I would like some advise on family violence.<P>I have been married for 2 years and sometimes feel physically threatened by my husband when we argue. He has threatened to : "throw me out of the window" and to "shove the phone down my throat". He also comes very close to me when we are engaged in an arguement and points his finger in my face saying "you don't know what I am capable of". When we have made up, I have approached him about this and let him know my feelings. He always says that he is "just exaggerating" and that it is because of my family backround that I am so "paranoid" (my father was abusive). I have been in several relationships in the past and have never felt threatened until now. Am I being overly paranoid?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(He)points his finger in my face saying "you don't<BR> know what I am capable of".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes, you do. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He<BR> has threatened to : "throw me out of the window" and to "shove the phone down my throat". <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He always says that he is "just exaggerating" and that it is because of my family backround that I am<BR> so "paranoid" (my father was abusive). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>And then you ask: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Am I being overly paranoid?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B>No.</B><P>You have to give your husband credit, at least he is warning you of what he intends to do. <P>Let me be as clear as I can manage. <P><BR><B>Get out <I>now</I></B> while you are still alive. <P>This is a textbook description of an abusive relationship at its beginning. He is testing you to see what you are willing to tolerate. This is probably not conscious on his part, but the violence will continue to escalate until you stop it. <P>Threats, then minimizing what was said, then more threats, then more minimizing, then actual violence. Then a honeymoon period in which he is sorry, or (again) tries to convince you that it wasn't so bad. Then threats again. <P>If you don't already have children or pets, he will suggest it in the next year or so to make it harder for you to leave him. <P>I repeat - GET OUT!!!!!<P>

I would have to agree with rs on this one.<BR>I was married to a physically abusive man for many years. I knew in my gut, I just had these feelings, and I didn't listen. My paranoia became reality and it was hard to get out, we did have a child, I hadn't worked at his request for a few years.<BR>It all started with yelling and screaming and threats, then a push here and there, then a slap here and there, then a punch here and there and just kept escalating.<BR>I knew the very first time he got "in" my face with his finger barely brushing my face, I just knew, that it would get worse but I staayed. He was great at apologizing and after all, I did love him and thought he loved me so why wouldn't I believe him when he said it wouldn't happen again? But it always did.<BR>The mind games were the worse, oh I was over reacting, it wasn't that bad, it didn't happen that way, and so on. I actually got to the point I was second geussing my mind, my memory of what just occurred a second ago. I was loosing my mind and he was always threatening to have me committed for making up such stories of abuse that never occured. And rape, well how can you rape your wife? Throwing me down on the floor and forcing me, well, he thought I liked it rough or was just playing hard to get.<BR>That's just what happened in my marriage, but it should give you an idea of what you could end up like. <BR>TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS ALWAYS.<BR>If you're feeling scared you probably have good reason to be and I would be careful and think twice about staying but if you do stay, get him into a batterers therapy group. It didn't work for my X-H but it has had some successes and your H could be one of those who does succeed at regaining control of his anger.<BR>Protect yourself first though.

Dittos to the above....move QUICKLY!<BR>Not tomorrow, NOW!

I thank all of you for your replies. I have scheduled an appointment with a domestic violence counsellor. To be honest, I do not believe that I am in immediate danger (we argue once or twice a year). But I will heed your advise and make an exit plan!<P>I really appreciate this board and all of the members. I have posted messages relating to other areas of my relationship with my H and the response was overwhelming.<P>Thank you RS0522, Shedawg & FreddyB <BR>

Anything you feel you are entitled to.<BR>The fact that you believe his interpretation is scary.<BR>I am scared for you.<P>I was there.<BR>The abusive i suffered was crippling.<BR>I got out.<BR>But when we separated we started to date and he did infact attack me then.<BR>I charged him and he did mandatory counselling.<BR>Even though i feel he manipulated the system,<BR>in his heart he knows, and i feel for him because he is too scared to let me help.<P>I firmly believe he has control issues.<BR>Please watch your back