I'm in Ontario, Canada. And the law here, requires a full one year separation before you can be divorced. For me, that means November 24, 2003.

I'm curious to know how long anywhere else must wait. Will you share? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll disclose my reasons for asking this at a future time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

Topie - Hey in Massachusetts which is a no fault state - there is no waiting period - you file - you get a court date - you are declared divorced then - it is final in thirty days from that date - but there is a 90 day - waiting period - (in case you change your mind) until the divorce is absolute - then you can remarry if you like ---Wow a whole year that is a long time... But the way time flies - November will be here before you know it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here in the great wheat state of oz, KANSAS, the divorce is granted 60 days after filing in a typical case. Now I recently heard about a case where the couple was in agreement on everything and somehow got it fast tracked and was divorced in 2 weeks.

To me the biggest negative about the short time frame is that it doesn't allow time to resolve all the issues prior to the divorce. My divorce was filed in May, final in July, but it took another 2 months to hash out all the details.

Any state you live in, in the US you have to be a legal resident. This means you have to live there a certain number of days, depending on the state, to file for divorce.
In Texas you have a minimum time requirment of 60 days. In the perfect divorce world it can work. If you have children it will take longer.
You would have to get permission to leave your country with your children, even if it was temporarily. If you didn't you could be charged with kidnapping.
My best advise is to ask a lawyer. We don't know all of your information. Any advice on this sight could be incorrect due to this.
Good luck.

Aly

My reasons for asking, is that of a "dating" nature. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There are so many threads about dating, and many of them I've read. But one of the most common suggestions for seasoned MBers, is that we should not date until the D is final. Well... in my case, that's not until November, b/c of Ontario laws. I agree, that it seems a bit long. But that's just the way it is here.

You see... I am going on a lunch date tomorrow afternoon. And I have another date lined up for one day next week... just for coffee (yes, 2 different men). Going by the "wait until you're D'd" suggestion (which I do agree with for the most part) would mean I'd not be able to date until December sometime. Why should I wait?

There is NO chance at ever going back into recovery with my stbxH. Hopefully by next week, I'll be able to share more on GQII in an update... but right now, I cannot.

maw64, LostHusband, and Aly.... thank you for sharing your thoughts and information. I appreciate that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

Well then I would look at the issue from two different angles:

1. Religious &#8211; Don&#8217;t know if you are or not but that is one reason to wait.

2. Personal Mental Health &#8211; Personally I didn&#8217;t date for over a year and a half, it wasn&#8217;t until that point that I felt that I was emotionally healed. I figured if I did anything before that then my judgment would be clouded and I&#8217;d be more likely to do something I&#8217;d regret in the morning. Then I only went out a couple real casual dates and honestly lost the lust of having a woman in my life at this time. In less than two weeks it will be two years since I&#8217;ve been intimate and quite frankly that doesn&#8217;t bother me.

Oh... these are just casual dates too. I have absolutely NO INTEREST in anything long term... and both of the men are more than aware of that.

I just need the time out again. Yes, there are all sorts of things I could do on my own... but the fact is, I don't want to.

As far as being sexually intimate... I am so turned off by that in my life right now, it's almost scary. I suspect it will be another year or more before I'm comfortable that way again. I thank my H for that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . There are some visual images that have arisen recently that pay a HUGE part in my feelings about sex right now. Again... I can explain more at a later time; hopefully next week.

Thanks for your thoughts LostHusband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Religiously speaking, I'm not so sure I feel that strongly about it. Then again... we'll see how my "guilt" levels do after tomorrow's lunch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have done an awful lot of healing in regards to my M and its falling apart. I am fortunate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> that I had the opportunity at recovery, so that alone, has given me the chance to know for a fact, that I did everything I could do to save my M. It was awesome closure.

The basis of my original question was the whole dating after a D thing. I personally feel that for those of us who have been avid MBers, and have taken the concepts to improve ourselves and our lives; we have advanced closure when it comes to a D than the everyday person. So by the time we D, we could very well be ready to date. So... if you can D after only a few months in some areas... then why not date after that time frame even when you have to wait it out for the D? (such as in my situation). I could be rationalizing here... if so... then by all means... someone give me a swift MB 2x4 kick in the butt. I can take it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

I am not sure I understand NY laws but I know that if one party does not prove grounds, you have to be separated for a year then you can file for divorce without any grounds. I personally do not think any divorce should be quick. It is a huge life change that takes so much working through step by step.

About the dating, I struggle with the whole thing too (not that I have to deal with it---no dates in sight) but one thing someone said in the dating threads keeps coming up in my mind. If a BS is not divorced yet, they are doing what the WS did (date while married). I guess the question for me is am I ready to date? Would I be able to focus on the date without bringing WS into it? Am I over WS and KNOW that it is all over? Sounds like I am no way ready to date.

Topie, pray that God will show you what is best and when you are on the dates, you will realize what you need to.

TW

I live in Hawaii, and it's extremely quick and easy here. No fault divorce, do-it-yourself paperwork that can be handwritten. You must live here for 90 days in order to start the process. If you fast track it, it can be done in just a couple weeks. We did not make a particular effort to fast track... first paper filed 6/30 and I expect everything to be final this week.

I'm not a lawyer but am going through a separation in Ontario, Canada. There are some websites that provide basic information on divorce rules in Ontario. I understand divorce is permissable if there has been a "marriage breakdown" defined as living separate and apart for one year or more, OR as one spouse committing adultery OR physical or mental cruelty. So as I understand it the basic rule is one year but not necessarily. There may be a Law Society of Upper Canada publication or recorded phone line that gives basic information as well, but www.familylawcentre.com is what I initially found and looked at.

Karen, I definitely empathize. In CA, a DV can be final 6 months after filing. My problem isn't the legal waiting period - in fact, I filed 7/01, two years ago - but my S(as in SOMEDAY definitely not SOON)TBXH is dragging it out, not working, claiming to be totally disabled, and indulging his addictions, while letting me support him by running our business alone.

I started dating almost a year ago, that is, over a year after filing for DV, and 20 months after my H moved out to live with OW. I've had over a year of NC, thanks to a 3-year restraining order.

Today my H failed to appear at a pre-trial hearing on charges of violating the restraining order over a year ago. The court clerk said that "warrants were requested." I've been subpoenaed to testify against him in two weeks. My lawyer wants to have my H appear in a deposition to establish the date of separation and then we'll have to go to court on that. After that's established, the forensic accountants will have to determine the value of our business both now and at separation and we'll have to go to court to fight over which value to use. Then thers the piece of property we bought to expand the business on which the balloon payment came due in February and I'm still making the monthly payments anyway to hold it until the settlement so that I can buy it, if the owners still agree...

I could go on with the snarled up mess, but I think you get the picture (thank God we don't have kids). The point is, I don't see the divorce being final any time soon. November looks good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> to me!

The religious reasons don't hold me to wait, especially given the infidelity, the lack of interest of either party to reconcile, the drug addiction, and the abuse. The mental health considerations are real and my marital status and the emotional energy still tied up in my marriage have impacted my relationship. But, I'm still in IC and attend lots of Al-Anon meetings.

I doubt I'll ever totally "get over" the ~20 years I spent with my STBX. Hopefully, I've learned enough so that I'll never have to repeat the codependency, abuse, dishonesty, and the infidelity, and I'll still be able to appreciate the good things about my H and our M.