So after weeks of begging me to get this over with and just fill out and sign the papers.... I gave them to him 2 days ago and he is to return them to me when he gets DD for visitation.

He called me at 4am this morning, as I am lying next to my boyfriend (he was staying the night) and tells me that him and his "girlfriend" (my daughters old preschool teacher) are not seeing each other anymore although he just moved in with her 3 days ago. He said that they are just going to be friends until he figures out what he wants in his life. Then he tells me that he is going to do everything he can to get me back.. that he wants another chance ( I have given him 100 and I am DONE), and that he is NOT doing the paperwork. We are supposed to go file on the 1st!!!!

So what do I do now... I DO NOT want him back in my life. How do I make him see that?
I have told him as nice as I know how. I dont want to hurt him anymore than I already have. We have both cheated, been abusive to each other, and hurt each other more times than we should have. We thought we were so "perfect" and in love... what the hell did I know when I got married before I even graduated high school? It lasted 6 years and I amazed that it went that far with all the bad things we did to each other.

So... I dont want to play hardball... it is not my nature, but I need to make him see that I am out of this marriage... I have been for a while now. I am currently with someone else... who I have very strong feelings for, and my husband knows this. He knows I am in a relationship with someone.
I thought that he was too... He is still sleeping with her, and living with her... So how is it fair that he is calling me begging for another chance and telling me he doesnt want this divorce?

Any advice?

Thanks,
Heather (StayStrong) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

This is not going to be what you want to hear. But you both are living in sin, and not doing anything that is best for either of you. He had the affair, and what do you think you are doing. You are living in sin, and not even divorced.

One, I would get rid of the boyfriend. Two, your husband get rid of the girl friend. Three, then when there is the committment of both of you being by yourselfs without emotional support of a third party, then you can work on the relationship. Of course, you don't want him in your life. YOu have someone else that is your crutch. YOu have someone else that is meeting your needs. This is not hard to see.

To not give your marrigae a chance is showing that you are not abiding by Gods words. You are not being faithful to God. God has seen that both of you have sinned, and gone astray.

If you stay with this guy, and he with the woman, do you think that these relationships have a chance at all, NO!!!!! A relationship in an affair is nothing but lust, and the devil working on you. Work on yourselfs, and on this marriage. You both fell in love and married because you both choose each other to live with the rest of your lives. YOu both choose each other because you wanted each other to be the parent of your children. Is it that easy to toss out the old and look at the new grass!!! All marriages have a lot to work on, and all marriages have a lot of ups and downs.

He is wanting the chance. He wants to show you that he cares deeply about you. Good LUck. Sorry this was a strong statement. But think about the marriage, and think about divorce. Believe me, it is ugly.

Being in love is a choice, we have more power to make that choice if we root ourself in the present. If one gives with an open heart, and he or she gives to you, it won't be difficult to fall back in love-
feelings of love or in love fluctuate in all relationships. They come and they go. A mariage that lasts over time is dependent upon loving, not necassarily being *in love*
The same choice to hate, and or resent, primarily is due because one focuses on just the negative.
Marriages, as do any relationships require a lot of forgetting and firgiving!!!
Marriages should be 100% to 100%.
I think you should be focusing on your local listings for a MC (marriage counselor) in your area (positive) opposed to (negative) divorce.
The tunnel vision maybe acquired, due to the fact you now have something *new*. A new high. Affairs do not last!!! Your commitment is suppose to be to your marriage, yes as God is your witness.
Get rid of the boyfriend!! IS your first move. Fair!? Is life fair? Get your *family* into counselling,,,,,,,
Just my two cents.
*the web we weave*

Hello, Heather:

You have been such a friend to me when I needed your advice about my wife and our separation, I really feel a strong need to give you my two cents worth.

I strongly agree with both Faith4me and Stephan. I think that you should work on reconciling your marriage. You have too much at stake. If you believe in anything that Dr Harley stands for, remember that he says that any marriage can be saved. I think that God wants to save your marriage.

I have been divorced once (my ex's idea) and she has been in my life ever since, because we have a son between us. If you are like me, I would be afraid of falling into the same trap and moving on to someone that would truly treat me special. I'm afraid that this will not last, because you are probably lonely just as I would be.

I have made a big turnaround since I started going to church more (and getting more involved in my church.) One of the best things that I have found was the materials from restoreministries at restorem.org. I would highly recommend the packet for women (it consists of two books and a set of tapes, telling you how to restore your marriage with God's help.)

This was recommended to me by Gentle from this site (marriagebuilders.com) I get excited about reading it every day, and it gives me new hope.

I'm truly sorry for the pain that you are going through now, but I think that you are making a mistake that could cause all of you even more pain than what you have been going through so far.

I also agree that you need to find a marriage counselor that is not concerned so much with validating your feelings and to what do you have to do to make this marriage work. I made that mistake or never finding a marriage counselor that works this way.

Sorry for so much unsolicited advice, I just feel that I owe it to you.

Gregg

Heather, I agree with all of the others that posted comments to you.

Your life is only going to continue going "downhill" for this reason: God will not bless an immoral relationship (you said your boyfriend spent the night... forgive me if I'm wrong in assuming that if he's spending the night, there is a physical relationship), also you are still committing adultery since you are not divorced, and also, you are not willing to reconcile with your husband.

God blesses obedience and sometimes we have to obey EVEN though we don't want to. The blessings and protection we receive as a result of obeying God's Word is so worth it.

Your marriage is not beyond repair, and also, it does not matter if you were young when you married. You married. You said vows to your husband and promised to love him "'til death." Let your promise hold true. Keep your promise.

Heather, I do not say any of this in a condemning way, but as a Christian sister who can agree with the others that divorce is a horrible thing that God does not intend. It is not His will that you and your husband divorce. No good will come of it. It just won't because it is a violation of God's Word.

I agree that you need to break things off with your boyfriend, because it is an adulterous relationship. If that guy you're with right now truly loved you and was right with God, he would not be in a relationship with you since you are a MARRIED woman.

I also recommend the site mentioned... www.restorem.org. Also www.rejoiceministries.org. But also, I realllllllly encourage you to be in the Word and become convicted about marriage and divorce. Divorce is not God's will!!!!!!!!! It results in alot of pain, bitterness, regret, etc.

Your husband sounds confused... PRAISE GOD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Although he is also sinning (with his girlfriend), it sounds to me like he is somewhat convicted and not convinced divorce is the right thing.

I also encourage you to forgive your husband of his wrongdoings. It sounds like you two have had a past that involved alot of hurting each other (you mentioned affairs and abuse).

Remember, God is greater than all of that, and God can heal both of you and your marriage. He can help you forgive and He can give you two a new and wonderful marriage!

I truly hope you will think about what has been said to you here. Although it might sound "harsh", it is all said in love. Satan has blinded you and your husband and he is destroying you and your marriage. Years from now, if you continue this path, it is very likely that you will have intense regret, guilt, and a host of negative emotions and consequences. It is NOT worth it Heather!!!! God can and does heal. He also blesses us when we obey Him and do what is right.

God bless you and consider these words given to you.