Hi Frank,

Really, this whole board is about reconciliation?? I honestly haven't gotten that impression. It seems that there's only a small few who encourage that. I've read many sad, sad posts of people sharing all the dirt on their spouses and just bitter, bitter, and sooooo angry. It truly breaks my heart. I'm sad for their situation but also sad that they post all that private info. in here and get responses like they do. I decided quite awhile ago that I would not say one single bad word about my husband nor will I share things he did that would cause the listener to think negatively of him. I used to also think that I really needed to "vent" but now I vent to God and God alone, and I can tell you that the results are much better. I also was very convicted about gossip and slander from reading a book from that one site I mentioned (Restore Ministries). There are some really, really strong verses on slander that caused me to tremble in my shoes and I stopped then and there! I'm glad I did too. I regret bad things I said at first and the anger and hurt it caused my husband.

That is really interesting that there were more success stories back when you first joined. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

As for sufb, I decided it'd be best for me to simply not engage in conversing with him. I wonder if this is a good place for me to be period. Ladysheep has also accused me of being "manipulative" and that I sound "angry" (???) because I didn't agree with things she said as being fully Biblical. So I am not so sure this is a good place for me to be. It's actually kinda depressing and discouraging reading all the stuff I mentioned above (negative stuff and stuff like, "get on with your life").

But God has been able to use me to bring encouragement to some people in here and it is always with trembling that I suggest reconciliation, but I still suggest it.

Frank, you sound strong and that's good because I'd hate for any of this to affect you to where it harms your restored marriage!

I do wish a moderator would step in.

P.S. Frank, make sure you read that Lorne Matthews story I posted in the "Success Story" thread. It's powerful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> God bless!

P.S. to Sufb, I don't wish to "waste my time" responding to the things you said. But you did say, "if you find this discussion distressful" (I think that'd qualify as one of those smokescreen comments Frank referred to considering I never said that and don't feel that way). I don't find the discussion distressful; I simply find you to be rude (towards Frank and now to myself as well with some of the things you said in your long post to me) and to say uncalled for things that seem to have no loving motive behind them.

LoveMyEx,
I read the Lorne Matthews story.. Praise God.. that is a GREAT one!!
YES... this whole SITE was about reconciliation!!! And personal growth....and growth in the Lord....
It's soooo different now....I saw it changing as my W and I got back together but.. WOW.... it NEEEDS more people like you!!

You remind me a little of LOSTVA... post post post... give give give.....
And... God blessed her marriage... I really feel he will bless yours too...
How are YOU by the way???? Anything happening??
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> That is really interesting that there were more success stories back when you first joined </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That might not have been a fair thing to say because I'm not here daily like back then...
I just remember a lot of "older" members coming back and re-telling their stories and giving advise.
Don't worry, I have a REALLY good feeling about your marriage...you have the faith in God... the kind unselfish heart... and I think your H would be a fool... to let someone like you get away.... you're a keeper!! He'll come out of the fog....With all your prayers and love.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Well..... I need some sleep.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Frank

Hi Lovingmyex,

originally posted by Lovingmyex:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really this whole board is about reconciliation??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really, this board is about "don't tell people
they should dump/divorce their ws.

I have only posted once on this thread and it was about agreeing with sufbd, and psycology.

I truly agree to not telling a couple to divorce.
That is their choice to make.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ladysheep has also accused me of being "manipulative" and that I sound "angry"
because I didn't agree w/ the things she said as being fully biblical. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That was just another manipulative statement you
made because that is not the reason I believe you are a manipulative one. The reason I feel you are, and have told you, is because you have taken everything I have said (which is very little), and you totally twisted it around. It
has nothing to do with disagreeing on scripture.

You have tried to make me look Anti-reconciliation, when all my posts and all I believe say different. Go back and read them.

