this could be a long post......

first time writing, but not the first time i have been here in the past 7 weeks since my wife said she wanted a divorce. married for 3 years together for 4.

my wife withdrew from me in december and told me in mid june she wanted to leave. however, she still said she loved me, and we were trying to have kids for the previous 18 months (even 3 days before she dropped the bomb). both of us accept that we didnt treat each other the way we should have (lots of verbal insults), but that is as far as she will go in accepting responsability in the downfall of our marriage. she feels that it is easier to leave than to try an repair.

she says i am not the "type of guy" she wants to be with. she wants a civil servant (fireman, policeman, military) because "you can tell a lot about a person by what they do". my response was there are corrupt people in every profession. not to mention that there was a guy she knew in college that is now a police officer that she has secretly thought about, but never told me about. she took a shot at him twice in college and was turned down, and took another shot 4 weeks ago and again was turned down. he was out of her life the year before we started dating in college.

she says that "we are over" and that it is "too late", and i claim that it is never to late. she feels that she did all the sacraficing in the marriage, and that she had to give herself up, and had to give up friends to be with me. all things i never asked nor expected her to do. i dont think she knows what marriage is all about. she is an indepentent, and claims she wants to be on her own, and do her own thing.

i guess what i am looking for feedback. should i cut my loses even though i love my wife (and even though i express my feelings to her she mocks me or laughs), or should i hold on to hope?

Thanks for listening.

PS - Great website, i wish my wife would take time out of her day to read through it all to discover what i have in the last 7 weeks.

Not everyone will agree, but I think you should hold on to hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am too tired right now to write alot, but I would encourage you to check out these two sites: www.restorem.org and www.rejoiceministries.org. They are marriage reconciliation sites.

I would like to encourage you more at a later time, but am glad I could share those sites with you and I hope and pray that God restores your marriage. He can and He is going to do a good work in you as you go through this!

Hold on to hope because hope is what Jesus Christ is all about!

Eph. 3:20 "[God] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

Prov. 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowldege him, and he will make your paths straight."

Deut. 31:7-8 "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

I will try to encourage you again sometime soon with more verses.

Hope and faith is not wishful thinking when you put your hope and faith in Christ! Try right now to focus on yourself... examine yourself and see what God perhaps wants you to change. Maybe God is using this to refine both of you and to change your marriage for the better.

When we accept Christ, we die to our old selves and are made new. Sometimes, marriages have to die in order to be made new.

God can raise dead people, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He can also raise "dead" marriages.

God bless and be with you giving you comfort, wisdom, and strength to deal with whatever lies ahead.

thank you for your quick reply. it is appreciated.

i was baptised catholic, but i am not a practicing catholic. i have never lost faith in a higher power. i have always thought that there is a path for us to follow. my wife however is of no relgious sect. she believes in God, but never had any formal education.

her foundation for marriage is based on her own parents marriage of 25+ years, of which the last 10+ that i know of have been full of lies and secrets. which has found its way into our marriage through her mother. i have no faults with her father (except that he makes a great living, and spoiled his family). So she doesnt really have a clear idea about this subject either. Honesty should be the #1 ideal in a marriage and she feels that it isnt totally necessary.

since day 1 as i like to call it, when my life took an unexpected turn, i have used this website as an eye opener to educate myself on marriage, since i already had the religious training. at multiple requests, my wife refuses to research the meaning of marriage and what is expected. she feels that because i have taken this new knowledge and tried to use it, i sound like a therapist. and it isnt going to work on her.

so, as i talked to her tonight, i was reluctant to talk about God, and the meaning of life and my path (going back to the mocking and laughing at me). she wanted me to talk about it and i didnt. later i let it slip so that it appeared as a separate thought, and i was laughed at, as suspected.

by no means am i claiming my innocence in laughter at someone elses expense, but wouldnt you expect some respect and understanding in a situation like divorce? or is it that my "bailing" wife is too spiteful? is she capable of change if she sees no fault of her own? and should i really stick this one out?

denkonge99,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> should i really stick this one out?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only you can answer that... do you love your Wife? If you do..

FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE....
Learn as much as you can here... listen too people like LoveMyEx...she is very wise and GOD WILL HELP YOU if you lean on him..!!!

Be careful about "educating" your W about what you learn here.. SHOW HER... what you learned....

Actions speak MUCH louder than words...

She loved you when you Married.... her love is still there.... buried.... like a flower in the winter... She'll say "I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you" It HURTS to hear that!!

Wait... if you haven't heard that yet... you will.... they all say it...

Melt the snow away SLOWLY... just like the flower in the snow... if you try with a blow torch,.... you'll kill the flower... melt it slowly...

My Marriage took TWO YEARS to restore....I know.... seems impossible to last that long....you can... if it even takes that long for you...

They say it takes twice as long as the hurt took to accumulate....
NOT MANY MARRIAGE SITUATIONS GET AS BAD AS MINE WAS..... HOPELESS...

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD....

FIND OUT (GENTLY) what her needs are.... then try and fill them.... READ ALL YOU CAN HERE....GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK