This is a simple question and I need some advise, so I am asking for as many opinions as I can get.
Quick summary. I am The BS, D Day was 2 and a half years ago. WW did finally come back, but no real discussion of what caused the problem (I was sandbagged by the A, had no idea). WW told me she lost desire for me because of my health problems and could not recover it, but agreed to work on it. If she did, she could have fooled me. Recovery was going OK and I was trying to do everything I could to make M work ( no pressure, tried to give her a certain level of comfort and have forgiven her). Past year SF 3 times, She never initiates, I ask about once every couple of weeks.
Now the simple question, Should I give up or hang in. WW won't even entertain counseling, acts like nothing is wrong. Seems very at ease, except when SF is brought up. Very little of any affection for her. What I need from you is a poll so to speak. Should I stay or should I go ( no kids). Resentment in me building, starting not to care what the outcome is, might just be staying because I have no family left and fear being alone. What would you do? Need answers fast, because anniversary is coming in about a month and refuse to celebrate with this hanging.

Hi Mark,

Taking a pole on such a life changing issue is like a crap shoot. You may win, you may loose. Get all the info you can before you make a decision. I was married for 25 years to a WW. Many times unfaithful. Our marriage was full of conflict avoidance, both very independent people, getting our needs met elsewhere, her other men, me work. My advice to you is ask yourself why are you staying married? Is it out of pure commitment? Do you love her? Is there any chance she can change? What do you want out of this relationship? For me, even though I loved WW very much, my needs were never going to be met and I finally woke up to that fact and divorced her. I do not regret it. D will be final in about 1 month. I'd push her and challenge her to get with the program (marriage) or get out.

-------------------------------------------------
Me BS 51
WW 47
married 24 years
Son 22, Daughter 20
D-Day #1 1980
D-Day #2 1981
D-Day #3 1987
D-Day #4 April 2003
Plan B 6/1/03
Asked WS to move out
Filing for divorce end of June 03
Filed 7/9/03, 60 day wait.
All issues settled with W.

<small>[ July 21, 2003, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: Joquin1 ]</small>

I guess my question is whether you wish to spend the rest of your life in this type of marriage?
The facts are that your wife cheated on you and put your health at risk. She refused to discuss the reasons why she had the affair. She has made no attempt at recover and your sex life is in the toilet. In addition she refuses to accept any counseling. You do not have any children so the decision is obvious. What are you getting out of this relationship. It seems very little but disrespect. If you are alone you have the opportunity to meet someone else who will respect you, respect a committment love you and have a physical relationship. It seems you have none of this now.
Why would you want to settle for so little in your life? You deserve better than this don't you think?

no kids, that's easy,

leave and don't look back

wiftty

Sooner or later you have to sit down and ask "What's in it for me?", if I stay in this marriage, and if I leave this marriage.

Would you consider going back and reading some of the columns Dr. Harley wrote on the wayward spouse? You seemed surprised that she acts like nothing is wrong. Where she is concerned, there isn't any thing wrong! Wayward spouses rarely experience remorse. Even when they claim to be remorseful, it is only because they think that is what you want to hear, it isn't very sincere. What wayward spouses are really into is blaming their misbehavior on the betrayed spouse.