Hi ALL...
Saw this web site buried in a post... check this out for Success Stories!! PRAISE GOD!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> HE IS SO POWERFULL!!!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

http://www.restorem.org/cgi-bin/index.cgi?page=more_restored_marriages
GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS

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<small>[ August 08, 2003, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</small>

Frank, can you also share your story? I would like to hear more.

I will share several stories soon, but it is late now.

I'm glad you started this post. There is nothing more powerful than a testimony that shows the power of God!

God bless!

HI LoveMyEx,
I think many people here already know my story.. but I will share it for the ones that don't... Let me say up front..ALL THE GLORY TO GOD.... HE IS SO GOOD TO US!! He truly worked a miracle in our Marriage... WE WENT FROM OUR DIVORCE TO HER MARRIAGE TO OM...... TO BEING RE-MARRIED ON OUR WA TWO YEARS LATER.....well.... here goes.... IT'S LONG...

My W and I were buying a condo back in 97 and the realtor had an unknown agenda that neither my Wife and I saw towards my W..

He held up the paper work on purpose for 2-3 weeks because he knew we would have to stay in a hotel (which we couldn't afford) and it would cause us to fight.... he then started his attack on our Marriage... and became the OM...after being a "friend" and having my W work in his Real Estate Office.....

OM was 61 I was 45 my Wife was 48...we were married about 14 yrs
She felt young around OM and he started to fill the needs she had that I didn't fill...

It is really Soooooo easy for the OP to do this all they have to do is listen.... something we as spouses don't do after a while...

So, my W felt I didn't love her and OM paid all sorts of attention to her fingernails and noticed when she got her hair done... etc... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I was working crazy hours AND starting a business at the same time. Sleeping 4 hours a day.. I didn't notice much of ANYTHING....

But after a while... I DID notice that he would call her and beep her all the time...
I thought... this old man CAN'T be after MY W.... and even if he was.... MY W would NEVER choose him over me....

But... NOW I know that it's ALL about NEEDS and one more thing....

Even though were both Christians...... we hadn't been to Church for almost 3 years....just enough time for satan to send this OM and without a GOOD HEALTHY CHRISTIAN example to follow..... I was a terrible husband.... and my W... fell into satan's hands...

I'm trying to NOT make this too long... but it WAS over a LONG period of time....

When DD came.... I was VERY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ANGRY and.... I threw her out.... changed the locks. That night.... W and OM (oddly enough...) moved into the VERY hotel that my Wife and I argued in years before!!

I was filled with hate for both W and OM

HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME!!!!!

Then God led me here to MB,..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BOY.... what a blessing...!!!

I learned about her most important needs and how I hadn't came even CLOSE to filling them....

I LEARNED WHAT I DID TO ALLOW MY W TO BE WEAK ENOUGH FOR AN AFFAIR TO DEVELOP....and for satan to move in on our Marriage...

WHEN I LEARNED THESE THINGS.... THE HATE WENT AWAY.... I only felt LOVE (well... except for OM of course) and wanted to have a chance to be the Husband I could be now...

Well...... not so easy... OM had built a pretty good wall around her heart for me.... MY WIFE HATED ME.... BLAMED ME FOR EVERTHING THAT EVER WENT WRONG IN HER LIFE.... and of course.... OM was her...... "yuck" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> SOUL MATE.....

We at least became friends again.. and when our Grandson was born.... we spent some good time together (OM WAS SOOOO MAD!! can you believe it!!)

BUT..every time my W and I got anywhere in talking about reconciliation.... OM jumped in and SCARED her back.... called me a phony..... reminded her of how unhappy she was until HE came along... etc....

Well...... as much as I Prayed and Prayed and did what I think was a near flawless PLAN "A".... we divorced....

BUT EVEN THE DAY WE DIVORCED..... GOD WAS WORKING FOR US... (we just didn't know it YET!!!)

All the other couples were across the room from each other, separated by the their lawyers.. WE were in the back talking and even laughing at how silly the whole system is....

So, now OUR turn...... The Judge asked my W if there was any hope of reconciliation...her lawyer answered "NO"
The Judge said... "I WAS TALKING TO MRS......." "Now Mrs........... IS THERE ANY HOPE OF RECONCILIATION?" W answered "No"

She (the Judge) looked up over her glasses and said again... Mrs......... IS THERE ANY HOPE WHATSOEVER OF RECONCILIATION??"

W hesitated for a LONG time.... but said... VERY weakly "no..."

The Judge.... HER NAME WAS JUDGE LOVE!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!! JUDGE LOVE!! SHE WAS A VERY WISE WOMAN... SHE SENSED SOMETHING!!!! anyway.... she had to grant the divorce....
I walked W to her car and kissed her goodbye and said I just want to tell you I have ONE REGRET....... she tensed up... I told her from my heart that I wished that she could see the person inside her I SAW....

She cried and drove away....

SHE MARRIED OM ONE WEEK LATER..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

W and OM had been COUNSELING WITH A MINISTER FROM OUR CHURCH (Different congregation) TO BE MARRIED BEFORE WE WERE EVEN DIVORCED!!

