It seems to describe me to a T right now. I think my soap opera life over the past three years dealing with a cheating spouse in an affair that was reported on daily in our paper has affected my ability to feel anything deeply. I don't know if it is just my defenses or what. Or maybe the timing just hasn't been right? For whatever reason, I'm really concerned.
The man I broke up with in April called, professing love and wanting to get back together. I ended that relationship because I wasn't head over heels in love and he wanted to get married. I could go either way - get back together or stay single. I just don't *feel* a lot. For a while I thought it was just that maybe he wasn't the one. But then I had another experience that led me to believe I am emotionally stunted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
The OW and her then H were the best friends of my ex H and I. We did a lot together and we were Godparents for their children. When she left her husband and my husband left me, her husband and I turned to each other for support. We never let it become physical, (I was 8 months pregnant with our third child at the time!) and we set boundaries to make sure we weren't inappropriate. We stayed close friends for the almost two years it has been now since the final separations. We did always wonder how we would be together, but it was never a good idea to get together. Right after I broke up with the man I was seeing in April, he and I decided to just see if there were any sparks. There weren't. I was surprised, as he has always been the kind of man I'm attracted to. But again, I felt nothing. And I've also been on a few other dates where I've felt no desire to see them again.
These leads me to believe that it IS me. Or that my expectations are too high. Or that I'm unable to let down my defenses enough to risk. I think that I am more than ready to have a serious relationship. I see no reason why not to. And unless it is on a subconscious level, I don't feel like I am going to be hurt by dating. So what is my deal? I'd be most pleased if everyone just comfortingly chimes in to say I just haven't met the right guy yet, but if you have a differing opinion, I'm not afraid to hear it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks for listening!
Krista