As I will state again, I am happy for the ones that are reconcile, sad for the ones that aren't,
but not all get reconciled and there are reasons for that. I always hope that reconciliation can
happen, but I don't lead others to believe that
it is a guarantee to happen. And I don't tell people to get a divorce. In fact I don't believe God comes out and tells people to get a divorce also, but they make the choice themselves, and it is permitted under certain circumstances. For those that would choose to
reconcile is great!! As I have said before.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

please help, I asked you to not post to me, please respect that request. You might read the TOS as well, calling people satan is not allowed. And as long as you are on the subject, you might consider God admonmishes us to beware of those who seek mischief using his name. There is very little Christian in your aggressive hate-mongering of people you don't approve of, and that has to affect the impression you make on the thousands of potential readers of your posts. I can't stop you calling me names, and dmeaning my person, but I can observe it is not how Christians are supposed to witness, and surmise it turns many people off to your message. It is unclear if you are trying to witness, or are you trying to win an argument any way you can....but regardless.... stop harassing me.

<small>[ August 08, 2003, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

decided it'd be best for me to simply not engage in conversing with him.
Absolutely the best way to deal with it!

P.S. to Sufb, I don't wish to "waste my time" responding to the things you said.
DOH!

So close too...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LoveMyEx:
<strong>P.S. to Sufb, I don't wish to "waste my time" responding to the things you said. But you did say, "if you find this discussion distressful" (I think that'd qualify as one of those smokescreen comments Frank referred to considering I never said that and don't feel that way). I don't find the discussion distressful; I simply find you to be rude (towards Frank and now to myself as well with some of the things you said in your long post to me) and to say uncalled for things that seem to have no loving motive behind them.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">lovemyex, I thught you were done with this, as you said you didn't post some sort of (contentious I assume) response to me. Twisting peoples words, and assigning (without asking) motivations is manipulation..just cause one does so with nicer demeanor/words doesn't make it any more ok. It is not rude to disagree with people, and have intellectual discussions about those differences. It is rude to question motivations, call people you disagree with satan, suggest individuals should be run off a board, ridicule their use of language, misrepresent their support of marriage, etc. etc. You won't find me doing those kinds of things.

In this very post I said "IF" you find this disturbing (and that is a legitimate conclusion given the responses you have made to people you disagree with), you twisted that legitimate observation, and appropriate suggestion if so, into some sort of negative personal comment on my motivation (what the heck did you mean by calling it a smokescreen anyways). If you are unsure of why I said that, wouldn't the civil response be to ask me to clarify why I have that impression of you (if it concerns you at all). Further the majority of your comments to me have been personal (calling into account essentially my character), and not on topic, why is that? Isn't that rude on your part (taking an intellectual discussion which stands on its own merits, and making it a personal discussion about the individual)?

You do not have the obvious hypocritical/aggressive demanor of chronic Type A controllers (or their agenda), I just personally think you are confused and hurting.... and not able (or willing) at this time in your life to discuss volatile subjects without letting your emotions get in the way. To your credit, you have said you do not seek discussion, only support, so it puzzles me why you keep posting (or reading) to those who have a need to understand the why's of marital psychology/behaviour, and then get upset and complain about THEIR journey to healing. I rarely post anything uncivil, or rude, anywhere on line, I lost my need to "win" arguments long ago. You cannot by any impartial standard find anything rude in my comments on this thread, but even if you could, then IMO you are obligated to apply that same standard to ALL the posters, not just the ones you disagree with.

sufdb, signing off in exasperation...*sigh* having a "defensive" moment, not that I really have much hope it will do any good.

I vote for a board where disagreement and a full (and vigorous) examination of all things marital (including communication, temperament, and such)is expected, and those who cannot (or will not) engage in such are shown (politely of course) to the support board (which I think is a great idea too). Ya know, just cause someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you still aren't free to do whatever you want. It is so puzzleing why people take discussions (with completely annoymous people) and make it a personal thing about themself. I do wonder if this is what they do in their relationships as well, and why they are having trouble. I have learned many things in the last few years having joined (unfortuneately) the marital crisis community, but one thing that suprised me (although I understand why now) there are so many people who are totally focused on what they want, and really have little notion, or interest in what is good for their spouse. They push their agenda, and do very little to question why they do what they do.

<small>[ August 08, 2003, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

sufdb,


I didn't call YOU satan as Jesus didn't call Peter satan from the quote I used...
But... whatever.... I'll be more than glad to not post to you because as I said you are a diversion and you do bring out less than Christian thoughts from me and others.... as you intend to do..... Christians aren't perfect.. we're just like Hertz... we just TRY HARDER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You are the one that restarted this... I don't HATE you... we are just having a discussion remember? That's what you always call it...when you say hurtful things and crush people hope.....
And as I thought you would you skirted the issues about YOU...and settled on whatever you could to discredit me...

