Lovemyex - there are plenty of people here that want genuine help. Please everyone help these people who are so desperately hurting. They are in such pain, and it hurts to hear their cries.
Now, you want to help the ones really wanting help. Please, you have such good insight, and knowledge. I was married to SNL. The marriage was not super, but it was going. As he stated here, he didn't love me at the altar. Then why did he have a child with me? I got pregnant on our honeymoon, which I guess meant nothing to him either. And then he proceeded to have 4 more pregnancies with me, with one pregnancy being a spontaneous abortion. Which I guess meant nothing to him either.
Getting back to always loving your ex. I believe in your heart that you do love your husband, and that willing with Gods words and help, any marriage could be resolved, and any divorce could turn to remarriage for the same two people. You are strong in Gods words, and I believe that God works miracles. Just like the thread with the wife praying, and her husband was turned over to God, and here he was thinking of killing his family. Powerful words.
In my case, my x did commit adultery. But he states here and to others, he didn't have sex with the OW but he knows deep in his heart that he had sex. The Bill Clinton thingy sex. And there was lust. Which in the bible states is sex in itself. My x did cause injury to my shoulder, which resulted in 3 tears of my rotator cuff and surgery. Which he won't accept responsibility for. The blame is always put on me. Part of the control and anger process.
There is one thing about controllers, is when they don't get people to see their way, or feel the way they do, they show great amounts of anger.
I believe that no one here is purposely saying critical remarks about anyone. Seems everyone is trying to get words out of their mouths that are being said as their versions. Now if all of us, could sit down at a round table and clarify, that would be great. But on little boards with keys, it is hard. Also, emotions express more depth than words.
I know in my heart that I still love my x also. But I don't like who he has become, with his lies, cheating, and not acknowedging his affair, adultery, sex, and physical/mental abuse to me. The denial could be, cause he is scared to admit his failure. Which I believe to be true. For I had to file for divorce, cause as the Harleys told me, SNL was too scared to do it, for he would be labeled as the bad person. And he has committed quite a few sins already. Also, there is a reason for people to discard others feelings and hurt them with words. The biggest fear is self-esteem. I know that my x has low self-esteem as we speak, and that is something that he has to overcome. I as well have low self-esteem, for my X choose a bimbo, who lowered herself below scum. Having an affair with the preacher of her church.
I pray for him nightly, and he is in prayer at my church. Which I have asked him to come, but SNL states to me that he doesn't want to go. Probably cause I attend, and he doesn't want anything to do with me. God wants SNL back, and I can say, cause he is my husband, that there are many people who say he is taken by Satan.
Divorce destroys a family into shreds. The evidence is quite strong in our family, with pieces dangling here and there. My youngest son has gone from A & B's in school to C & D's in school. He has little desire to excell. He just wants out of school. And wants to live by himself. My two middle kids, are off to live in an apartment this year at college together. They are 1 year apart in age, and both are seniors this year at college. They both hate the divorce, and of course, SNL has painted a picture of his liking to his kids. I tell the kids their father is a good father, and that there are a lot of issues with divorce. I tell them to love their dad, and pray for him. Of course not a one goes to church, doesn't believe in church. Just like their dad, don't believe in church. I go, and hopefully one of them will see the purpose of fellowship with my 2nd family.
Divorce, rips kids apart. Tears their self-esteem down, and destroys any resemblence of family and stabalization. My kids have seen it all, and still see it. SNL can take the kids on a vacation in a few weeks. Here I sit with no moeny at all, no childsupport, or alimony. And he can go for 2 weeks gone with the kids, spending money, and having a good time. While I am wondering where I can make ends meet. Makes sense to the betrayer, but not the betrayed. But that is part of the divorce, one side of the divorce gets all, while the other tries to fight for life.
I tell the kids the way it is. And the words that SNL has pressed on the kids that I should get a loan on this house to pay bills, has stopped. Finally I seeked legal advice, and that was one thing the lawyer said NOT to do, especially in my situation. Where I have a physical injury caused by SNL, and I have no idea when I will beable to work parttime. I have no income. Lawyer said, you are getting deeper and deeper, and it is going to be tough as it is. So, I told SNL to stop the criticizing words he states to the kids about me, and they have stopped. I talked to the kids and told them that the legal advice I received, and guess what, it stopped. No more telling me to get a loan on this house. Something in me said this is not right, but I did the right thing and sought legal advice. SNL has not been thoughtful and caring. As he stated eariler when he was SNL, Lurking about and now. That he would take care of me financially and emotionally. Well, I was told by a lawyer that is all words, he said actions will tell yout he truth. The truth came out and it is ugly.
But I still am praying for my husband. I am praying for him to seek God into his heart. I am praying for him to be compassionate, and thoughtful to me. Yes, it hurts, to see him buy things, anything he wants, and go on a trip without me. Yes, he is taking the kids, my kids, and I can't even go to cedar point with the kids. Fair, nope, but divorce is not fair. The betrayed gets burned, and it continues on for years.
I am a fair person, and that was the way I was raised. I gave this man my life, my body, and my time. I worked for him for all these years and no paycheck. Now I have nothing to show for all these years. But I know that God will help me. And God will help husband when he opens up his heart.
Please, everyone stay on the boards. There are many new people here who want help and are searching for the magic wand. This belittling of others is destroying the need to help the newbies.
