Barbara Beach: Sorry to hear your husband is so cruel to you. I've experienced verbal abuse for almost twenty years - so I can sympathize with you. However, I have seen my husbands abuse for what it is: frustration and lack of self-esteem. His favorite is to call me stupid. (I graduated at the top of my class and am very successfull in my chosen profession). He is NOT my intellictual equal - and that threatens him. (By the way, he has OTHER strengths greater than mine which he refuses to consider. So his self-esteem wavers). So, he reverts to his childish temper and calls me stupid. I'm sure he thinks it makes him feel better and superior, but it never does. <BR>Other abuse includes telling me he'd rather masturbate than have sex with me. The fact he's never told me this in anger (ie, during a fight) IS rather odd. It's a game he plays. If I don't play, he can't win. And, no one is the loser. Your husbands verbal abuse is not acceptable, but if you let it push your buttons and let him see you react negatively - he's won. Make him lose his balance by saying something like, "I can understand how you might feel that way", then shut your mouth and walk away. (He won't know what to do, anyway.....) Then, at an opportune time, sit down and speak with him about it in a very non-judgmental and non-threatening way. I used to say, "would you speak to your co-workers that way - or your best friend? I don't treat you like that and I expect the same respect from you. I am, after all, supposed to be the most important person in your life: your wife. I would appreciate being treated with a little more respect. I understand if you are angry about something. But, let's address the issue, not the person." <BR>Hope it works for you. (Didn't always help for me but, hey, it's better than being resentful. I'd get to say my piece and get it off of my chest.)<BR>Good luck and don't let his childish antics destroy your self-esteem. You are better than that.