They simple LIED to the minister (or of course he wouldn't have married them) about W's marital status!!

This was the saddest part.... our children (my stepchildren that we raised from 10 + 12 yrs old) ...both just married in the last year..... had to go to this wedding... NEVER KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT IT UNTIL A MONTH BEFORE!! They were just "FRIENDS" according to W and OM....
The poor kids didn't know if they should go because of me...what a spot this put them in....and after 14 years they trusted marriage enough to marry.... we send such a terrible message.....sad.....

I thought about crashing the wedding.,.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> you know... during the "If anyone has just cause why these two....." BUT... I had put our Marriage in God's hands long before....

The week of the wedding our dog (which we bought on our honeymoon 15 years earlier needed to be put down...) I never called W because.... well.... I figured she was on her honeymoon (YUCK...) W called all upset that I didn't call her........ then....... I didn't hear from W for 56 days... it was only bearable because I had God in my life and because I gave it to him... I began to get more involved at Church even teaching the little ones..... the love I received from the kids just filled my heart.... love sent from God through little children.... PURE 100% high octane LOVE!!

Then a funny thing happened about 3 months after the wedding..... W started calling and talking about our grandson.... the weather..... our loss of our dog.... almost ANYTHING....she could think of....

I would cherish the calls but I NEVER told her I loved her.... asked anything personal.... just talked....and then the calls became a DAILY THING!!

I finally had to tell her that this was wrong, she was married (although her wedding was, like the affair built on lies and deceit and a joke to me) W said that OM knew and that we needed to get along for the kids and our new Grandson...

So... I thought... OK.... BOY....I read that wrong!! W then said it was important that our GS knew us TOGETHER?????? HUH? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
We took him places two or three times a week....TOGETHER.....

OM knew... but of course he didn't like it... but being 60 something... he really couldn't keep up with our GS anyway!! And of course he couldn't love him like we did... I was in such a tough spot because I now felt like the OM WITH MY OWN WIFE!! As I said... I never told her I loved her.... never even touched her shoulder.....BUT....it was VERY VERY hard....

THEN... one morning W called and 5 minutes into the conversation.. she broke down and cried.... next came the words I had waited for for sooooooo long..... "I WANT MY LIFE BACK!" I hesitated... and repeated what she had said..... THEN she said.... "I WANT YOU BACK"!!! and the flood gates opened.... she cried and cried and said that she knew she shouldn't have divorced me but it was too late.... she had dug such a deep hole with OM (going to marriage counseling etc....) she thought it was just easier to "go through with it" She cried and cried and told me she was sorry and didn't know what to do...

A week later... she decided what to do....She got one of OM's guns and intended to take her own life!!!

BUT..... THANK THE LORD... she got a call in the middle!!! It lasted just long enough to distract her. She had called 911 a couple of minutes before but hung up..... the police came anyway of course.. and she was taken to a "safe hospital" so they could observe her....the call.... which she doesn't remember saved her life!!!! The LORD had to have stepped in.....

W was a mess....she had a nervous breakdown... She instructed the doctors NOT to let OM in the hospital... she only would see me and the kids...(we thought better of taking our Grandson there..)

She finally had to tell OM and did so while "safe" in the hospital.... he threatened to kill HIMSELF!!! He is an alcoholic and started drinking again.. cutting his own arms (like my W had done a week earlier) cried and threatened etc...

This went on for 2 weeks.... they let her go home but she told OM to move out first.... after a couple of days a friend from the church called and said if I didn't come over she would have to have W put back in the hospital... so...... I went and stayed with her, sleeping in the basement as hard as that was.... because OM would drive by and peel out around the corner beeping his horn and she was afraid....

W hurried to get an annulment.... convinced OM to sign the papers (THAT was the hard part) BUT...when they went to the court the judge said the papers were wrong....
AGAIN.... GOD STEPPED IN.... the judge was the SAME Judge that divorced us!! JUDGE LOVE!!!! She of course recognized my W and helped her on the spot... but it was a divorce not an annulment... W could have re-filed the papers correctly but was afraid OM wouldn't sign them the second time....OM haunted us with threats of suicide....even pretended to be baptized (well I hope it was real but I think it was a last desperate move) over the next two years.... he still lurks.....

A funny sideline AGAIN GOD'S HAND SHOWS ITSELF.... Just before we were to be re-married I asked where our rings were... I said that this mess was just PART of our Marriage and we shouldn't get new rings.

W began to cry....she told me that she had pawned them (as I had told her to do before I found MB) I asked where.....? She told me and I rushed there..... THE RINGS WERE STILL THERE!! STILL THERE AFTER A WHOLE YEAR!!! Even though they were the ONLY PAIR among single rings.... THE WERE THERE!!!!

