TO Member RESILIANT: THANK YOU,THANK YOU!!

Your quote to 600 miles away:
So 600, your response to Not Guilty compels me to ask you, are you here to marriage build? Do you want to recover your marriage and build a strong union with your husband again so you DON'T have to seek out other women's husband's as "intimate friends" who share intimate feelings that only husbands and wives should be sharing?

And, I just have to ask, if you and your husband have such a tight trusting bond, as you state up above, why then is it necessary to share intimate feelings with another male instead of YOUR OWN husband?

I just spoke to her H on the phone and he is in agreement that this is not helping either one of the marriages.

Sure thing, NotGuilty. Happy to oblige.

Can't stand by while someone spews unsubstantiated CRAP without understanding the MB Principals.

She (600 Miles Away [Mow]) is obviously not getting her needs met in her marriage, hence her "intimate" friendship with your husband. It's painfully clear from reading her post.

Best,
Jo

<small>[ August 01, 2003, 10:48 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

I am the subject of this quarreling. NotGuilty finally informed me yesterday that she has been involved in an affair with her boss. They saw each other 3 days a week for months. They worked together and spent afterwork hours together. (And drank together, even though she would like to portray me as having an addiction" All "600 miles away" did was have eyes and ears and advice to a friend over the computer. After I filed for Divorce and Seperated. I refered "600" and her husband to this site. I didn't expect Notguilty to try to cause all of this havoc. But she is because she "just got caught."

This is not true. I DID NOT HAVE an affair nor was I caught.This is what transpired for him to say I admitted to the affair:

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> " H You left me a message on my cell phone that stated the following "I spoke with OW, OM wife, and she told me that OM told her everything. Quote "You two went and played pool and drank some beer and something about dinner" end quote. You said nothing else on the message. I called you and said well I'm I was glad that was out. You then said, "yea since we are in the marriage, I prayed for that". I have to go someone is calling.

"Now, you are coming up with "I confessed to you that I had an affair and had sex with him." This is absurd! I never, never, confessed that to you and you know it.

This is a prime example of the way you manipulate things around to get answers that "you" want to hear. That type of manipulation is why I do not ever confide in you my inner feelings or thoughts. You twist, turn, flip and rip apart any thing I say or do, for that matter, no matter what it is, then you "pick up and call" or "run and tell" like a little girl or old gossipy lady that you FINALLY got the answer.

The things you present to me like the frozen food on my receipt, the run in my panty hose, me not being at the Salvation Army when I said I was, on and on and on. What else on earth can you possibly conger up to accuse me of or claim I did or didn't do? Here is one: implicating your own friend Dn Smth. He will too find that ABSURD. You attempt to drag, convince, manipulate anybody you have any contact with into your alcohol induced brain and world. Some people it works on, but the ones who's minds and action are not beer driven or beer fried, find this "CRAZY". Have your friends or even your family, ever asked you what you say about them when they are not around? You gossip and bad mouth every one to them, are they not smart enough to know you do that behind their backs?

You are so h@ll bent on bad mouthing me and the trying to prove and back up your accusations about me and me being unfaithful, that you have had to twist, add to, eliminate, and add words to our conversations I have with you, so you can finally have peace within your mind that is what I really "meant" to say. Your need to tell your eager buddies and so called friends " Hey I was right".

YOUR DREAMED UPAFFAIR BETWEEN OM AND I DID NOT HAPPEN!!!!!!

NG and BH,

It is obvious that your relationship is in crisis and you need to communicate with each other. However, this board is not an appropriate outlet for this.

Nobody here wants to take sides; we just care. Please consider immediate crisis counseling and do return and let us know how you both are doing.

Magnolia

Notguilty and Betrayed Husband,

You two should not be airing these things publically on the internet. It will only make things worse and more bitter.

I encourage you to do several things: forgive each other, repent of your sins (both of you), seek the Lord humbly on your face and ask him to help you, and obey the Lord. You need to restore your marriage as well because divorce solves NOTHING and is not a solution to anything. Divorce is indicative that there is a much deeper heart problem-- a spiritual one in which the heart is not right with God.

Notguilty, I would encourage you to not slander your husband in any way to any person! You hurt him when you do this. I would not talk about any of his wrongdoings with others except God or a really godly woman who is supportive of your marriage (and even then, speak with discretion). God will not honor any person who gossips, slanders, or can't control their tongue. The tongue can do great damage. Also, you need to stop seeing your boss, period. God will not honor or bless an adulterous relationship.

