrayed spouses getting kicked in the butt, and thrown out, dumped and survive for themselves. Yep, not right. God hates divorce, andhates what the wayward spouses do, but that is life.

I am a lot more stronger than I was 3 months ago. Just wish I knew more of my life and where I was going. Only God knows, and God knows that the path will be good. Whatever turns out. God knows. That is where I am trying to put my trust in the Lord.

Service Sunday was really good. Our pastor, talked about adutlery, killing, and the act of adult humans. Adultery and the sin, and how God sees the adulterous person. How to forgive, if the signs of remorse and guilt are there. Killing, he talked about the older gentleman in California, that killed all those people at the market. He talked about relationship, and how people take each other for granted. If all of us would be grateful for our spouses, divorce would be down. But like all of us, we take each other for granted.

He talked about himself and his wife. They get up, and get on their knees, and pray for each other, and bless each other for waking up alive. They never go to bed angry. They forgive before bed, and talk things out. He is so gentle with her, and she with him. I was talking to the pastor and a couople of other people, and one person said, you have my daughters named spelled wrong. Talking to the pastor. His wife stood up for him and said talk to the secretary. After a discussion on the correct accent in Greek would be and that an a sounds like an e. But she was gentle with the lady, and said, pastor does not type up the pamphlets, talk to the secretary and she will be more than glad to make the correction. He talks of his wife so lovingly, and how they both have different personalities, but she accents his weakness, and he accents her weakness. I talked to him about the personality tests, and all the tests. He said, God doesn't believe in the tests. The problem is when two people take each other for granted, and also want total control. They don't let the other spouse grow, and use their abilities to the best of their ability. One spouse controls, and this sets off a crack in the track, and when the train starts to go towards the crack, the weight weakens the crack, and eventually it will crack. That is the part of control and not letting one grow.

More of the scenario of life and learning to be a good person.

I don't feel good about myself. Not totally, yet. I do feel good about getting the things done I have been wanting for the last 5 years or so. Wishing that I had the money to do the things I could. But I am working my butt off to get things painted and trim up and picking the wood up at building sites of subdivisions. We have so many new subs going up around here.

Feeling low I guess, maybe just part of the growing process. Or part of the betrayed spouse lows.

Sad Eyes - I have a feeling my downness is related to pain and scared. I have been having a numbness in my left leg and left arm. Not stroke symptoms. Seems something is inflamed or pinched. I woke up with stepping on my left foot out of bed, and everything was tingling. Not a good feeling. I hit my foot to the carpet floor and thought maybe it fell asleep. But it has been that way all day. I have a bad back ache. Been getting bad, and I helped my daughter make these flat breads, that I had to roll with the rolling pin. That was a painful procedure and had my son do my back. It helped, but I was in pain that night and the next day. Took pain meds.

I hate feeling like this. I know that healing takes time, but I have a bit of fear that something is measureably wrong with my back. I did have the rotator cuff torn, and at the hospital emergency back in October, they said that I had whiplash symptom injuries. That is one reason I don't sit anywhere too long. I spasm and get a pain in my back. Here I am at the computer, and my left leg feels numb and the left side has little feeling. My foot is tingling, and my left arm as tingling sensations.

Going to take a long hot bath, and see if that helps, and go to bed. I see my massologist tomorrow, and see if she can loosen something up. Then I have counseling tomorrow after that. Then I will come home and see if I can finish the living room. I cleaned the rest of the carpet today. I purchased a Bissel carpet steam cleaner at the salvation army. I went with my mother in law to drop off 7 big bags of clothes. And this bissel cleaner was outside. It was in excellent condition. So I asked how much it is, and they said $30, and I got the lady down to $20 + tax. It cleans really good. And the holding tank is about 2 gallons. So I had Bissell carpet cleaning solution, and it has a measuring container on the tank, you put the fluid in it and turn it upside down and add 2 gallons of very hot water and go. I added 1 scoop of oxi-clean. The carpet turned out pretty nice. Just one little section to do tomorrow. I cleaned the furniture with the little bissel I have. And the furniture turned out nice. Everything smells so nice and clean. I did the windows last week in the living room and the screens. So they look really nice. Just everything takes so long to do. Hate it. I normally could of done the carpet and furniture in one day. But just hurt, and I end up laying down a lot. That is the real relief I get. Laying down on ice.

So that is why I am down. Just the same old crap.

sad eyes,

Thanks for the web site,I went there and enjoyed it. I will back.

gentle