Haven't posted in while.
She did it, she won, she got her divorce, she got everything.
Married 17 years, 2 kids,house,17 years worth of life together.
She did rather cold hearted too.
She was done, she filed r/o, got me gone from house, gone from her, and she proceeded to start over right away, she made me into some kind of monster, said I never did anything, said I was abusive, of course all this time she had new boyfriend (someone she worked with).
So for 6 months, I was allowed no contact with her, I myself was arrested for contempt of court for calling her (from the wrong location, don't ask), lost my job, ended up settling before divorce court, she got custody of kids, (even though I was stay at home dad for 8 years, while also working, of course now she says I was a terrible parent and did a terrible job)
Apparently she hated me very much, she said she wanted out of marriage 3 months after being married, and that I brought nothing to the marriage, that every job I had was not good enough, that all I did when I watched the kids was sleep,lay out,workout, and put them in front of tv.
Of course she (or her attorney) made herself out to be perfect and me to be a monster.

How does someone do this (destroy me) to someone they were with for 18 years?

As soon as I was out of the house the other man was around her and my kids all the time.
I find it dispicable to bring OM into my spot in the family immediatly.
Taking kids to movies,fishing,camping,dinner all withing weeks of me being banished.
OM has been accepted into her family right from the start.
Me, I moved to the state she grew up in and all her family is in 15 years ago (to make her happy)
Now I find myself completly isolated, my family is 2000 miles away, and all I can look forward to is seeing my kids every few days.
My wife during the last few months we were together, said she hated me, wanted space, didn't know what she wanted (all the signs of affair).
She even said she wished I were dead.

Well I guess to her I am dead, and have been for some quite sometime.
I feel like I have had my whole life and future yanked away from me.

I understand divorce but she has given me
devastation.

Hang in there. Time heals everything. You will find a new path and a new life yourself.

Best wishes.

rufustfirefly, I'm sorry. It's very frustrating when the WS seems to end up on top and you are left at the bottom. All I can say is that her time is coming, and all you can do at this point is to pick up the pieces and try to get on with your life. Easier said than done, I know. But believe me her seeing you together and happy again will get to her. Start getting your life together for that reason... and soon you will find that you really are happy and that she doesn't matter anymore. She is the real loser here... not you.

I definitely agree with One_day. After finding out about my W's A, I have made it my mission/goal to do those things she said I didn't do and make myself an even better person (not that I was bad to begin with).

While the current times are bleak, the future is bright and holds open roads to what ever it is you wish to do. You are better without someone so cold hearted.

I agree the wayward spouse gets the highlight of everything. The wayward spouse demeans the betrayed spouse, and finds it easy to say negative things about you. They hate your guts, they hate you for living.

But in reality, their turn will come and they will find life really hard and difficult. They will probably be alone most of their life. I look at my wayward spouse, and wonder why he turned out like he did. I wonder why he did all he did, and lied and cheaeted and injured me. But he will get his return in the end. God saw all of it, saw saw the man turn into satan buddy.

Be the best person you can. Find the answer by being the best you. You will find a good person out there that loves you and only you. You will find the love out there that loves you for who you are, and won't demean you and put you down when ever they get a chance.

Good luck.

Rust, don't give up dude! If it weren't you posting this I would say your wife was a CARBON COPY of what mine did to me, except that I didn't get arrested - everything else - yes every single thing else happened to me.
Today - she's still a bitter person, while I have moved on and the Lord blessed me with a wonderful WOMAN who showed me everything Marriage was meant to be!!! Trust me, believe me, it WILL get better. I promise.
Sure, my kids and her Family despise me. Who wouldn't, if they heard all her CRAP LIES about me and never bothered to hear the 'other side' of what really happened?
Just shows you how WEAK-MINDED folks can be - they'd rather live in total ignorance than to seek the truth.
That was 5 years ago.
You are in my prayers, Rust.
May God bless you, lift you up, heal your hurts, bring you TRUE Love, and restore all that you lost.
Peace, my brother.
Harold