now we're on to the Neverending Breakup. He called tonite, cried, said how much he missed me. I was nice but firm........how long does this last?

*I think ya did the right thing. He will get over it. Just think if you had to live forever with that clingy crying man. Who could take it. He needs to get some control over himself and his life. Maybe he was looking for a new "crib" to roost in. Yours.

He has to accept your decision...further pleadings are only driving you further away...am I correct?

Just don't answer his calls. He will get the point.

WOW ... what a cling-on! Glad you are letting him go, at least actively trying no matter how he resists ... LOL (not really) ... regardless of those who might make light of this, these are very controlling behaviors he's got.

NEXT!

I also vote for not answering his calls. Clingy people will look for anything to cling to. If you listen to his sob story, you are sending the message that you are willing to still spend time and energy on the relationship, and he will continue to have hope.

So of course he called again and I was bluntly honest.....told him that when he makes me feel guilty to get his way it makes me feel bad and I don't like it. Pointed out controlling behaviors.

And guess what.....he said he didn't realize it. Didn't want to be that way. Ok, I know, I lived with the biggest con artist on the planet for 12 years, so I took that with a grain of salt. But we had to be at the same meeting last night and he was a perfect gentleman and was very careful not to do any of those controlling things. So of course then I felt attracted to him again.

Sheesh!

LOL.

I bet he'll be on his best behavior for the next 1 to 5 times you're together. If I'm right, then I want you to sew me a shakespearan duelling outfit worthy of Othello!!! Guys don't change THAT much! Haha. I'm sorry to be cynical but when I read your post I remembered my very first crush ever... a girl named Emily. I was 14. She really liked this one band that I couldn't hardly stand listening too. But, as far as she was concerned, I really liked it!!!

The most important thing here is that he worships you, is affectionate with you (and you want that), and he's desperate cuz he can tell you're pushing him away. But hey, a short if painful talk about control issues, and now he's golden. Anna... you need to date other guys. Tell him you're going to date other guys and get away from this exclusive stuff. You already did the hard stuff of reasserting boundaries and the control issues talk right? In the best case scenario, he's fine with it and you keep this affectionate caring guy around who makes you feel all googly AND you can continue to meet other guys who understand your vocabulary.

It's funny reading your posts cuz I'm dating this great girl who is great except for 2 things:
- She's major rebound fodder after just ending a 7 year engagement.
- She has no hobbies/interests and is very passive.

On the flip side, she finds me so funny she has laughed herself into a nosebleed on several occassions and is very affectionate. I can see her becoming just like your boyfriend. And all of the advice I just noted for you, I'm thinking of for myself. So, if you want, bounce me an email outside of MB and we can plan this out in more detail if you want!!! ;-) I'm going to have to have a "passivity" talk with her very soon.

Cheers and good luck.

<small>[ July 29, 2003, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Gosh, this sounds so scary to me. He is trying to buy your love & kindness. If he is this way now, look out when and if you do get more serious. Think this way if you can. Suzie down the street in her kindness will fill your car up with gas, or a family member will send flowers, or someone can help you around the house. This being only a few months old and at this level needs to be stopped. I had a relationship similiar and it ended in terror. He attempted to rip the door off of my car, had his family call me so on and on. He knows you do not want to hurt him and uses this to his advantage. If you have to, hurt him so he will not hurt you. Stop before it starts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">now we're on to the Neverending Breakup. He called tonite, cried, said how much he missed me. I was nice but firm........how long does this last?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">depends upon his intellect and his maturity. . .

low intellect (doesn't get it) 6 months
Immature (acts like he gets it for awhile) 3 months

pick your poison <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

wiftty

Hi Annavon,

Just want to say that I am going thru almost the exact same thing. I long-distance dated this guy for a year and after he was dishonest with me (about several things), I broke it off. That was in February.

I also asked him to not call or e-mail me so that we could put some time/distance between us and move on. He kept calling. And e-mailing. He was sorry, wanted me to take him back, cried, told me how much he loved me, etc. I took his calls everytime he called, even tho it tore me apart.

In fact, to this day, I still have feelings for him and love him. This has been the most difficult time and decision for me. I just had to keep myself strong to my word, even tho my heart missed him and wanted to talk to him.

He finally hasn't called for a whole month....until yesterday. He left me a voice mail at work which said he missed me, loved me and wants to hear my voice. I was just not going to respond, but that feels so incredibly rude. So I e-mailed him and told him...again...that I can't talk or communicate with him and that I hope he understands.

I feel how you feel and just wanted to let you know. The main thing I can say is stick to YOUR word about what you do and don't want for the relationship, don't give him encouragement and be as kind as you possibly can. No matter what issues he has, he is still a person. After my divorce, I have tried in every way possible, to not hurt others as best I can. Some decision may cause others pain, but I can at least deliver those decisions with grace and love.

God bless you.
Aloha,
Ms.O

<small>[ July 29, 2003, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</small>

Thanks all. Lyxa...don't know your email addy, you'll have to write me first.

So, I had a blind date tonite......been chatting with a guy online, invited him to meet in the park for the weekly concert. He showed up, we listened to Dixieland Jazz, it was nice. He's nice. But not all that interesting. Of course now he's already emailed me for another date.... sigh....

Tomorrow night I"m going out to dinner with my ex bf....the first guy I dated after my divorce. We broke up cuz....I was too clingy, lol. But he did such a "good" job of breaking up with me, that we remain friends and I learned alot about how to do it. Weird, huh?

Ok, so I"m not being a wallflower, and yes, Mr. Clingy knows it. He called tonite, we talked about a few things briefly, and HE ended the call. Too strange. And he seemed ok about my dates....