I'd rather be on EN's complaining about my h and our problems and trying to figure out what to do next to save our m. We've been separated for 3 months now and we had been seeing alot of each other over the last month, even after I saw her at his house, I tried to believe that she was JAF (just a friend), he knew I was upset that she was there w/ the children. The following weekend she was back again. Maybe not for long...I don't know. Then she displayed a picture of my h, announcing "this is my new man" Needless to say, its a small world and I found out about it. I called her and tried to be polite in asking her what was going on, because although my h said she was JAF, he could be lying and I know that she will want me to know the truth. She did and said they had been together for 6 months - she was aware of our relationship and how much time he had been spending with me but she didn't care. And that I should talk to him. Basically, he still says that she is not his woman. this was a week ago I have not talked to or seen either one of them since. He says she's not, but he is not caring or looking after me at all. MY h has turned on me and I so don't want to be here for support. I would rather think of ways to win this fight even when everything points in the losing direction for me. I would rather curl up in a corner and die but I can't so here I am. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ July 24, 2003, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: MYB ]</small>

MYB, I like you would rather be somewhere else...sadly, I filed yesterday after fighting a good fight for 9 months...it was a tough day....Have you read "After the Affair"...good book for me, talks about both perspectives, what is love, deciding to decide, etc...gave some real insight for me....After 4 false recoveries, It was time...Both morally, and biblically...besides, after moths of several unloving actions, I was through being a doormat...The WS reasoning is blurred and what everyone else can see, they fail to see...no amount of reasoning will work...I used Love must be Tough letters, MB information and my W basically has spiraled out of control to the point of getting herself arrested and spending the night in jail....I thought this would wake her up, but it made her bitter and able to justify ending the M....I am OK w/ that even though in my heart I love her dearly, but have turned her over to God to persue....She has a court date Monday which is not going to go well for her...(9 months NC w/ me, 3rd party visitation w/ kids,26 weeks mandatory counseling and a mental health eval)...she is gonna flip...but this is a result of her continued actions...Pray for strength for my family and I will for you as well..There are lots of folks here that have walked where we both are...listen, read , learn and take care of you...a hard thing for me was to see that no matter what I said or do, I can not control my W behavior....

Thank you, for your kind words. I am so lost, I don't know where to be or where to go. right now, I'm going through all of my MB post and gathering all of my thoughts and efforts to save the m. What good will this do me.

I did the same, I was looking and searching for the answer I wanted in all the books and MB posts...The amswer I wanted never came...One day I discovered that what I was looking for was lost 9 months ago...(maybe not so for you) In the final analysis, my W did not participate in counseling, did not read, did see this site...so to expect any kind of answer for me was the fact that the answer was in front of me...I delivered a 2 stack of papers yesterday to file for D, spent 30 minutes discussing and 1K retainer...this will begin the process of dismantling 21 years of life history and trampled lives...I wanted to cry, feel I should and yet I havent and can not...I am troubled by this...Yet it must be God giving me the strength my son (17) says I need...at some point, I know I will have a meltdown crying session..(has happened before)...for now, I must focus and move forward..