I have a question for anyone that can help. My wife and I separated alittle over two months ago. She completely shut me out up during this time up until last week when she called me because she missed spending time and talking to me. She wants to be friends. I got overly enthusiastic about breaking down this barrier and started to push for more. Apparently, she isn't ready for that and is still not sure if we make a good married couple. She talks about starting over and moving to another state. It doesn't seem like she's herself right now. I gave her a separation agreement and we're starting the process of selling our house. I'm living in an apartment now. Has anyone out there been in a similiar situation and if so, do you have any suggestions for me? I want to start over with us, not with anybody else. Through counseling and this separation, I've come to realize a lot about myself and what went wrong in our relationship. I want another chance to prove that I can be a good husband. She doesn't want to try and says it would be too easy to get back together with me but that she doesn't feel that strongly about me anymore. I went through a period of depression last year and did some things that I'm not proud of. She turned around and had some inappropriate relationships herself. At the most, it was just "excessive flirtations" according to our counselor at the time. We are seeing separate counselors now. I don't what to do and how to handle this. Please let me know what you think.

You should definitely start out by becoming familiar with the Marriage Builders concepts. There are great plans to fix those things you are having problems with.

I am sort of in a similar situation where my W was the one who had the Affair. We separated (she moved out to "clear her thoughts"). Right now we're in Plan B (on the MB site) and she has taken a job promotion with her company that will be out of state. BUT she got a 4 month extension so that's our time frame for now on deciding whether to stay together or not.

When the person still isn't themself, that's called the "fog" where reality and sound judgment are hard to find.

You need to figure out what both of your Emotional Needs(EN) are along with Love Buster's(LB).

The best way to convince someone of coming back is to show the change in yourself and make the marriage an enticing thing to come back to.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice, Eduard. That's a real suitable term for what her mental state right now. I'm just afraid of what she's capable of doing during this "fog" period.

Four months is a long window of opportunity for you, I hope it works out for the best.

Coughlin - the fog period is so uncertain. There will be many days of ballistic actions, and days of niceness and openhearts. There will be many ups and downs and it is basically hard to accept.

I would keep the separation. Work on yourself, and read read read. If possible, get into counseling and find yourself. Do the plan A, being separated, work on no lovebusters.

This is not going to be easy. You have basically 4 months to try your best. But a lot can be done in 4 months. If this is meant to divorce, then a divorce will come up after. I for one was not for divorce, but I am divorced, and feel better about it then when the divorce was started.

Your wife is deeply in the fog, she needs respect, and do not be clingy. Give her the space she needs and give her the compassion of a husband that says, I love you, but not in a pushy needy way. Good Luck. Marriage Builders has great many ideas and many good point. They have done this for years, and have saved many marriages. I hope that you find success. Another good book to read is Dr. Phils, Self-matters.

Thanks faith4me. I've been having a really hard time lately. I cry all the time now. When I see her, it's not the same. She shows me no affection. I try and read into what she says to get a clue as to what will happen. I miss her so much and want so badly to have her back. I am in counseling now, but I can't seem to function anymore. The smallest task is hard to accomplish. I don't want to lose her and I know that I have to give her space but it's just so sad and overwhelming.