I've been contemplating this after reading Anna's post about younger men loving her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> When I was considering e-harmony, I read that they've done research and found most men want someone younger, so the equation they use for matches is different for men and women. I can't remember exactly, but I think the range was only a few years younger for a woman, but almost a decade for a man. Interesting. I had several male friends that upon divorce quickly dated younger women, and kept stressing the age of the women. "Can you believe a 23 year old is interested in me?" These guys were 32-34 years old. I don't know that as a woman, I would be any more flattered if a 25 year old man came on to me than if he was 35. So is it just a male thing?

So how important is age? Does it factor at all into your thinking? I am 33, and I think I would most naturally be drawn to someone 31-40. That doesn't mean I wouldn't think outside those parameters, but that is the first range that comes to mind. Where do you stand?
Krista

i believe everyone is different. i believe what you said is true about most men wanting a younger woman, and most women feeling better about older men. although, for as long as i can remember, i personally
find older ladies (40+) very attractive and comfortable to be with. there are sooooo many things to consider when talking about the age subject. logically speaking, a 20 year old wouldn't want to marry a 70 year old...but sometimes it happens. from what i've been reading in the papers lately, many people are putting less emphasis on the age thing. i've known very attractive and sexy ladies in their 20s and upper 50s. you ask the question, "where do you stand?" For me, age is not a big concern. my wife is 10 years youger than i,
although i dated a fine lady who was 17 years older than i for 5 years.

Until my ex-wife, I had always dated older women. Why? I don't know really. I have always been attracted to older women. I am not saying that I'm not open to younger women as I proved by marrying my X but I am truly attracted to mature women.

Another reason is that older women have been attracted to me also. There tends to be less games and BS. I have been told that I am mature for my age. I feel that I have been since my dad was gone half the year and I had to be "the man of the house".

Franklymydears thinks I am shallow Hal though. She tells me not to chase the ones that would be "Trophy wives". I don't see it that way but most of the time the person on the outside looking in has a better view of what is going on.

Anyway, for the most part, in my opinion, older women rule!

<small>[ July 21, 2003, 12:31 PM: Message edited by: Roughneck ]</small>

Krista, what happens when those 23 years old chickies 'grow up' and realize they don't want to be pushing around some old fart in a wheelchair at the nursing home?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Really, I know that I'm not the same person at 40 that I was at 30 even..much less 23.

I think personality and compatibility are much more important than age. My x was 5 years (well, within the accepted range) older than me in 'biological' age...but about a million years older in attitude. He never wanted to go ANYwhere or do ANYthing. He wouldn't even make vacation plans because (and I swear I'm not making this up) "I might not be alive by then". Once on our anniversary for dinner, he asked me to actually go pick up something and bring it home. PUH-leeze. What a dud...he couldn't even be bothered to go out.

I am now married to a man who, if I say, hey, let's go to New Orleans tonight, he will say ok. He actually thinks it's okay to plan more than a week ahead and looks forward to stuff. Much more my speed.

I think it's mental age more than physical.

I'm now married to a guy 12 years younger

Mental age more than physical....sooo true.

I'm more comfortable with women my age (41) or older than myself. They've learned a lot of life's lessons and have had the hard knocks. They know themselves and are grounded in their principles and needs.

When I was in my 20's I thought I knew it all. Now I know I was not very smart at all.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Krista,

Just a few thoughts. Men 30-40's are often attracted to 20 somethings for the energy, the innocence???, and sex drives. While it is NOT a rule, it is true that men generally have more sex drive than women, and women in 30-40's often just don't seem to care. The reasons are many.

But, the point is that from what I have seen the age difference quickly sorts out those relationships. You really don't see to many men married to women much younger and when you do it is a "deal". She is trading her "relative youth" (she could be 40 married to a 70 year old) for his money and stability.

It is a good trade? Not really I don't think. I have a variety of friends with May-Dec marriages. Only one where the woman is older than the man, and it is sad when the older gets to the 70's and later and the younger one is in their 50's or less. It is not that love cannot exist, but relationships change dramatically with the aging process.

If you really look most marriages don't have a hugh difference either way. Surely less than a decade. I think the human instinct is achieve as close a match as possible over a wide spectrum of issues, from child rearing, to sex drive, to general outlook on life.

You see I think 33 is very young. I had just been married a year or two at your age. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Personally I would stay away from large age gaps, similar goals, and outlooks on life are more important.

But, Crista life is an adventure. You never know how to best work things out.

Good luck with your life.