BetrayedHusband, you need to not share your marital problems with any woman, even if it is just a friendship, simply out of love and respect for your wife. Even if you feel you have done no wrong, you need to be going to God not to women. You are too vulnerable right now anyways and it could be tempting. But obviuosly, it has upset your wife and even if you feel she is wrong to be upset, you need to respect her feelings.

Both of you, again, need to forgive each other and need to put each other first and start loving each other the way God wants you to! Divorce is not God's will. Staying in a marriage and committing it to God, despite past pain, abuse, and betrayal, is right because if you BOTH can agree to surrender yourselves and your marriages to God, He can heal and give you an amazing testimony of a restored marriage.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave? One of divorce in which you are both bitter, angry, and hate each other or one of the power of forgiveness and God's love in which because you trusted Him and surrendered to Him, He healed and restored your marriage? He can do that! Nothing is too difficult for Him.

You BOTH need to stop accusing each other and stop defending your own selves. You need to LOVE each other, forgive, humble yourselves, seek the Lord.

I hope and pray you will read this and that God will speak to you BOTH and heal your marriage! I want to meet you someday in heaven and hear of the awesome legacy of marriage you have left your children and grandchildren who will say, "Yah, mom and dad/grandma and grandpa fought for their marriage despite serious problems, and God healed them."

God bless you both. Get on your knees and pray. Quiet yourselfs before the Lord and stop revealing each other's wrongdoings to others. Stop your adulterous relationships and keep your marriage vows! God will not honor the breaking of your marriage covenant. Go to church, repent of your sins, and forgive each other becasue you are BOTH sinners (just like me) and you both have done wrong and you both need to repent and forgive. So do it!!!

I really, really hope you will. Don't leave a legacy of divorce and affairs. It is NOT WORTH IT!!!

Both of you: read this:

It is from a marriage reconciliation website (www.restorem.org):

"The Testimony of How God Restored Our Marriage"

We would like to share the testimony of the restoration of our marriage since the Bible says in Revelation 12:10-11, "Now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, who accuses them before our God day and night. And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even to death."

Our marriage was dead but by His shed blood it was made alive. It is our hope and prayer that our testimony will help you or someone you know to overcome the evil one. We give God all the glory for what He has done in our lives.

In January of 1989, I left Erin for another woman. However, the Lord gave Erin the heart and endurance to stand for our marriage. It was during this fiery trial that Erin became a new woman. She studied the Bible concerning marriage and began to apply the principles in her life. Like the three youths who were thrown into the fiery furnace, Erin too became "loosed" of things in her life that had her "bound." She also found herself walking with another, her precious Lord. (See Daniel 3:25.)

Everyone, even the most respected pastors in our city, told Erin that it was hopeless to fight against my desire to leave her and be with another woman. But Erin found in God's Word that "nothing is impossible with God!" (Luke 1:37) It was during this time that she founded Restore Ministries to help those who also wanted their marriages restored. She began by sharing with each of them the Scriptures the Lord had shown her. Soon there were too many women to help individually, so she began to type out the Bible references. Some of the women who came had never held a Bible in their hands, so Erin began to type out entire verses and then make copies to minister to the these hurting and abandoned women.

However, the more she helped other women, the worse her situation became. The fiery furnace was turned up when I divorced Erin in October of 1990. However, the Lord gave Erin the peace she needed to not fight or contest the divorce, but to trust in her Lord. Undaunted, Erin continued to minister to other women by sharing the Word of God. She told the Lord that if He would restore her marriage to the man she loved, me, she would devote her life to helping women in marriage crises. That's when Erin put together a workbook for women - A Wise Woman Builds Her House: By A FOOL Who Tore Hers Down with Her Own Hands.

Our marriage was miraculously restored due, in part, to Erin's obedience to not obtain an attorney. God delivered me when it was discovered that even though the judge had granted the divorce on October 30, the papers that had been filed by my attorney were in error and the divorce had to be overturned. This, to me, was the first sign from God that He would "somehow" deliver me from the cords that had me bound to the adulteress.

Had Erin had an attorney, the divorce would not have been overturned. However, I was unaware that Erin had dreamt of a big wedding from the day the Lord told her that the divorce would go through until the day of God's mighty deliverance (7 weeks and one day after the judge granted the divorce)!

Erin, who had "hoped against all hope" (Rom. 4:18), received her miracle on January 29, 1991 at 11:10 p.m. when I returned home to her and our four children. This was after adultery, and after divorce, just over two years after I had left her.