Jan, while you were out did he drink?

as it could be he would like someone who drinks..

I'm with you...if I go out dancing be it with a group of lady friends or on a date..I may have 1 drink..then I switch to coke and then water..

Oh, back to your restaurant ordering theories, FC....I think in general you might be right. BUT, I happen to be diabetic, something I don't announce to new dates. I generally decline alcohol, appetizers, desserts, and anything high carb.....I don't explain why, or make excuses or mention diets. I just say that I prefer fresh fruits and veggies and really enjoy a good rare steak. And then change the subject. I"m used to watching other people eat rich stuff in front of me, doesn't bother me... much more prefarable than becoming comatose on my date, lol.

So....sometimes there might be considerations other than you think.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AFS:
<strong>Do these dates occur spontaneously (while you happen to be out of town with your kids), or are you traveling a bit for the planned date? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm in the process of relocating - so I've been meeting people there - and usually, it's someone I've met while there, or that I've met online and they say 'call me when you get to town' knowing that my kids will be with me. Even if I've met them through the personals on the internet, I've been emailing them for a while getting to know them. But more often, I've met them on one of the several forums I frequent.

Only one case where I was invited to bring the kids a bit of distance to meet someone, and I was aware that we were 'meeting for the date' when we left. I wasn't impressed when I got there either. His communications skills in person were seriously lacking. By phone and email, he was extremely talkative and friendly; in person, he was introverted and counted on activities to communicate. It just didn't work for either of us.

Jan

Touche AFS... this was more tongue in cheek... but you definitely are correct. I don't read something into everything that is said or done. Some ulterior motive... if you will.

And Annavon... I agree and I see your point... but I will tell you. I would wonder what you were thinking the entire time if you were refusing everything that was offered. I wouldn't care if you were diabetic. That would be a quite simple explanation, easily understood, and lightening for the situation. But if I said... lets get an appetizer.. NO thanks... Can I see the wine list... NO thanks... I want something for dessert... NO thanks. I would wonder... What is wrong with me. She is trying to end the date quickly or doesn't think I can pay...

Yes... truly during a date it does all end up about 'me'. Everyone still wonders if things are happening if they are doing something right or something wrong. I don't know. I respect your reasoning and I absolutely respect your choice. All I can say, is that I would feel awkward.

I love wine, but wouldn't order it without you. I love dessert, but wouldn't order it without you. I love appetizers but wouldn't order it without you. At least without understanding your reason for declining...

<small>[ July 30, 2003, 09:10 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Thanks SJ, I pray my marriage works out according to God's plan.

I pray that God will deliver a good man to you, one that has the qualitites you are looking for and the morals to uphold his values.

In God's time, not ours and his will be done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I got a question for all of you. I have a date tommorow night, the guy asked me out "for drinks" Here is my dilema, since I wont have time for dinner in between getting off work, picking up my son from daycare, changing and driving to the place, do I order something to eat? Or might he percieve it as obnoxious, like he only asked me out for a drink and here I go ordering food? What to do?

Like Water For Chocolate,

FYI: You need to change your signature and add you are now divorced.

Keep it simple. When you meet up, explain to him that you haven't eaten and would like to go somewhere there is food (at least some appetizers).

Thank you Chris.

Find somewhere that serves food/appetizers in the bar?

Heh heh heh... well, I am actually very excited about a lunch date I have on Monday.

I have spoken minimally but emailed extensively with this woman over the past few weeks, however, have not actually met her yet. This is not at ALL how I have usually dated, or met people. It is funny. This is the first time I have actually been excited in a long time. I have always looked forward to going out. I enjoy it immensely, even if I don't feel a connection with whomever I am with.

But for some reason... actually a multitude of reasons now that I think about it. I am a little nervous. Not really nervous, but having never seen her, nor really spoken to her, I have built this image of her in my mind. She is extremely intelligent... one of the most intelligent people that I have met for sure. She is funny, a little edgy... she is just a touch risque. And she likes HORSES!!! Wow... for me that is fantastic. She is religious, but doesn't attend the same church I do. I know she is beautiful... she has sent me several pictures. She must think I am at least decent looking as she begins every email 'Hi Handsome...'

I am worried about this in a way... because at this moment, she is everything that I am looking for, and that is a little scary. For several reasons. First... I am worried about liking the 'thought' of who she is rather than the actual person. I am conscious of this, so I am trying to stay realistic. Second... I am worried about her for the same reason. I am worried that she will like the thought and security of me more than the actual me. I ONLY think these things because of the way we have 'met' and the way that we have interacted without having met. I know alot about her, but I don't know if she is right or left handed... not that it matters, but what I am trying to say is that I know more about her, than it seems like I should given the 'lack' of general knowledge that one learns from actually seeing someone in person.

I also have never met a 'date' for lunch... for the first time. It is good and bad... Good in that I recently went out on a eternal Sunday afternoon date spanning 7 hours with someone that I really didn't like very much after 15 minutes. So, an hour or so limit is a good thing. On the other hand, an hour limit may be too short... but just enticing enough to set up another date. This is what I am hoping should things turn this way.

But... none-the-less... this is the first time I have been a little nervous... and the first time I have actually thought WAY ahead... about what I was going to wear. I always dress well... but decisions... decisions... and the fact that I will have to be leaving work to meet her. Doubt the XL light blue scrubs will be terribly appealing to her as a first impression. heh heh heh

I hope your lunch goes well..... and, I did not know you were a horse person! (I am too) Let us know how things go, okay?

