Hello everybody. My wife is looking to move to out of state. Logistically, this would make it alittle hard for us to get back together. She says that people keep telling her that it looks like she's trying to escape. She doesn't listen to anybody's advice. Most people are telling her to give us another chance, including me. I love her so much and I've learned so much about what went wrong in our relationship from this web site and through counseling. I don't want to lose her.

People tell me that I should make it look like I've moved on and that would make her want to come back to me. But I don't know want to play games. I mean all she would have to do is call me to know how I feel about her. The other day she just called out of the blue to say hi and I was floored. She's lost that loving feeling for me and I'll do whatever it takes to get that back.

Any suggestions?

Ask her what she really wants?
Ask her whether she thinks it can be with you?

There is an MB seminar in FLorida in September.
Before she makes a huge decision to move away, ask her whether she'd consider going to it together, as a means to determine once and for all if it is over.

What do you have to lose?

It's funny you should mention that newly becaus ethat's the state she's looking to relocate to.

I have asked her but she says she just doesn't know. She knows that she needs her space and doesn't want to work on us but that's about it. I've asked whether she's just trying to let me down easy or spare my feelings but she says that's not the case either.

She'll tell me that she talks about me still to other people and then she'll say something like, "Do you think we can be friends after we split" or "that girl over there is more your type." It's like she doesn't believe in us anymore and I don't know how to make her believe it if she wants me to leave her alone.

Propose the MB seminar as a means to exhaust all of your options.
Tell her that both of you would feel more certain if you knew that you had done the best you could. The course could help.

I know the MB principles helped me to understand the problems in my M, even if they were unsolvable.

Good Luck.

Coughlin,

Giving her some space is not game-playing.

If you are always persuing, your W will not get the space she needs - and she will always be running away. If you stop chasing, she'll stop running. She may even start chasing you.

Meanwhile, by focusing on other things in your life, you will make yourself more interesting. You'll feel better because you'll be making plans and doing things instead of just waiting for her to make a move.

Try it.

-AD

It really sounds as if she is running off to be with someone. I noticed in your other thread that you were wondering if an affair was happening. I'd bet on it.

Read the links below.

Thanks for the advice all. Newly, that seminar would be good if she wanted to try but she won't even read a book about getting back together. She's just not interested in putting in any effort. She says that it would be too easy for us to try and get back together???

AD., you put it in perspective for me and your right, I don't want to chase her away. It's just hard to let go.

And Chris, I don't know if she's having an affair. It would definately explain things. I wish I knew for sure but she wouldn't tell me. It would make her look bad. Sometimes, I feel like if I knew it would make it easier for me to move on. Probably not though.