So.... we lived together celibate (ok.. we slipped only once) for 3-4 months so we could re-marry on our 16th WA... so we would only have ONE WA and that would help us forget....well... not totally... of course....
God has blessed us SOOOOO much in the last years... a beautiful home... (more than we ever dreamed of) two beautiful grandsons....and our love still grows... we still argue/disagree.... we are human... BUT.... we end it fairly and quickly and really pick our battles now.... GOD IS SO POWERFUL!! AND SO AWESOME!!! sorry.. it but I warned you it was long... there is actually more but...... GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK

Wow, Frank. I am speechless and taking it all in. You know, so much of what you said is so not surprising... like how she felt afterwards. So many people, instead of reconciling, get remarried only to find themselves miserable and wondering what they did to ruin their lives. So sad. It's all part of Satan's deceit and lies.

So many things that I have read from this one marriage site in which the man who had an affair and left his wife... well, he shares what was going on in his mind at the time... and so much was just like how your wife was feeling.

Even my husband. I remember the day I left (it was his house), he bawled and wept with his face in his hands and I remember him saying, "I wonder if I am like Moses when he struck the rock in his anger and lost the promised land." He was sobbing. But he also saw it as "too late" and I think it is Satan who convinces so many people, including Christians, that it is "too late" which is why I can't do that. There are so few voices saying "no, it's not too late... God can heal and restore" that I feel compelled to say that.

Wow, that is really wonderful that you are together and able to leave a legacy of a restored marriage for your family. There are obviously consequences of the adultery (the other man's life), and I hope and pray for him that he will find the Lord.

It just literally breaks my heart to see how Satan destroys people's lives with his lies. Breaks my heart. I hate it.

I am going to read your story again tomorrow to take more of it in. I hope you two will share that testimony with others and allow God to use you to help other hurting marriages. Well, give it time though so that your new marriage is first strong and ready for that.

If I wasn't so tired, I'd write more but I praise God for your testimony and for intervening in your wife's life like He did.

God bless.

Hi Frank, I just want to say, WHAT A BEATIFUL TESTIMONY!!! She rebeled and resisted that draw, and nudge from God for quite a while. It took her to finally submit to the pulling and drawing and nudge of God to come your way.

But sad to say, not all give into and submit to that nudge and draw of God, some resist it forever, and go and fall into a ditch and stay
there. We can't save them all and either can God. But God always draws and tries. Sometimes He gets to a point after trying so long, if they continue to resist, He just "gives them up" to thier own ways.

I'm glad your wife chose His way, and you!!!

I am so happy for you and your wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

LoveMyEx,
Yes... I TOTALLY agree there are enough "voices" telling the BS to give up....that's why voices like yours are so important... You are blessed because you understand this on ALL levels...
One... the MB level... needs
Two... the Biblical level... that satan has captured our spouses and is controlling a lot of their actions...
I/we had/have a painting that depicts that... it's awesome. It shows a Shepard on the side of a mountain stretching over the side reaching for a lost sheep... in the background... a hawk circles overhead...waiting...
THAT..painting stayed on the wall on my bedroom for all the time my W was gone...
The Shepard became Jesus..... the sheep my W and the Hawk... OM or really satan....
Jesus saved my W from the hawk's talons.

I have a theory... not sure if it's Biblical...

I believe that God answers prayers in direct proportion with HOW MUCH THE PERSON PRAYING BELIEVES HE WILL ANSWER...

In my HEART... I always knew that my W would come home.....that God would restore our Marriage....
The funny thing... we were close to getting back only a month after she left... I Prayed and prayed and promised God that if he saved our marriage I wouldn't be ashamed of what had happened and would tell our "story" to help others...
I didn't realize one thing.... if we were to be an example.... we would have to be an EXTREME example.... one that MOST could compare to their OWN situations and see that no matter how bad it looked.... it wasn't as impossible as what my W and I went through..... hence.... the LONG and painful experience.....

But... it also gave us the gift of knowing GOD does REALLY answer prayers....in HIS time....and for OUR betterment and when GOD fixes something... he does it RIGHT.!!

About OM... I have prayed that he be saved too... he was really just a pawn for satan... he thought he was "rescuing" my W from a miserable Marriage... I hated him... but I felt bad when he was going through his pain... don't get me wrong... he STILL aggravated me for a LONG time.... but his pain was painful for me too... seeing the guilt he laid on my W... it hurt... Anyway,,,, thanks and God Bless... I'll pray for your Marriage.....

ladysheep,
Thanks for the kind words...yes she resisted and fought God's will... but satan's draw is strong...
Fear was his greatest tool... fear that I hadn't changed and our Marriage would fail.... and she would lose her YUCK... soulmate OM.... never realizing that God would NEVER send a person to a Married person... only satan does.... GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS.. FRANK

Hi Stephen,

That sounds like a really neat painting. The Bible is pretty clear about how Satan is like a "roaring lion" "seeking whom he may devour." He is no pussycat. He is bent on destroying and will do whatever evil he can to destroy. But he disguises himself as an "angel of light." If he could deceived Adam and Eve, two people who weren't even yet sinners... well, what hope is there for us?! Basically, there is no hope w/o Christ. Christ is our hope because it was his death and resurection that has saved us from the consequence of sin which is death. Yes, we die, but as Christians, we live... after our physical deaths, we live eternal lives with Christ.

