Ok I have been divorced since September 2002 - and the OW was and I am thinking is the lady who lives next door to me... After all of this time of my ex denying that they were ever anything more than friends etc... - the last couple of weeks he has been saying that they are talking to each other - oh very innocent of course... Now all of a sudden this weekend - he says he is gonna date her and there was nothing that I could do - so get used to it....Well you know what I know there is nothing that I can do - but my problem is that I have accepted the fact that my marriage is over - because he was a lying cheating scumbag - that wanted to live a single life... I have accepted the fact that he has lied and tortured me for quite a long time... But I still waver on the lady next door thing - mostly because she lives there - and I have to look at her all of the time - but I cannot handle the fact that they are going to be going out - but I am figuring they have been going out all along -- and now they are just trying to throw out a new relationship - so everyone will accept them - and not blame them for the end of two families - but how can I function???? How can I just say ok - they deserve each other - let them have each other - they are both slime??? I am thinking that my girls are not going to be to accepting of the situation either.... But I am driving myself absolutely nuts - thinking about the two of them talking and spending time together - it makes me want to puke... Now if he was with a stranger fine I don't think I would have this problem - but for petes sake it is the lady next door - and everytime she drives out of the driveway - I go into out of my mind overload --- Anyone have any suggestions for me..?????

I can certainly understand how you feel, I would feel the same way! This has happened to several others here at MB (next door neighbor affairs). I'm hoping they'll see your thread and respond. Is there any possibility of your moving?

On the flip side, maybe if he's over there, he can watch YOU go out and have a good time! Set the stage for him to see you not withering away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ditto that. I'd in fact have a few girlfriends come over and have an early girls' party and then have babysitter arrive and then very visibly have you girls go out to the car dressed to the nines' on the evening your former is house sitting with the neighborhood scumqueen.

That would be such sweet revenge. And it would be good fun too. You deserve a girls' night. And if you'd really like to rub it in, you could always ask x to do something like "make sure the lights are still on because I want to make sure the babysitter is on top of everything while the girls and I are out". Let him think you think he's the one with the boring and ho hum life.

Fog the fogger ok?

Just ignore her. And remember, he may be using her to spy on what you're up to. And that they're talking so if I were you, I guess I'd start dating and give them something definitely to talk about albeit be still the morally responsible and good parent though. Like when he's got the kids, see you leaving and going out doing something different and dressed up (it could be a book club in reality) but the OW and your wxh will not know the difference and since they're lying and cheating they'd assume you are going out on some hot date.

Like Bonnie Raitt sings..."Let's give em' something to talk about.."

Oh and keep up the good work at detaching. That is key. You leave them alone. Work on you. Ignore her. Do like my sister tells me..."Pretend you're a winshield coated with Rain X...Everything that comes down on your will just roll off".

Don't let them see you sweat or anything. Let them have to live with it. She's his partner in crime. And the best way is to leave them alone and go on with your life.

I'd meet with a nice realtor and set up according to your finances a plan of when to move and do a fact finding mission. Moving away from this may be good for you healing although I think that being this strong on your own is killer healing my friend!

maw,

I am sorry that you have to live with this!!! BUT man did peachy come up with some good stuff!!! Don't let him see you pining away for him, that just feeds into his sickness.

If n othing else dress to the nines and go to Walmart and a movie!!!

Have some fun with and remember to just babble back at him, when he comes to question you on what is going on and I gurantee he will want to know!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

PS---brokenhearted had this same thing ow neighbor lady, broken moved.

<small>[ July 28, 2003, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

{{{maw}}}

Hard to say what to do in that situation. I live with my ex's spy across the street... the guy (who I think was the one behind why my ex left, too (unbeknownst at the time that he was doing me and my girls the biggest favor he ever could have)) perjured himself with lies about me, constantly is a royal PITA, and I just kind of ignore the whole situation. I am VERY aware of what he is doing, that old know thy enemy type of thing. I hope now that he is unemployed that he will eventually sell and move away!

Live your life as you wish, do what makes you happy! In doing that, you are succeeding and the neighbor and your ex can see that you truly are moving on and enjoying your life. I know that just by keeping my house, managing to not fall to pieces and keeping everything going and actually having sounds of LAUGHTER coming from my house is the biggest annoyance to both my PITA neighbor and my ex that I could ever do.

Take care of you, for YOU, and forget about what neighbor and ex are doing. The kids will know what is going on with the neighbor and ex and will have to deal with it in their own way.

Lori

Hey Avondale - thank you but I don't think that he would care what I did - and I truly really don't care what he does anymore - except for the fact that I don't want him to do it with the lady who lives next to me.....
Peachy and Bangarra - Actually fortunately for me - he hasn't been going over to her house - it is just that everytime she is sitting smugly in her backyard talking on the phone - or not coming home at night on Saturdays - well then I know where she is - but like I said - I truly do not want him back - but they have both betrayed me - but even if they do deserve each other - I don't want them together - I know I have no say but I just don't want it to happen.... Out of site out of mind..

Daybreak - I know brokenhearted we actually speak and you are right she did move away - but unfortunately for me that really isn't an option - I took on most of the bills in the mortgage so I could keep the children there - but if I was to sell - after paying the mortgage and paying off my ex - I wouldn't be able to afford a good down payment - or a mortgage - but believe me I would love to move - far far away - so while he is being selfish - and oh deserving to be happy - I am driving myself nutso - thinking about the two of them - I hope and pray everyday - that I will just wake up and not care at all - or that they both get hit by a bus... HA - HA - HA !!! Heck I know we have all thought it at one time or another....

Hang in there maw - I know how tough this must be. My situation although not quite the same, is very similiar. The OW was someone my STBX worked very closely with, who was a friend to me too, I thought. We went shopping, played golf, etc., even did things together as couples. And all the while......
However, now her husband and I are very good friends, always were, and WE go places and do things together. It has helped with our healing process tremendously, given us a trusting companionship, and I know it annoys THEM to no end. Life can take some very interesting turns, but it is nice to feel respected and almost happy again.
So do dress up, go out, meet some fun people and take care of you. The h*** with them. They deserve each other. You deserve so much more.

Broken x 3 - good for you - hanging out with the OW - husband - the WS's really do suck don't they??? I have actually been wondering how you were - I wrote a thread looking for you a couple of weeks ago but I don't think you ever responded - I am glad that you are doing better - I have been speaking to TTHO - she tends to write on the GQII board and she reminded me of you - she has three grown children - they had been married since they were like 17 /18 - and she is very destroyed... Anyways - thanks for the advice - I just need to know every now and then that I am not crazy and I have every right to feel hugely betrayed and annoyed - even if I am divorced... So how are things going with you ???