I have been following this website for the last couple of months as I learned about H's A. It has been a big help that the things I have been feeling are not crazy. Others are going through the same emotional strain that I am, though I would wish no one would ever have to go through this. Married 18 yrs with 2 kids. Out of the blue, H wants out, 30 days later has A with Co-w. He comes back sorry, but won't get help for us. Just wants to act like nothing happened. I have been trying to find a way to work through our problems. He says it's not me, I'm wonderful. He doesn't know why, only feels much remorse. I forgive him. I don't know why, I always said that if this happened to me, I'm out!
Well, I don't want out. I am willing to do anything to work through our problems and make our marrage stronger.
I know I am not perfect <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I am on an emotional rollercoster and never know if I will be up or down. I try to talk to H but he says it just makes him feel guilty so, I keep my questions and feelings to myself. CAN'T Do THIS ANYMORE!
I take a couple of days by myself to think. I decide I love him and want to work. I make a list of things I need from him and a list of things I am willing to give him. I want to know where he is. I want to check his cell phone to see if he really has ended all contact with OW. He lets me look but it makes him mad. He says if I can't trust him, there is no use to keep trying. He has started to act like he is mad at me, I ask him what's wrong, he says nothing. I tell him to tell me if he is mad at me, yell at me, anything! He says he is not mad. No emotion... I can't take it anymore. I tell him that I feel alone in this recovery and will do anything he wants to as long as it builds our relationship. He sits there with no response. I say something not very nice about some of the things he said to me that were very very cruel when he had the A. ( he has never ever said anything mean to me before in our 18 yrs). I know I did it to get a reaction, any reaction. I could not sit there with my heart breaking and him sitting there silent.
He left and came back an hour later. He said Sorry for the first time. Ever! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I know it was a very difficult thing for him to say. Is this good?? What does this mean...is he going to try? next day he says he needs to find himself. He wants to leave again.
This time it doesn't hurt as much. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I can breath, only a couple of days of complete devistation. Start to climb out one step @ time. I think it is time to let him go and see if the grass is greener.
I do not need him for financial support and I am very indepentant and can take care of myself, just love him and want him in my life. Can one person love someone more than they love in return? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
We will part friends. We are best friends so this is good. Good for us and our children. They are teenagers so I only worry about the emontional impact on their lives.
They choose to stay with me.
I will always love him. I will let him go if this is what he wants, I just hope that if he wants to come back, it is not too late and I have moved on....I must build a wall of strenght to support myself. I never though I would even have to think about this in my life.....
Our dreams will still remain my dreams. I have not changed, just going on alone. Better? Stronger? Wiser? I hope... (I pray I don't turn bitter).
Would love to hear from anyone going through this or already through and survived. Divorce will be uncontested. He just wants out and will leave me anything I want.
1day@time, my daily moto.

Affairs bring out the worst in everyone. I know, been a difficult last 3 1/2 years for my family. He doesn't want counseling. That is not a good sign. I would wonder if he is still seeing the other person. Or he is in denial of the affair at all. Maybe seeing a counselor for yourself would be a start. Then if he sees a change in you, there would be a most surprising event of him wanting to go to counseling.

The ups and downs are so hard to deal with. I lived with my hsuband during his affair, and his ballistic actions. This house was like walking on needles. My kids were afraid to say anything, cause they would set their dad off too.

Prayers help, and so does counseling. Right now, I would suggest counseling, and anti-depressants. I am still on anti-depressants. Using them to help, and will stay on them for quite awhile. Have you maybe shown him the marriage builders site. Or given him the emotional needs book. Let him read some of the techniques they use.

I really can't suggest much more, but that this is not going to be easy. Get professional help for yourself, and take care of yourself.

1DayAtTime,

Praise the Lord for your commitment to your husband, despite the pain involved of enduring his desire for divorce.

Please go to www.restorem.org and www.rejoiceministries.org. At the first site, read her (Erin's) testimony, read the other testimonies of restored marriages, sign up for a prayer partner, and get her book. If you can't afford it, write her and let her know. A friend of mine did this and they sent her a book.

At the second site, sign up ASAP for the devotional called "Charlyne Cares". It will be emailed to you daily and is so awesome! Also, read their testimony.

You are already convicted that divorce is wrong, you love your husband and are willing to remain faithful... it might be a long journey but God will be with you honoring your commitment to your husband!

God bless you tremendously and do not give up what God has laid upon your heart- to stay faithful and to seek restoration of your marriage. Go to those sites. They are ministries for the one spouse who is fighting for the marriage. Oh, and both the couples who run them were divorced for 2 years (plus the men committed adultery). They are have both been remarried and restored for several years now. It is possible. With God, anything is possible!