You can't stand people like me who will not kneel you your intellectual power can you... ones who see right through your barrage of words that twist and turn in every direction hiding your REAL purpose here....you'd rather people cower and stand in awe of your wisdom... sorry... not my style...

YET....WE STILL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOUR SITUATION DO WE??? YOU ARE SAFE ON YOUR PEDESTAL LOOKING DOWN ON US IN JUDGMENT....

They need rules here that if you don't share after a certain amount of time you can't play......but you would just hide in another member name anyway.... (might be about time again huh? ) lurking.....ready to pounce on any good here.....
Have a good life....and my God help you find your TRUTH.....so others here can concentrate on GOD'S will... not yours.........

when are you going to stop harassing me? And please do not offer me any phoney goodwill.

<small>[ August 08, 2003, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Christopher wrote:
"So close too..." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL, you crack me up ... BUT, although it was true as rain, it was a bit naughty you know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Signed,
666 (aka Jo) LOL

<small>[ August 08, 2003, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

My thread, I can do what I want!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Nyahh, naa, naa, naa, naa, na!

fyi - IT'S CHRIS, NOT CHRISTOPHER!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> C-H-R-I-S-T-O-P-H-E-R <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Previously posted by Lovingmyex,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I will tell you this, I am willing to remarry my husband even if he never loved me, even if he mistreats me, even if I have to sacrifice. Simply for the sake of the children, I am willing to remarry. And being kind to my husband regardless of how he might treat me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My opinion of this is....How sad to be willing to be martyred/mistreated in marriage. Sounds like a many Middle Eastern wife's life. They are some of the most depressed women on the face of the earth. I have lived around them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ladysheep:
<strong>Previously posted by Lovingmyex,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I will tell you this, I am willing to remarry my husband even if he never loved me, even if he mistreats me, even if I have to sacrifice. Simply for the sake of the children, I am willing to remarry. And being kind to my husband regardless of how he might treat me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My opinion of this is....How sad to be willing to be martyred/mistreated in marriage. Sounds like a many Middle Eastern wife's life. They are some of the most depressed women on the face of the earth. I have lived around them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would also like to add that you do a child no favors by staying in a marriage where you are mistreated. Very little hurts a child more or makes them feel more helpless, hopeless and angry than watching a parent being abused by the other parent.
Doing something like this is -not- for the benefit of the children.

previously posted by C H R I S!!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My thread, I can do what I want! Nyahh, naa, naa, naa, naa, na!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's C H R I S, not C H R I S T O P H E R!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ooooooppppps!!! Sorry "C H R I S", you can have total control of YOUR THREAD now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Some people have WAAAYYYYY too much time on their hands. Since I'm one of those, (for the time being):

How many angels can stand on the head of a pin?

a. Zero
b. An infinite number
c. This question makes no sense, because angels don't exist.
d. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or Buddhist angels?
e. Angels don't stand, they fly, you pin-head!

NOT-SO-SILENT-OBSERVER, I agree.

ooooopppppps!!!! Sorry again, C H R I S!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Doofus Dude:
Some people have WAAAYYYYY too much time on their hands. Since I'm one of those, (for the time being)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm, and some of us rationalize. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<enables flame retardent jacket and ducks>

<small>[ August 08, 2003, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

ladysheep,
That wasn't very nice to say about lovingMyex.... ...or ... LoveMyEx is that who you mean...
This is a desperate time and a VERY painful thing to go through.... people sometimes say things that they don't mean completely or DO mean for the moment...

BUT.... that statement is one of commitment and unselfish love for her children.... very commendable in my eyes....
Not quite the "Do what feels good no matter who gets hurt mentality of "the world"

More like the kind of Love Jesus had for us when he died for our sins....

GOD.... just may bless someone that committed to his word...even soften the heart of the abusive H....or in other ways in her life....

God CAN do anything... you know...!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 08, 2003, 02:26 PM: Message edited by: PLEASE HELP ]</small>