Hello all!
I am new here and I just managed to learn how things work in a discussion forum.LOL

I also read lots of your todays´posts and am glad I did as I found there are really interesting topics and people here.

Sorry if I did not notice a similar situation discussed in this forum before...

Anyway,I´m 30 and have been married for 5 years to my husband.We have 2 young kids and lots of marriage problems among which:

1. the lack of time for ourselves.He works even on Saturdays,travels abroad at times,hardly takes a 3-4 days holiday twice a year,spends 98% of "spare" time with his hobbies and job "musts".
We cannot easily find anyone to look after our kids but when we do,he mostly refuses to let me ask anyone to babysit for a couple of hours!

2.he is violent at times,breaks things,touches me with agressivity if I happen to speak about something he doesn´t like...

I didn´t dare to speak to anyone about this except to his parents as most of our common friends would find it hard to believe it
.He actually seems to be a friendly and easy going person and this appearance tricked me too in the beginning of our relationship...

We spoke about this together but most of the time he would NOT recognize he hit me...!!(as he always hit me so that there are almost no marks)

Other times he begs me to forgive him as his agressivity means just a proof of his super strong feelings for me.

3.he tends to be dominant and imposes me "rules" on how to bring up our children(even though he himself only occasionally participate in child rearing).He also thinks HE is the one who knows what is BEST for our family in EVERY situation...

4.he underestimate my intellectual capacities and prefers to see me at home with the kids until they "grow up".

5.he is kind of "conservative",against high technology,(is not even able to send an e-mail),against "foreign" music & food,etc)

Well,these past months a friend of mine divorced and I am still friend with her ex hubby,mostly due to his job.

Three weeks ago he repaired our satelite TV we talked more and we found out with surprise that we shared most of the same life principles and even tastes!(just the same kind of books,movies,music,food,main hobbies and we even had similar short comings!!)

I started to feel attracted to him but didn´t tell him or anyone else anything.(mainly as I knew he wasn´t interested in a new relationship for the moment and as I wished to give my hubby one last chance...)

Honestly I have the impression that he has got almost all qualities I wish to find in my husband..

He explained to me he was trying o take things "easy" and get used to the idea of being "left"...even though his wife ran with someone else TWICE before TOO!!!!

After each of those "affairs"she came back to him telling she realized he was the "best" and he just forgave her AGAIN!!!

I am a bit confused about my friends´situation and at the same time my own marriage.

I am not sure anymore if it´s worthy it to
save my marriage and I doubt that my friend does the right thing when waiting for his ex wife to eventually come back to him the 3 rd time...

So I´m wondering if anyone of you ever experienced something similar or you just feel
you have any good advice for me?

Hope you all are having a great day
kindaconfused in Europe

Kinda

As I'm sure you have already discovered from reading many of the posts in the forum, infidelity is one of the most painful things one spouse can do to another (not just sexual but emotional as well), so I hope you won't persue any feelings you may have towards this other man while you are still married. Also, I would be concerned about your husband's reaction if he found out you felt something for this other man. If he is violent now, is there a possibility he might really hurt you if you got "caught" or admitted your feelings? Also, the fact that you seem to be so unhappy in your mrriage could make this other man "appear" to be so wonderful. Just some things for you to consider as you ponder your future with your husband. You also have two small children to think about and how the choices you make will impact on their lives. Anyway, I would suggest you read as much as you can on this website and consider getting some counseling for your marriage if your husband would be willing to go. Maybe you should consider talking to your husband about your feelings if you think it's safe, that is.

Good luck

CH

Dear Chmajuli,
Thank you very very much indeed for taking your time to reply my message.
I feel you gave me only good advices and I am so really grateful.

I actually already suggested marriage counseling to my hubby and often talked to him about my feelings on our marriage.
All he could tell me after noticing my efforts to save our relationship was"stop talking nonsenses"!

I have recently been to a pshychologist in order to better understand my hubby´s attitude and behaviour and hoped to also get some answers about our marriage as well.The result was that she seemed to agree to most of my oppinions...

I also read Dr.Harley´s lines and I must say with sadness that I´m afraid my hubby would never be ready to do all those things "required" that are very well explained there.

I would definitely not hurt my husband with infidelity as long as we are still married.

I´m thinking to give my hubby one LAST chance and IF he ignores it I will start preparing very thoughtfully the divorce process.(we have a prenuptial agreement but our 2 young kids would be the priority)

Oh,yes,this web page is wonderful and I consider myself lucky to have found it.

Once again thank you a lot for writing back.
best wishes
kindaconfused
in Europe