JL

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: AD. ]</small>

I could go into my 'caveman' theory on attraction:

basically, men look for young nubile fertile mates to propagate the species (it's a reptilian instinct kind of thing)

and women look for older ('survivor', successful) hunter gatherers to help them survive longer.

nutshell version.

Hmm.

I don't know about most men wanting younger women, but as recently as four months ago this particular man would have told you that there was no chance I could ever be interested in a younger woman. After being married for so long to a woman who lacked maturity in several very important ways, I knew that if I were ever to get married again I wanted an equal partner. I assumed that youth would be a disqualifying characteristic in any prospective wife.

When I developed a strong interest in a woman fifteen years my junior, no one could have been more surprised than I was. Of course, I didn't know at the time that she was that much younger. And I got to know her mostly through a teacher-student relationship where she was the teacher, so perhaps I was predisposed to respect her more than might otherwise have been the case.

In my own particular case, I am not sure whether I am bothered too much by aging process considerations, or not bothered enough. Statistically, an age gap marriage is a tragedy waiting to happen, but...longevity runs in my family, and I have known 70-somethings who could run rings around many 50-somethings. When does sober consideration of future possibilities shade into an unhealthy borrowing of trouble? (After all, it is by no means unknown for the older partner to outlive the younger.) And applying statistics to any determination about the wisdom of pursuing a relationship is a good way to scare yourself off. Divorce rates alone should be enough to guarantee that.

I agree with Just Learning that "similar goals and outlooks on life are more important", but I'm a little baffled by the implied assumption that an age gap necessarily works against those factors.

I don't think I would ever advocate for age gap relationships. But neither would I rule them out.

Heh heh heh... My ex was 5 years older than me. When we married, we were about the same maturity level. I was 23 she was 28. I think I was about 25 or 26 years old maturity wise. Unfortunately, I continued to mature and found that in effect, she was regressing during that time. She ended our marriage saying things like "Well who else should I go out with, all my married friends are home with their families." ??? She said this after I told her that I thought her friends were a bad influence on her. She ended up having an affair with a 27 year old married father of two very small children when she was 37.

I loved her because I could talk to her when I was young. As I grew, I found that we had less and less to talk about.

However, perhaps because of her being older than I was, I am very hesitant at looking at anyone over a year or two older. One reason is that I WOULD like more children. She decided she didn't want any after our second. And also, because of a 'REASON' she gave me for leaving... just one of the countless. She said, "All my friends have MADE IT!!! But we haven't." She said this about a week before I finished my residency. I mean, she went 10 years during my education and then at the last moment complains that we haven't made it, at the absolute cusp of financial freedom??? But the fact that she could even think about it made me realize that some people have expectations about things at certain ages. Apparently her's was to have 'made it' financially before I was through with medical school. Now she just gripes because I am earning my very good starting salary, and she doesn't get her 'HALF', which is what she assumed she was entitled to for the rest of her life. She really did, she always said that if I cheated on her, she would take half for the rest of her life... she never thought about REALITY... much less what I would think if she had several affairs.

So... given that I am 34... I would most like to meet someone 29 or 30 although I would look as low as 27 and as high as 36... although the higher end is more flexible. I would love to have more children, and I know the age becomes more important over 30. Given that I would have to meet her, date her, and marry her before we had kids, that takes a few years out if I met her tomorrow. Much out of this range and I don't think I would trust that we would be similar enough in our thoughts and desires, although granted, that has absolutely no bearing in the end.

<small>[ July 23, 2003, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

and, I'm sorry but I guess I should have said 'physically attracted'.

And, fwiw, I NEVER see a man go "Wow, look at those crow's feet on that chick...she's mature!" with a leer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by franklymydears:
<strong>and, I'm sorry but I guess I should have said 'physically attracted'.

And, fwiw, I NEVER see a man go "Wow, look at those crow's feet on that chick...she's mature!" with a leer.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmm. Well, some of us don't leer at anybody, but...

The truth is, as I've gotten older, my ideas of what's sexy have changed. I may admire the body of a teenage girl, but there isn't much sexual attraction there. To me, sex involves mutuality and intimacy, and it's hard for me to imagine anything like that with someone so young. The lack of "character lines" is a physical representation of a lack of experience.

So, show me pictures of a woman's face at age 25 and age 40, and I think it's very likely that I will be more attracted to the latter.

gnome, sorry

I know generalization aren't fair and I applaud you on being one of the few mature men walking around sucking air.

My hat to you, sir!