I've been reading this thread with great interest. My divorce is now final, and someday I will have to figure out the dating thing. (the last time I dated, was in college... I simply showed up at bars with girlfriends, made eye contact with guys who I thought were cute, and they usually trotted over. Of course I was 20 then.... so I know that I'm totally out of my league when it's time to figure this out.)

I wish there were "matching" services for opposite sex friends... not for dating, but to meet men and go out as friends, paying your own way or alternating who pays.... sort of a "training wheels" approach for the newly single again.

Hey all,
I can't tell you how I appreciate this particular thread..I haven't been on the site for almost 2 years. After having started back in the dating world, I realized that I, too, am kinda lost, and hearing what you all have had to share has given me a little more insight.
How I appreciate hearing from different men's perspectives!! It has made me realize that I am not far off in what I expect, or would like to have happen. I have come to the place of knowing that it's not just about whether I'd be good for him, but is HE good for me!!
This dating in the adult world has opened my eyes to how juvenile ALOT of adults really are. Brother! And here I thought dating was for GROWNUPS!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Totally Confused...it is easy to conjure up an image of someone we haven't met yet in person; we have an easier time writing than talking and meeting in person. And, I have to tell you..I've learned that there's a difference between someone who says they like horses, and someone who understands what horses means to those who have them! It means actually getting manure on their shoes, or hay in their hair! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know..I have 4, and it is EXTREMELY important to me to have them in my life!
I do hope you enjoy your lunch date..if nothing else, remember that with each encounter we are that much closer to the one He has for us!

well, now that I see there's 3 of us who have horses, I'm curious as to how many others are of the equine world...it's hard to find others who appreciate the "finer" things in life, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and are on the same page in this relationship world...if others would like to know..('cause I would..) I have 4, trail ride and am in Washington. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I called her last night and we spoke at great length... It was fantastic!! It was so odd, because, and I REALLY MEAN THIS... it was as if she went through my diary... if I had one, and learned all the things that I enjoy, cherish, believe, etc... and then rehersed her lines. She said about every thing that I could have asked for had I actually written out a script. It scares me just thinking about it, because it is one of those 'Too good to be true' scenarios.

But I am a trusting soul. It has blown up on me before, but I refuse to live my life otherwise. I have to be me, and to be too apprehensive is just not who I am. I have learned to guard myself... somewhat. And I have learned that I am not responsible for everyone else's feelings. That was a big one. I would ALWAYS put everyone else before what I thought, because I knew that I could 'stomach' the difficulty for the 'greater good' it would produce for the other person. I understand that I deserve a little say in my own happiness now. It is nice...

We spoke at length about everything it seemed like. She brought up her philosophy about raising her son, which was wonderful, because so many women that I have met have been far to 'lenient' in my opinion, with their children, and have been run by the 4 and 5 year olds in their lives. It seemed as though they were trying to 'make up' for the divorce by allowing anything their children did to be OK. This woman has taken a much more 'me' approach and does not tolerate tantrums, give him everything, etc. This has always been something that has worried me, and only made worse by the women with children I have dated thus far. I want my wife to be of a similar mind in our raising of our children, hers will be mine... mine will be hers... ours will be ours. And I want consistency. I never had that at all with my ex. She would have rather been their friend rather than their parent.

Anyway, Squeak and Gecko... She already owns horses... and I grew up on them and have planned on buying them since I left home. I fear placing too much 'wonderfulness' on her, but then again, I fear worrying about her being wonderful as well. What if she truly is just who she portrays herself to be... WoW...

I try to be EXACTLY who I portray myself as. I am so worried about someone thinking I am someone else, or they can 'change me'. I am all for compromise... but I don't want a woman thinking she can 'take the horse or the mountains' out of me.

I am excited... a little too excited. I am definitely no longer nervous after having spent so much time speaking with her on the phone, listening to her as she interacted with her son when he decided to get up out of bed. I am more afraid of myself... than of anyone else in this world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And hey... I am a nice guy...

Okay, horse report. I only own two at this time (that's dramatically less than for the past decade). I ride competitively, as well as on trail rides.

FC -- this lady friend of yours sounds like a good one... Don't toss her back without a good reason.

Sometimes -- the first date isn't so important as the last one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jan

I just jumped into this at page 4, but I am another horse person. Have been since I was little, galloping and neighing around the playground. I have just one horse right now, a gaited trail horse, and I've been looking for a steed for Westley.

The ex wasn't into horses, and that was a huge issue. I shoulda known better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I had horses growing up - but haven't had an opportunity to have them as an adult. However, just recently a friend offered to give my daughter riding lessons, and she has found the love of her life.

For me it wasn't a big issue, because I saw horses as part of a working ranch - but for my daughter, I can imagine a man who doesn't have or want horses may not get very far with her. She's got her heart set on a smokey colored Thoroughbred that should be ready for training this fall, she's already started breaking him to lead. I can imagine the neighbors when he moves to littleton with us... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Actually, he probably will go - and she will probably get to train him - but not live at our house... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Jan

xpButtercup....I'm happy to see that you're still here...it's funny, I remember you from a couple of years ago, and because "Princess Bride" is one of our all time favorites, I HAD to check out your website...how wonderful! SO, everytime I watch it, or think about the movie...(even own Mark Knopfler's soundtrack), I think of your story...AND to think!!you are a horse person, too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Is anyone brave enough to say what state they are in?
~K~

Squeak...ya didn't say what state you're in, if you are okay with that...one of these days I would like to get into Endurance riding.
Has anyone heard how FC's date went?
btw...I need ALL the help I can get with this dating stuff!! (I was with my ex from the time I was 16 till our divorce at 35...never dated as an adult!!!)
~K~