Anyways... just some thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Have you seen the painting of the man (I think there's one with a woman too) who is praying over a sleeping child in the bedroom. Outside the window there is this dark, evil figure. But in front of the figure, there is an angel. It is really neat because you know the angel is there as a result of the parent's prayer. Prayer is powerful. We so often underestimate it.

"The prayer of a RIGHTEOUS man is powerful and effective." James 5:16

Yes, Jesus did save your wife from the hawk's talons and I believe it was because of your faith, your prayers, and your obedience to the Lord. You used your weapons to fight Satan (prayer, faith, the Word... the spiritual weapons).

God definitely answers prayers in that manner. There are clearly verses that talk about this. There is a verse that says "You have not because you don't ask." I can't think offhand now the verse and the exact wording. It also says that "without faith it is impossible to please God."

You know, my husband and I were close to reconciling in the beginning too. He called to stop the divorce the very day it came through. And after the divorce, we talked alot about reconciliation and he said once, "We are going to remarry and have babies, etc." He still loved me and it just makes me soooooo righteously angry that the courts and laws of our land make it so easy to get a divorce! I KNOW that many divorces would not happen if it wasn't so easy. And then on top of that, when no one is willing to help you or to say "dont' do it" or to encourage reconciliation. Well, I have learned that I am alone in this in many ways... however, God is more powerful than any man and He is with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So I do not fear.

I did the same as you and told the Lord that if our marriage is restored, I will use that testimony whenever I can to bring glory to God by helping other marriages.

You said, "I didn't realize one thing.... if we were to be an example.... we would have to be an EXTREME example.... one that MOST could compare to their OWN situations and see that no matter how bad it looked." Yes, so very true!

I have done that with other's testimonies and I think that's why those testimonies are so very powerful. Because people will say, "yah, but my husband did this and that, etc... there is no way!!" but then you can look at another testimony of even worse circumstances and see that God can heal even the very worst of circumstances! He can reconcile the worst of people!

Also, you said, "in His time" and yes, so very true. At first, I'd read of reconciliations that took, like yours, 2 yrs and I thought, "no I can't last that long!" But now, I realize that you can't put God on a timetable and you can trust that He has a reason for it being long. He obviously, in your situation, was working in both your lives during that long time apart and if it had been sooner, it might have failed again. It was not you who brought you back together (although you certainly did things in wisdom and faith to make it possible) but God who brought you together because ONLY He knew what was going on "behind the scenes" and He worked it out in His time, with a purpose.

God obviously has done a good work in you also to help you with the OM. Because you are right, he is deceived and lost, and he can't see it but Satan has him on a path of destruction. I think of when the people hung Jesus and he prayed, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." They didn't either. They were doing something so horrible, but it was because they were deceived and lost. Going through this divorce has helped me alot to learn about forgiveness and compassion.

I have this book about this woman (she was on Oprah. Did you see it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) whose daughter and mother were killed by a drunk driver. Well, her and that woman today are close friends and because of the woman's forgiveness for the drunk driver, that woman became a Christian! It is truly just a wonderful story of forgiveness and love and how God can work if we allow Him to. (Their friendship began because the woman decided to forgive and they began to write letters.)

Well, God bless you and keep loving your wife! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi, Frank.

I had forgotten many of the details of your "adventure." Thanks so much for re-telling it! This has always been one of the best sources of strength for me, to read the success stories, and know there really are successes out there!! That this MB "stuff" really works!!!

LoveMyEx:
One of the things that majorly irritates me about how little people respect the institution of M is that not only was no one telling my H that he should not divorce me, but his family encouraged it!! And I also believe loaned him the $$ to do it!!! I mean, WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT IS THAT?!?!?!

Speaking of "alone." We had no children together, so his children were the only children I will ever be able to "claim" - and they knew it. I told them this many times....."If you think I'm treating you differently b/c your are my step-children, think again. You are the closest thing to my OWN children I'll ever have, so you better believe I'm treating you exactly as I'd treat my own...." Anyway, when he went, so did their support (and love?) I heard from his youngest for awhile (oldest is a "jerk" anyway.....isn't close to anyone in the family), but now there is NC there, either. So, essentially, I feel like no only did satan steal my H away, he also stole away my whole family, including Grandchildren. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I think there is no other option when a M is restored, than to give God the glory by telling everyone about it forever!! This is a realization I have s-l-o-w-l-y come to understand.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He was working in both your lives during that long time apart and if it had been sooner, it might have failed again. ONLY He knew what was going on "behind the scenes" and He worked it out in His time, with a purpose.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is good stuff! I believe this is an important point....It takes time to get a plan in place, set everything up, get all the "players" in place, and moving all in the same direction..........

Yes, "God is God and we are not" - all the more reason to know that God WILL have His way, AND (more importantly, to me), is the realization that HE HAS GOT WORK TO DO BEHIND THE SCENES BEFORE HE RESTORES A MARRIAGE IN ORDER THAT ALL THE MAJOR PLAYERS HAVE CHANGED AND BECOME THE PEOPLE HE WANTS THEM TO BECOME SO THIS WHICH WILL BE FIXED "GETS FIXED RIGHT" - as Frank has pointed out to me many times! (Thanks, Frank!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,

HI Bev,
Good to hear from you... We need to talk on the phone soon my cherished friend... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Sorry to hear about your pain with the children... YOU know I went through a similar thing with my W's family...
In fact... my nephews are the ONLY ones that came to my defense when they realized that I wouldn't EVER be at Thanksgiving again....(I had spent 14 TG with W's family... this was/is her favorite holiday so....

