My H and I have been married for 12 years and have been separated (for the second time) for 6 months now. I served him D papers about a month ago and have regretted it since. I've done everything humanly possible to try and let him know that I don't want our marriage to end (we have 5 children). But his heart is hard and he says he is not interested in trying to salvage our marriage. Ours was a life filled with "miscommunication". No affairs, abuse, alcohol, drugs or anything like that. Years of not respecting each other and ships passing in the night.

It took it's toll on me, and I was extremely frustrated at his non-communicative behavior. We met again tonight to "talk" and it ended up not good. He just wants out and to be done.

My question is this. We both have attorneys and are in the beginning stages of the D process. Can I "pull the plug" so to speak and tell my attorney that I am withdrawing and that I do not want a D or to move forward with the process since I was the one who initiated the filing? Would my H then have to re-serve me papers if he wanted to continue the process? Wondering if anyone knows or has been through a similar situation.

Honestly, I don't know why I would even want to be in relationship with someone who is unwilling to work on the marriage. But I am a christian and know what God says about divorce. I feel as if I started this whole thing and now I should end it by withdrawing the papers and then letting H do the "serving" of papers if that is the path he wants to continue on. I think he is extremely confused and hurt, holds on to the past, etc., and is afraid to put his heart into trying again.

Sorry this got so long. Thanks for any suggestions or support you may have for me. I am devasted and feel utterly rejected.

Oops!

<small>[ July 31, 2003, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Nearly a year after my x filed for a divorce, over 6 months after he moved out, and for our 18th anniversary, my x's attorney sent my attorney an 'Order of Reconciliation'. This effectively dismissed his petition for a divorce.

He did not have the decency to sign it before it was sent over (his attorney signed it instead). To this day, I have no idea why he did this. He never tried to work on the marriage though I would have done almost anything to save it.

(By the way, I did not sign the order of reconciliation until it went back to h's attorney for h to sign. I signed it only AFTER he did.)

So, yes, in some states this can be done. Please, though, talk to your h before you do it. My x never talked to me about his plans. I found out about them from unusual sources.

If you want to work to save your marriage, this site is an excellent resource.

auntielala,
I also file for divorce too. I also had regrets in the begining.

My WH also filed for divorce too. He filed one day when we had a huge fight. I think he regreted it also because a few weeks later I recieved a letter in the mail from the county that the divorce had been dismissed by his request.

To this day I really don't know why. I never asked him.

I on the other hand, stuck to my guns. He hasn't changed, he's still living with the OW. And even though he says he wants to work it out, hasn't proved anything. Actions speak louder than words and his actions prove that he doesn't want to work on the marriage.

So to your question, yes you can let your attorney know that you've changed your mind. You just have to speak up. And yes your H would have to file and he would have to serve you if he wants the divorce.