Found out a week ago my wife of 13 years has been seeing someone since January and she's leaving and taking my 8 year old son with her now I'm in a hell of a state been off work a week I'm on tablets things have to get better don't they please someone HELP.

Oh Malcom,

That stinks! Well, you're not alone here. My situation is different, but I can imagine the pain. I lost my job a month after my W moved out - just couldn't work at all. Get help for yourself. Get diagnosed with depresion and apply for short-term disability if you have to. Don't lose your job.

Tell us more.

What does your son think about it?

Does your W work? Is the other man a co-worker of hers?

Is the other man married?

-AD

Malcom:

Welcome 2 MB!!! We are all very sorry you have had 2 come here under these circumstances, though. It sounds so familiar, and therein lies your salvation. There are so many fine people who have shared very similar experiences and not only survived, but thrived, that you have much 2 be hopeful for.

For now, I would encourage you 2 read all you can from the home page, particularly the articles about infidelity. There are also a host of excellent books by the founders of this site that you can order from the home page (notably "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs, Her Needs"), as well as a host of others that people here can recommend 2 you. A lot of the material from the books I cited is in the articles on the home page, though. That should give you a good start.

Another "first thing you should do" is talk 2 a counselor as soon as you can. If your wife will go with you, then that's great. If not, go alone for you. Get a prescription for anti-depressants if you need them. I know I did about a year ago, and was put on prozac. For me, it helped pull me back 2gether amazingly. Without it, I could hardly function at work.

Another thing you might need 2 do, but that I have no first-hand experience with, is talk 2 a lawyer or a family mediator. You said your wife took your son with her when she left. She shouldn't be denying you visitation with your son, particularly if she left you 2 be with her OM (other man). That isn't a healthy environment 2 expose him 2.

We might be able 2 be of more help 2 you if we had a little more detail of your history. Anything you can think of between you 2 that might have led her 2 justify having an affair? (and realize, right up front, that you are NOT responsible for her choice 2 have an affair, though you may be responsible in part for the problems in your marriage that she felt the need 2 seek comfort from someone else).

There is much reason 2 be hopeful. You WILL survive. Not only that, you will become a much stronger person, emotionally. Your marriage might also survive, and if it does, it could very well be much stronger and closer than it was before.

Please hang in there, and keep us posted when you can,
-2long

Malcolm:

I'm so sorry, Malcolm. Please go to the Links above, and start reading all the Concepts here. There's a wealth of knowledge about how to survive this, and LOTS of info about how to fix it, too!

Yes, I said fix it. It CAN be fixed, if that's what you'd like to do. BUT, first, get yourself steady, balanced out, and LEARN all you can about what needs to happen.

Malcolm, there is a progression to all this. They ALL follow a "pattern" of sorts, and if you can "hang in" - it's pretty easy to navigate through it all.

Yes, it hurts like HE!!, but you can do it, cause there's lots of good folks here to help.

Please post more and let us know what is happening, and how you are holding up. You may need to go to Dr. and get anti-depressants. Lots of folks here go through a time of that. If it helps you think clearly, and stablize your emotions, DO IT!

Please stay close to this site, but please start reading all the Concepts. I found out that nothing made more sense to me during this initial phase than this place!

It's a confusing, emotional roller coaster ride NONE of us want to take, but at least here, there's plenty of people who've "been there" and can make it less stressful for you.

Hang in, and God Bless,