<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I wanted you to know that I read your message to me on Jen’s thread “Why did you finally go ahead with a divorce?” I didn’t want to hijack her thread by responding to you there but I do wish to here.

First of all please know that I welcome other’s thoughts and opinions, as I believe it helps to see things from other people’s perspectives. I know that I have read many posts and found myself forming an immediate opinion only to have that opinion change after reading other’s responses. It just goes to show you that the saying “it’s hard to see the forest for the trees” is often true. If you let yourself be open to different viewpoints and opinions you are much more likely to see things from all sides and to make a much more rational decision.

But I found your post to me to be somewhat judgmental and harsh. Don’t get me wrong you are entitled to your opinion and I’m really not upset about what you actually said, but I do question how you could have formed such an opinion when you know very little about my situation.

I have never posted my whole story on MB, not because I am ashamed of it or don’t wish anyone to know, but because I am still hurting very deeply and to be honest I’m just not sure how to put all that has happened into a post that wouldn’t be 30 pages long. So again I just wonder why you picked my post to respond to so negatively when you really know nothing about what happened in my marriage or why I feel the way I do about not agreeing to give my husband a divorce.

I did a search and read a lot of your posts to others and I see that you seem to do the same thing to others as well. It is my opinion that you, too, are in a lot of pain and that pain comes out in your posts to others. So while your post to me hurt when I first read it, I am glad that I took the time to read some of your responses to others before I responded.

I want you to know that I am sorry you are hurting, just as I am sorry that any of us here on this board have to hurt at all. I also want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and I will pray that you are able to find a more productive way of dealing with your pain than posting messages to others like the one you did to me without knowing all the details first.

No one here wants to be in the circumstances they are in and many of us probably don’t handle our individual situations they way we probably should. Which is why this forum has been a lifeline for me, because through reading other people’s stories and the responses to them I have learned a lot about what works and what doesn’t. But most of all I have learned that no two situations are the same and that while I believe it is imperative that each of us be able to to step outside of our pain and look at our own problems from every angle, only we as individuals can decide what is the right or wrong thing for us to do.

So thank you for taking the time to post a response to me but please take the time to get to know me and my situation before you respond to any other messages I may post.

<small>[ August 10, 2003, 12:37 AM: Message edited by: One_Day_At_A_Time ]</small>

No problem, I will try to remember (hard to do, so many different posters and names) not to post to you again. As to your question, I have no idea why you, I, or anyone is triggered to post... there are thousands of posts, regular attendees read hundreds, and obviously can only reply to a few. I don't recall (at this moment) who you are, or what I posted, but something about that thread (and/or your post(s), triggered the response action, and so I did. I can only say (as to content), I post in relply to what I discern, I try to do so civilily, and honestly (I am in the straight talk group, not the sympathetic group) and with as much discernment as I can muster. Some appreciate that effort, some are distressed. I have no way of knowing this up front, but if someone asks me not to do so again, I will of course honor that request, and offer my apology for upsetting you. Good luck in your life.

I just went back and read my post, I have to admit I am puzzled. I don't really see anything distressing, what I said is quite legitimate given what information was available. What distressed you, maybe that would help clarify. Unless I misunderstood, you stated pretty clearly you were not going to let your H go...there is no other conclusion then you intend (for the moment) to bind him to your will...right? And I commented on the very well known behavioural responses to such actions. Most humans react poorly to having power exerted over them. I also commented on the oft times unexpected goodwill generated when you let somebody go (decide for themself whether they want to be married). None of it was particularly personal, it was about the circumstance of denying a spouse a divorce, you just happened to bring up the issue. No need to discuss this, unless you want, I already said I will not post to you anymore, just trying to clarify my purpose in the post (which was to comment to anyone who binds a spouse against their will). But even in your case, if your H really wanted a divorce, he could relocate to another state for a short time (whatever residency requires) and file there. So maybe he doesn't want a divorce that bad anyways.