Yes.. God needs to fix this right.... and most of the time it takes a LONG time..
It takes a lot of strength both physically and spiritually to get through it..
I lost 4O POUNDS...!! MY.. family said I looked like I had aids!!
But God kept my heart and mind strong... and of course I had NOTHING to do with saving my W... all the glory is his!!!

There is so much gratitude in my heart to GOD... and so much more admiration for his power... it's amazing....!!!
I used to have these conversations (one sided of course) I'd Pray God... OK... look... this is NOTHING for you.... you can do ANYTHING.. so....

If it's NOT meant to be PLEASE MAKE it meant to be!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You can heal my Family, my Wife.. allow my Sister and Brother to accept my W back (which they have after saying NEVER NEVER NEVER that bi*** better never come near me!!)
So, GOD healed and fixed EVERYTHING.. even steered my W to a Doctor to help her with the emotional problems she's had since she was a child!!!
PRAISE HIM!! BELIEVE IN HIM!!! HE CAN DO ANYTHING!!! ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!! SEEK HIM FIRST AND ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN UNTO YOU!!!

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS... FRANK

Please help,

thanks for your testimony. I found the restore site 3 years ago. God really spoke to me thru their books. I thought 2 years sounded like too long...now I am still waiting 3 and half years later. God has shown me my husband will be home. God has already done so much in our marriage. God stopped the divorce 3 years ago and we are still not divorced. We spend a lot of time together. We even go to church together. There has not been ow, I was just a bad wife and we didn't have Jesus in our lifes.

Thanks for sharing the restore site, it teaches us how to hope, have faith and believe.I pray God continues to bless your marriage.

Ladysheep,

I believe God can do anything. We cannot limit Him. We have free will to choose to accept God's free gift of salvation. God then works on us to bring us were he wants us. He always goes after His children and He never gets tired or gives up.

God can make us willing. There are several stories in the Bible about God making His children willing. Look at Jonah. He was not willing to do want God wanted and God made him willing. You say , that is old testiment. Then what about Saul who helped to have Jesus killed. God made Saul willing to serve Him and he became Paul.

True some don't accept God's gift of salvation. But God knows the future. He leds us that are willing to do His will down the path we should go. God led me down this path toward a restored marriage. That is why I can say without a doubt, God will restore my marriage. God has also gave me signs telling me how my husband will be when God has done a work in him.

God is always in control. He leds us down the path we should go. Prayers change things and people or why would Jesus tell us to pray and ask our Father in Heaven ? God is in charge of the heart, He turns it whichever way He wishes. He harded hearts and He softens hearts. He knows the future.He knows who will accept Him and who will not.

I am not trying to argue with you. I would just like to see you have more hope and faith. If God leds someone down the path toward a restored marriage, then He will keep His promise. We just have to wait. I also would like to see more asking God if restoration is the path He wants them to take. The hard part for us is the waiting. God will bless us no matter which path we take if we seek Him with all our hearts. But just saying ,our situation is or was hopeless, is not enough. God can change any situation no matter how bad it is. He is bigger than our marriage problems.

gentle

<small>[ August 05, 2003, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Okay, here is a story for you and then I want to post another with my own comments! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You know what's really awesome too? These people who have these reconciliation ministries have themselves been though divorce (and adultery)... I hope and pray that God will someday use us the way He is using them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

John and Diane Cayce formed the Marriage Reconciliation Support Group at Richland Hills Church of Christ in August of 1991 to encourage those who are struggling with separation, divorce or a seemingly hopeless marriage to trust in God's power and principles to heal and restore their marriage, as He did John and Diane's.

The Cayces learned first hand how difficult and painful it is to move toward reconciliation after a marriage has been completely destroyed by sin, but they found that no marriage problem is impossible for God to solve. They struggled with a bad marriage for ten years before Diane left John with their daughter, Heather, and obtained a divorce. During their three year separation, John committed to remain open to reconciliation to allow God sufficient time to work in his and Diane's life and to increase John's spiritual and emotional growth. God eventually softened Diane's heart toward John and gave her the desire to reestablish a marriage relationship with him. Then, after many tough months, God gradually drew Diane to Himself and completely restored her relationship with John. John and Diane repeated their marriage vows in 1988, which God later blessed with the gift of a second daughter, Meredith.

Through their own experiences, the Cayces found that the same God who raised Jesus from the dead, can and will resurrect dead or dying marriages from the grave of separation and divorce. As Jesus teaches in Matthew 19:26, "With God, all things are possible." For the members of the Marriage Reconciliation Support Group this means that no marital difficulty or brokenness is beyond God's power to heal and restore for those who are willing to put their trust in Him and wait on Him to complete His reconciling work in their lives.

