Since my STBX has left me:

he's just a few $s away from bankruptcy,
he's been bad about paying child support,
(he was never good with money when we were together),
He's been put on final probation at work,
he's been VERY unreliable on visiting his kids (4 months and 2.5 years old)

and now I found out,

he has a warrant out for his arrest. He got a speeding ticket in april and never took care of it. Now his tags on his car are expired.

I feel so bad for that man.

He wanted to come home last week - but he wasn't able to say if he things were going well for him if he'd still want to come home. I told him he needed to get help (psychologically) before I'd consider it.

I loved him so much, and he's been on a complete self destruction path for 8 months now.

so hurt,

I am sure that it is very hard to watch the man you love self destruct, BUT you did him and yourself a BIG favor by not letting him come home last week. I am very proud of you!

Go look for a post from Orchid on babbling back at them when they are in this mode. It really helps in dealing with them.

You seem to be a very strong person!!! Keep up the good work!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't know your story so don't want to be presumptuous about anything, but it sounds like Satan is reaking havoc in his life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He (your husband... ex-husband?) is a sinner, yes... so am I. He needs the Lord... just as much as I do. May the Lord use these things in his life to bring him to his knees so he will find the Lord and have healing in his life. Satan loves to destroy people. I truly pray he finds the Lord. Sometimes the Lord allows us to "hit bottom" so that we will finally turn to him.

The hard part for me in seeing my WW self destruct is that we, me and 3 children are on the train ride with her and being hurt by her actions and selfish ways....Close to bankruptcy and she is in the midst of criminal prodeedings due to spousal abuse, spent night in jail, etc..etc...This was a women of integrity and christian mother...great wife, great person...got caught up in A, pregnancy, abortion and a chronic liar now....Not the person we knew nor sure I want, but I do pray for her and my family like always, but wonder will she ever come out of it and what if anything will be left of our train wreck...God Bless...

This is what I don't get.........

EVERYONE told me H would "regret" leaving.....everyone told me his life would "self-destruct...."

Now while I wouldn't want him to truly suffer, lose everything in the world, go broke, go to jail, become deathly ill, etc. I would like to see someconsequences for his irresponsible actions in regards to leaving our M.

Seems like his life is *wonderful* While I don't know that for sure, I definitely don't know the contrary, either!

I know, for example, that he now drives a brand new truck (OW co-signed for it), that he is working in his own business w/YS. YS had the business before H went there, and was doing *very well* so I have no reason to believe the business is going to tank now. He has at least 2 CC and goes out to eat several times a month. In other words, seems to be living the "high life" - still - two years later!

I just think this "train wreck" of a life that should be the consequences for his actions have not come to pass (yet).

Could it possibly be that H made a right move for himself when he deserted the M, and "moved on?" Should I just wish him well and "move on" myself? Why wait around to see (and maybe subconsciously WISH) his life would head south? It seems not to be happening......

I can't complain.......God has taken very good care of ME!! I have refinanced our home (by myself) at a very good % rate.......I have $$ in the bank, I have a good, solid job with (fairly good) job security.....and my health is good. So it isn't that I am suffering and wish he would, too. It's just that so many times, people say the WS will come to regret the choices they made by virtue of how their lives turn out.

I read posts like these, and wonder......how come OUR situation has never followed the norm?!?!?!

LupoLady...I like you, seem to think there should be consequences for the poor choices and continued contact w/ no eye toward reconcilliation...Particularly when it all began w/ an A and continues to have emotional impact on us all...However, while in my case, living and finances and life in general is in the air, your H may have the material possesions, but not that which is more valuable...A wife of integrity and a family...something no amount of success can purchase....trust me, those moments of concience will get him when he least expects it...you just will never know....as for you, I too mourne my loss, but see the reality of the situation....I long to be held, someone to share my day with, someone to call, someone to buy flowers...I do not know why, but I have this strange urge to buy jewelry for a lady...But those moments are not necessary for me yet...just the emotions coming forth...Hang in there

Me 42
WW 41
21 yr M
3 children, 10,13,17
D'day 11/08/03
Pregnancy / Abortion, my BF of 20 yrs.
WW got arrested 7/8/03
court ordered NC toward me (ironic)
she is out of hse, I have all kids
WW filed D 7/24/03, wants all but my soul, no mention of A