I posted this over on the GQ II board. But I also would like to hear from some of you here that may have been through this.

Today I received a response from my wife’s attorney to my divorce complaint. It was about what I probably should have expected, but it still upset me greatly.

I had originally filed on two counts, adultery and extreme cruelty. The first count was broken up into eight separate paragraphs. Not surprisingly, the two paragraphs that dealt with the specific adultery were denied in the response. This really hits in the gut because she had admitted this to me over two years ago. To think that my dear wife could actually lie on a legal document just astounds me.

I know that many would say to just let it go, save your money and get over it. If we were without children, I would most likely go that route. But the problem is that she has snowballed our youngest daughter (soon to be 12) into believing that this other woman is nothing more than her best friend. When I made a brief unsuccessful attempt at Plan B two years ago, I had informed both of my daughters of my wife’s relationship with this other woman. Ever since that time, she has done as much damage control as possible to smooth things over. My oldest daughter (17) has always been smart enough to deal with this and to this day wants nothing to do with the OW. But my youngest, more impressionable, daughter has given in to my wife’s shenanigans. There have been several occasions where my wife has taken her to see this OW, without my knowledge, and over time she has regained some measure of trust with her. This has been extremely demeaning in my relationship with my youngest. On that fateful day two months ago when I told both daughters I was filing for divorce, she flatly informed me that she would continue seeing this OW as often as she wanted and that she didn’t care if I filed a restraining order against the OW. I was dumfounded. I never demanded that she not see this OW even though it made my skin crawl. I wonder where she got the idea of a restraining order?

I guess what I’m looking for here is some support to tell me I’m justified in pursuing the adultery count. I want my kids to know the truth. I do have a certain measure of proof in the fact that both my wife and this OW also admitted their affair to the OW’s husband. We haven’t talked in a while, but I believe he would readily back me up. Although he hasn’t done anything for himself legally yet, I would offer to do the same for him in return.

Steve Harley had urged me to go after the adultery and extreme cruelty counts in addition to seeking full custody of the kids. I didn’t want to argue on the custody issue, mainly because the kids have been alternating weeks between our two homes (both in the same town) and my lawyer said that any judge would likely stick with this arrangement because it has worked for so long. I also wanted to leave the door open to some type of reconciliation. Now I’m left wondering whether I did the right thing.

So, what do you say here? Should I go for it all here or get it over as easy as possible and save the $$$ that could go to my daughters education? According to my attorney, I can petition the court for ordering psychological evaluations for all (including the OW if she wants to continue seeing my daughter) and that costs big, big bucks…

Always Hopeful, I am saddened for you and all that are caught in this emotional rollercoaster. I have been battling for 9 months, WW, A w/ BF, pregnancy, abortion, continued contact, 3 false recoveries, I on meds, 2 times in Hosp. lost 5 weeks work, and then all the emotional turmoil. Three kids caught in the turmoil, 10, 13, 17...Recently, WW got herself arrested and is under NC w/ me and 3rd party visit w/ kids...filed for D on 7/22....asked for all but my soul....No mention of how or why we got to this point...ie the A....I have read, in counseling, etc to make this work and was betrayed continually....As much as it hurt to get the D papers w/ no mention of Adultery, it was an awakening for me...After 9 months of like you being hopeful and prayerful, the selfishness and disregard of my WW is apparent...so for me and perhaps for you, I am now in this to Win....I do not mean Win as in veangeful,but Win as in let the truth be known and the course of consequences take place...I am now focused on me and my 3 children...One of us has to be strong and responsible...will it cost $$$$, sure...but there are costs incurred already since D'day and there will continue to be costs....I nor my family asked for this and I as well as my family provided every opportunity to reconcile and end this nightmare....For me, to roll over and not stand strong as my son (17) has asked me to do would be further insult to my self respect and example to my children...Again, I am not professing this as vindictive...in fact, I am in christian counseling and discuss all of my concerns w/ my IC...the response is positive w/ scriptural backing and for the first time in many months, I feel good because I stood up for myself....it is painful, scary and least of all frustrating...I do not know what the future hold, but I have a strange peace about it...My WW has continued on a downward spiral and I tend to beleive this will continue...I am not angry anymore, just saddened and concerned for her decision to be deceived at the expense of her family...Not sure if this helps, but I offer what I have...God Bless..