Another Reconciliation Story. I remember reading too in their book (it's called "Stained Glass Marriage") that they made horrible accusations against each other... of abuse, mental instability,and other stuff. They also hired private investigators and tapped phones-- needless to say, it was ugly. I wonder... is there any "pretty" and nice divorce? I think Satan works in similar ways in divorces.. he turns spouses against each other and fills their heads with lies. He is deceitful and cunning. Our fight is not against flesh and blood but agaisnt the rulers and principalities of this universe (satan and his demons)....

Okay, here is the story... oh, before you read, these two were like the "perfect" church couple before their marriage (perfect on the outside)


"The Marriage Shatters"

On a Saturday in July 1996, Dale walked into their home, packed Jena’s bags, and told her to get out. The marriage was over. Their fight ended up with Dale grabbing the children and driving away as Jena stood sobbing in the driveway. He headed to the golf course and left the children with his mother at the pool. Jena got the children and headed to her sister’s house, which angered Dale. "I called Dale and explained that I was afraid of him and wanted to stay away for a while until I felt safe to return," Jena says. Unbeknownst to Jena, Dale went to see a lawyer who said the children were just as much his as Jena’s and told Dale, "If I were you, I’d go and get them." One week later at Vacation Bible School, Dale came determined to get the children. Panicked, Jena left Jorga briefly to run get Cole before Dale grabbed Jorga and ran to the car. Jena tried to comfort Cole. She returned to the gym where she met Dale’s twin brother Dave, who pulled Cole out of her arms, knocked her to the ground, and ran to a waiting car. Jena sat confused and shocked at what had just happened; people quickly made themselves scarce. When her family arrived, Jena began reporting the incident, but the policeman said there was nothing he could do since Dale was their father. He advised her to call an attorney.

Dale went to his parents’ house, packed some bags, and disappeared for seven days. Unable to locate the kids, Jena finally called a lawyer, who advised her that the only way she could get the kids back into the state was to file for divorce. While in Tennessee Dale’s employer notified him that he had received divorce papers. Both Dale and Jena wanted full custody of the kids, and both refused to leave the marital residence. The judge was left with no choice but to place them back into the house pending a divorce trial.

It was an in-house prison. "For 15 months we lived in the house together, awaiting the trial date. The house that used to be a home became a prison," Jena says. They lived separately and fought over everything. Many nights Jena cried herself to sleep in Cole’s room while six-year-old Cole patted her on the back. Because of Dale’s anger and desire for control, he withheld all money from Jena. They began conducting themselves as if the other did not exist. Most conversations escalated into full-blown arguments so heated that Cole would sit in the corner of the dining room and cry with his hands over his ears, begging for it to stop. "We threw things, pointed our fingers, and verbally abused one another," they say. Because of so much manipulation, the children learned to manipulate their parents as well. Per their spiritual life, Dale began sitting in the back of the church; Jena started attending another church. Their families took sides. All along their lawyers coached each of them on how to win. Their home became a war zone. Finally the divorce was over, but the elation was short lived as frustrations built over having to communicate with each other about matters with the children. "Every weekend, as we passed the children to the other, we felt as if our own hearts were physically being ripped apart," Jena says. The frustration, pain, and anger were indescribable.

Reconciliation

Four weeks after the divorce, Dale and Jena got into yet another argument, but this time Jena did something that was very risky – she let her guard down and let him see her heart. "Dale, what have we done? Why don’t you come get me, and let’s fix this thing," she said. Dale was caught off guard, and instantly said, "I can’t look at the feet of our children without seeing you." Jena says that statement was like a bouquet of roses to her. The Holy Spirit began to "melt the hardened mess of our hearts." Within minutes they were sharing and sobbing uncontrollably.

The Forehands spent the next four months in frequent, intentional marriage counseling with a godly Christian counselor who walked them through the healing process. Though they worked through some hard days, at the end of that time, they knew in their minds that re-marriage was what God wanted for them. "On December 21, 1997, we were remarried to the glory of God," they say. On the morning of their remarriage, Cole told them that since they were getting together with each other, he wanted to pray and get together with God. He gave his life to Christ.

Another story... very powerful! This one was after 6 years. Wow.

"After praying and fasting for six years, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me through the Internet to some ministry that would help me. The Holy Spirit guided me to Restore Ministries! I couldn't wait to order the books and all the videotapes! As soon as I received them, I read and reread them. It has truly been a tremendous blessing in my life, as well as the lives of others!

After praying a hedge of thorns around my husband every day and for the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, to reveal to my husband all truth about himself as well as our Lord and Savior, my husband was home! After applying the principles in How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage as well as prayers noted above, within three weeks he came home one day shaking in his boots, and saying, with tears in his eyes running down his face (I really felt for him), he said it seemed as if someone was showing him scenes from his childhood until the present and that he regrets all the hurt and pain he has caused people, including his parents, who have passed away. He finally came home!!

All I can say is, DON'T GIVE UP! I believe that what helped me the most was to be obedient to God's word in everything and being submissive to my husband. That's what really did it!"

