Ok I have been divorced since September 2002 - and the OW was and I am thinking is the lady who lives next door to me... After all of this time of my ex denying that they were ever anything more than friends etc... - the last couple of weeks he has been saying that they are talking to each other - oh very innocent of course... Now all of a sudden this weekend - he says he is gonna date her and there was nothing that I could do - so get used to it....Well you know what I know there is nothing that I can do - but my problem is that I have accepted the fact that my marriage is over - because he was a lying cheating scumbag - that wanted to live a single life... I have accepted the fact that he has lied and tortured me for quite a long time... But I still waver on the lady next door thing - mostly because she lives there - and I have to look at her all of the time - but I cannot handle the fact that they are going to be going out - but I am figuring they have been going out all along -- and now they are just trying to throw out a new relationship - so everyone will accept them - and not blame them for the end of two families - but how can I function???? How can I just say ok - they deserve each other - let them have each other - they are both slime??? I am thinking that my girls are not going to be to accepting of the situation either.... But I am driving myself absolutely nuts - thinking about the two of them talking and spending time together - it makes me want to puke... Now if he was with a stranger fine I don't think I would have this problem - but for petes sake it is the lady next door - and everytime she drives out of the driveway - I go into out of my mind overload --- Anyone have any suggestions for me..?????

That is a TOUGH situation. I know letting go is hard enough, but to be reminded of it daily everyday just makes it that much more difficult and the process of forgetting about it harder.

The only thing I can think of is trying to let it go and not think about it. As easy as it is to say and generalize, it's what you need to do for yourself for your own sanity. And if possible maybe move somewhere else one day.

Eduard - thank you for your response - basically I try to stay in my house and mind my own business - really I do - but it is so hard sometimes not to look out the window to see what is going on - but you are definately correct I am driving myself crazy - and it is really just that constant reminder - I was betrayed - there she goes just walking around like she doesn't have a care in the world... Somedays I am fine - and other days I am so UGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!! But thank you for your thoughts - in time I pray that I can let go finally once and for all...

Maw64,

I feel for you, I am not in your same situation but what a tough pill to swallow. What do your children have to say? Does he have a relationship with them?
I don't get their logic! Why would he move right next door? What a slap in the face.

I guess the only thing you can do is what your doing. I would keep my head high at all times. They have to look in the mirror everyday. Do you have a good relationship with your X? I would have a get together at your house, cookout and have everyone enjoying themselves. Let them look out the window and wonder what your doing.

Thinking of you.
LJ

Lj1122 - OK well first off - he isn't living there - he actually won't even be seen there - because he has been telling everyone for over a year that they were only friends - and just now started dating... But the simple fact is if they are dating and it drives me nuts to live next to her - she should move - frankly havent' they put me through enough... My girls are none to happy about the situation - he sees them on Fridays only - and thinks that he is a wonderful dad and that they love him so much - but yet when he had them last Thursday night over night picked them up at 10pm and brought them home on Saturday 1 pm - they had to call me Friday and he was so hurt that they wanted to call me because they were with him - well duh - they are with me everyday - I am their Mom - you are some guy they are forced to see once a week and they resent it...- they will be none to happy if they have to spend time with the lady next door - and somehow I don't think that will be happening... But Thank you for your support !!! Hopefully some night I am going to bed and wake up miraculously cured of the hell I have been throught the last 1 1/2 years... You know - Oh to be happy and normal again....

I have been in that process of letting things go and moving on with bettering myself. I know for you it's much more difficult with the neighbor and children. I try to keep myself preoccupied as possible and not let those bad thoughts creep in and drag me down.

So needless to say I painted the bathroom (never really embarked on a painting project by myself), taken up more reading, go running consistently and getting involved with Church and activities. My apt. has been consistently cleaner since WW moved out!

Eduard - well actually my ex left my house on April - 2002 and needless to say I have painted every room in the house...As for the reading lets just say - I used to read like 2 to 3 books a week - now I am like 1 in a year - I have lost that concentration level - but slowly trying to get it back - as for the cleaning thing well I have two girls and they are slobs - so somedays it is clean and other well - it is a mess - and I am actually quite busy working 40 hours week, taking care of 2 girls 10/13 and their activities - etc... and the house - and dog and cat... Now if the lady next door would just get out of my eyesight I would really be able to deal with life... And I am gradually let go more and more - but sometimes even though we are divorced it is hard - very hard - but this week I have been trying to just not dwell on it.. Thanks for thinking of me....