OH MY GOODNESS!!! Frank, I have now called you "Luke" and "Stephen"!! I'm so sorry! Even though I'm laughing at myself right now! I have written soooo much here the past few days, I guess I can't keep names straight or something. Sorry!

Lupolady and Gentle, I really want to write you more.... or more to what you said because well... I guess our hearts are in similar places. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Lupolady, I can empathize with you- my husband was a widower with 2 children (who called me "mom")... I no longer see them or him. But I think about them alllll the time.

And like Gentle, I realized what a foolish, foolish wife I'd been (This was my verse: "A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, a foolish one tears it down." That was me.. the foolish one who tore down her house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I now simply pray for God to forgive me and I want so much for Him to help me to change and be the woman of God I want to be and that my husband needed me to be), but I praise God for opening my eyes and even for this time, as extremely painful as its been (there's been nights I have asked the Lord to take me home... you know, to heaven home...), in the end, just like Gentle said, regardless of the outcome of my marriage, the work God has done in me will be worth the pain.

I am glad that I have chosen this path rather than the path I often have been tempted to take... the one in which I would've hardened my heart, hated my husband, and moved on. Loving my husband is much more painful than hating him, but it is the path I want to take and I take it joyfully because I am learning to truly love.

And I guess I see the testimonies of others (like Erin Thiele) as testimonies of women and men who have gone this path before me. Like Frank. He chose the same path and it's as if I am following. Paul said, "Follow my example." Christ says he gives us examples to follow. David's life is a testimony of what to do and what not to do. Esther, there is an awesome testimony of a woman who put her faith in the Lord. It is good to hear testimonies of what God can do because what He has done then, He can still do now. What He has done in Frank's life, He can do in mine. I'm not sure if I'm making sense, but there is a thought in there somewhere.

Gentle, I also agree that God can make anyone willing and he hardens and softens hearts. There is a verse that says how he will change the heart of stone and give a heart of flesh. Offhand I don't know that verse. Well, you've probably read it because I think Erin mentions it alot and how we should pray that the Lord will turn our husband's "heart of stone" to a "heart of flesh." He can. He is more than capable of anything and can do "immeasurably more than we even ask or imagine..." Wow.

I sure am glad I have run into you two and Frank and Stephen and the others who are reconciled or hoping for reconciliation. It is good to not be alone, isn't it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I want to pray for you also and will add you to my prayer list. My prayers have not been as consistent as they should be lately and I am trying to spend this week getting back on track in that area. I really want to pray for you, because... I believe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 06, 2003, 04:32 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Hi Gentle,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe God can do anything. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Me too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We have free will to accept God's gift of salvation </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree. We also have free will to accept God's gift of reconciliation.

The prodigal made a choice to come home, his father never called him and said come home, come home!! He made a decision to come home after his waywardness, and when he did, he was welcomed with open arms. Not all prodigals make that decision. Or when they do it's too late for the marriage, unless they are like you waiting for 3 yrs, not being sure he will make that decision.

I have lived a long time and seen a lot of stuff. And I know reality w/ God. You talk about all the testimonies of restore ministries and that's great. I'm happy for all of them. But the other testimonies of marriages not reconciled are not told on that site, which are probably at high numbers. These people prayed, and prayed also. Read all the books, did what they could, and still the divorce, and non-reconciliation happened. Does
it mean they had lack of faith? "NO!!"
It just means the other spouse decided and made a choice(by his/her free will) not to come home.

Blessings, sent with Love, Ladysheep

Ladysheep,

Just like the prodigal father, I don't pursue my husband. Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son for several reasons. One is to show the love of the Father in Heaven. Another is to give us hope and to believe all things are possible with Him.

I am sure my husband will be home. God has shown me this many times. This is the most important part of marriage restoration, one must know this is the path God led them down. If it is not what God has told you to do then , there is no reason to wait. When God gives you a promise, He keeps it.

All the restored marriages show the power of prayer and trusting the Lord. Why are all not restored? There are many reasons. The most important as mentioned above, God may have not led them down the restoration path. It may have been their will not God's will for them.

A lot of people pray for a restored marriage but are not willing to do what it takes to have a marriage restored by God. One must die to self. Others must be put before ourselves. I know of people that have prayed for years for God to restore their marriage and restoration has not happen. These same people have admitted that they cannot forgive the WS for what they did to them. We cannot have bitterness in our hearts. Forgiveness is very important for restoration to happen.

Some just don't wait long enough. Even if GOd has shown them this is the path to take, they just get tired. I know of a marriage that was restored after 25 years.

There are any number of reasons why some marriages are still not restored. The ones that are not restored yet are not told about because they are not restored yet. There can't be a time limit put on restoration. Besides who is to say that the marriages that are considered not restored, won't be restored years from now? The couple that restored after 25 years could have written a story of a marriage not restored at any point up until the time their marriage was restored. There are some stories that are not complete yet.

Again, the most important part is to know what God wants you to do. If God leds you down this path then the marriage will be restored in GOd's time if we wait.

I find comfort in knowing that God's word is filled with His promises and if He gives us one of those promises, it will happen.

If God leds someone down the path of restoration, then I support them any way that I can.

At first many of my friends at church kept on about free will even after I told them God led me down this path. I guess they were not sure God had led me. All those friends now believe it is just a matter of time before my husband will be home. They know this because they have witnessed first hand what God has done in our lifes. They have watched as we have grown closier together as a family. I have support now that I didn't have in the beginning.

We must seek God and more important, we must trust Him with everything in our lifes. Marriage restoration is a narrow path. It takes a lot of trust. We need to encourage one another in our walk.

I have seen a lot of stuff also. I have lived thur and been a part of a lot of stuff. This is my second marriage, so I know that all marriages are not restored. Who is to say what would have happened if my first husband had of turned to Christ and prayed and ask God to restore the marriage? I don't know, that didn't happen. But I have learned that divorce is not the way. I have had to deal with my sin of divorce. I want it to stop with me. I have mentioned these things only to let you know a little about where I have been.
I have learned the things I talk about.

Thanks for listening.

In Him,

gentle

<small>[ August 06, 2003, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Gentle,

I'm glad to know that you and your husband are seeming to reunite, and come together.

The only thing is, is that it doesn't happen for
all, no matter how much faith they have.

I'm glad there is "simplicity in Christ." Geesh!!

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

gentle, since you have been discussing restoration may I ask a question, it is not meant to be argumentative, but you have obviously thought about all this.

Assuming your first H is not deceased, suppose he wants restoration with you (the details are not important, assume he ajusts himself and his circumstances accordingly)....and you want restoration with your 2nd H....how are both going to happen? And if both cannot (obviously) whose restoration prevails? If your heart (for example) was hard to 1st H attempts, in favor of 2nd H, doesn't that reflect on you (poorly?).

My problem with these restoration concepts are they seem more like asking God to do what we want, and impose our will on someone else then about God's will in the first place, and/or rationalizing our own selfish wants. In your case you say you have "seen" God's will you be restored to 2nd H...to your credit that at least suggests you are trying to discern God's will, not your own per se...but of course one has to be sure it isn't just another form of self-denial (which isn't easy to be sure of, one can only try and be internally honest). What makes me a little uncomfortable (in a creepy way) is the fact this is not just about us, it is about another independent human being. It seems if someone has asked us to let them go, then you do so, you don't continue to lead your life with the expectation they return to you, it feels kinda like stalking or something (albeit, much less aggressively). You go on with your life, and should circumstances make a restoration possible, then fine, pursue it like a new relationship. On the other hand, I do see the merit (and one has some right to do so) to feel (essentially) that ones lost spouse is confused, or acting against their best interest and will come to that realization and return...so it makes sense to "wait" with that expectation making known they are welcome.....I really don't know the answer, your post(s) just prompted this rumination.

re the 25 year example. People change, their circumstances change, remarrying after 25 years is essentially a new relationship, not a restoration. In the meantime they walked other paths, had other lives (that may or may not have been good, or God's will). I don't think remarriage and restoration are necessarily the same thing. Oft times the initial marriage was ill-advised, and ended completely, for good reason, and both were restored to being independent individuals.... From that place, and additonal growth, they may choose each other again, but it is a new choosing, and not a restoration, but a new marriage alltogether, this time for the right reasons. It seems a restoration implies the two never really ended the marriage, they still considered themselves sort of um..."emotionally" married, and continued to interact in a quasi-marital way, eventually resolving their conflicts and remarrying.

<small>[ August 06, 2003, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

PH your story rocks! I caught your sig on another posting and just had to laugh (not in a mean way) about how good God can be. That through all persecution he is still faithful to carry out his plan and answer our prayers. I have to give it to you for standing your ground, keeping your faith, being forgiving and letting God do all the work!

I pray that I too can post a success story here one day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ladysheep,

Faith is only a part of the restoration process. Just becasue someone marriage is not restored doesn't mean they don't have faith. Just because this is the path God led me on doesn't mean I look at anyone else that is not on this path and say they must not have faith. Again faith is only part of the picture.

True everyone is not on this path. I support those that are and are not. I believe that questions such as to divorce or not to divorce or remarry or reconcile or not can only be anwered by our Father in heaven. I don't believe He would tell anyone to divorce becasue that would go against His word. Lord knows we all go against His word everyday. What I am saying is we must seek God's answer on all these things.

Please don't get so caught up in the ones that don't reconcile as not to see the glory of the ones that do. Praise God for the restorations and know it is not for everyone.

I have people get upset with me becasue I am on this path. The ones that get upset with me are either divorced or divorcing. It is as if me being on this path bothers them because it is not the path they took. It is Ok that not everyone takes this path. I encourage those that want there marriages save to seek God as to what He would have them do. The restoration sites give a lot of good information based on GOd's word. Still it has to be put to God. God will bless us as long as we seek Him and love Him with all our hearts.

I hope no one takes offense because someone is believeing God will restore their marriage. Because this doens't mean that we somehow see them as less than because this not the path they took.

I hope this makes sense because I have having trouble expressing what is on my heart. I guess what I am trying to say is none of this is measure of your walk with God.

In Him,

gentle